One Minute of Play

The Grind and the Buck stop here: Kris Draper announces his retirement tomorrow

2011-07-25T21:45:00.000-07:00

I wrote about what Kris Draper means to the Wings Organization at Hockey Recon, and you can read that by clicking this link. But for this blog, I feel like the best way to honor Kris is to re-publish a bit I wrote on 2008:

Mac and Drapes

This is a story of loyalty, courage, disaster, hope, strength, rescue, resurgence and lifelong friendship.

In 1993, Darren McCarty made his way into the Red Wing lineup for the first time and for those of us in Detroit things would never again be the same. DMac, BigMac, MacAttack, whatever you call him, you love him the way you love a big brother who still kind of scares ya a little bit when he pins you to the ground and threatens to spit goobers into your face, all the while laughing as you scream for mom.

From the moment Dmac stepped onto the ice wearing the winged wheel, Darren McCarty was a fan favorite. An amazing dichotomy, our Dmac: a big bruising monster of a man and hockey player, who could charm anyone and everyone with his joie de vivre and that silly “kid in a candy shop” smile. He immediately wormed his way into the hearts of Detroiters, instantly beloved by all as he embraced the city and its fans with his buoyant optimism, that toothless grin and ineffable charm.

At 6’1”, 215 pounds, he was drafted as an enforcer. The fact that he is also a deadly shot mattered perhaps less than his toughness and fearlessness on the ice. Then again you didn’t get into Scotty Bowman’s lineup unless you had the speed, deft puck handling skills and talent to hang with the Russians.

Darren established himself as a team leader and an integral player on a team that was amongst the first to fully embrace left wing lock, puck possession hockey. He had to be everything to everyone. He had to finish all his checks, punish those who messed with our smaller snipers and scorers, execute the lock and still produce points. It was no easy task to be a grinder in the mid to late 1990’s.

I think of Darren McCarty as a perfect example of how to meld the physicality of old school hockey with the European influence.

The One Dollar Man

In the same year Darren was brought up from Adirondack, Detroit traded Winnipeg for Kris Draper for One dollar. $1.00. The “One Dollar Man”.

For over some 17 years I have watched his explosive talent, speed, tenacity, intellect, work ethic and wonder how the powers that be in Winnipeg failed to see all this guy had to offer and stupidly let such a talent go. Perhaps they were just distracted…

One Dollar.

Reelin in the Early Years

In the same year Dmac and Drapes arrived in Detroit, Mr. Bowman took the helm. He put the two on the third line and gave them a role- grind it out, wear the opposition down, enforce and score. The two became fast and furious friends.

Drapes and Mac could be seen out together (often with Kocur and Osgood) at many a local watering hole in the mid 90’s. Drinks flowed, girls cooed, parties were none stop. Mac was the ring leader, a card and a good ol’ boy. HEDHS he even formed a band (Grinder) and sang lead. Mac was the life of the party and a celebrity fixture throughout the City.

For a while, I believe Mac even roomed with Drapes and Ozzie in a riverfront apartment complex near the Joe. Actually, I think he and Joey Kocur were roommates, maybe they all just hung out at Drapes place. Still, can you imagine it? Play Stations, Nintendo, Pizza Pizza boxes, Molson Canadians brought in from the Beer Store in Windsor, Mac’s guitars all around, motorcycles and random women.

The friendships that formed in these early years would set the stage for life long loyalty. To be young in your twenties and a Red Wing…

To be in your twenties and a Wing in the mid 1990’s also meant that your first, foremost and ultimate focus had to be in seeking the Cup. Scotty Bowman had not left his Buffalo home for Detroit because he was a snow bird… Bowman, Ilitch, and Holland were not assembling the first true Russo-Euro laden NHL team on a whim.

Scotty Bowman came to Detroit to pursue his latest dream – and changed the face of NHL hockey for ever. By succeeding in the NHL with European style dominating the game, a long time vision for both Bowman and Mike Ilitch. Ilitch was instrumental in the migration of Russian players to the US, perhaps one of the most important persons in the history. Anyone who doubts this should ask Sergei Federov who made it possible for him to defect from the Soviet Union as he snuck from the cafeteria and boarded the Red Bird One under cover of dark in Seattle that fateful eve during the Goodwill Games.

It was an exciting time. The City of Detroit had not seen a Stanley Cup in 42 years, the longest cup drought in the history of the League. 42 years! So painful, for a sports town with true long lasting and suffering passion for the game. By the time Bowman came in, and immediately started to win, the hearts and souls of all Red Wings fans, new and tried, young and old were hopelessly bound to this team. And we embraced each of these boys, from Stevie to Vladdie to Nick to Dmac as our own, family even. We still do.

We were once more beginning to live and die by our Wings, once more daring to hope and believe as we had when Stevie Yzerman was drafted to Detroit, and through the late 80’s, when Demers, Klima, Oates and Probert gave us hope and excitement.

Friendships Cemented into Brotherhood

In 1994, a classmate of mine, who also happened to have been Scotty Bowman’s neighbor in Buffalo, took me up to a Red Wing game on Bowman’s tix. It was the first time I had been back to Detroit, much less in the Joe in years. Standing outside the locker room while the boys all went inside, feeling a bit like one of those trampy chicks who linger trolling for players, I tried to separate myself from all the black polyblend spandex-y pants, dark red lipstick and Neve Campbell bobs. I stepped back out of the fray, left of center and stood watching the action around the locker room, and realized there was a hum, a life of its own in these walls. Something beyond special was happening in those years.

Dmac, Drapes, Ozzie all left the locker room together, Dmac with that ineffiable charming and almost fully toothed smile, laid one on the ladies Drapes looked oblivious, Osgood kept his head down. I giggled hysterically. One girl yelled “goin to the Post boys?” and laughter ensued as they walked on by. Whatever trouble those boys were bound for that night, they were together. Ironically enough, Classmate and I ended up slugging some beers back with this motley crew- and though that is another story for another time, I will say I this: you could see even at that point that the bond amongst these friends was as tight as a five hole in the playoffs…

Flash forward.

May 6, 1996. Game 6 Western Conference Finals.

A dirty hit by a dirty player, slamming and crushing a head down onto the top of the boards at the bench, no body check at all. Just a purely intentional, evil crush straight to the head. A shattered jaw, a concussion. A fan favorite bloodied, helped off the ice, not to return for almost a year. A City sickened. Tears in ALL the girls eyes, fury and hate for the team and the monster that did this to our Kris Draper. Worst game I ever saw. To this day, I would spit in Claude le mew’s face if I ever had the misfortune to cross his path. I will never spell his name properly. I’d use a euphemism for “le mew” if I though I could get away with it on these boards. Look, Le mew was a rotten soulless bass ‘tard, I don’t care how good a player some say he was. He makes Avery look like a Lady Byng winner.

A teammate, friend, a brother taken from the game, out of play for nearly a year to recover from reconstructive surgery. No two game suspension or 5 for fighting penalty was ever going to wipe that awful memory from Detroit heads.

Retribution: March 26, 1997

We waited in anticipation for that end of the season game against the Avalanche. Not only were we healthy and ready to win our first cup in 42 years, but we knew Dmac would avenge Drapes. It was all we talked about at the water cooler that week. We absolutely wanted revenge and retribution.

And the outcome was spectacular- on a full team scale. Everyone from Larionov taking Forsberg on, to Shanny tackling Roy mid-air, to the fight we all waited for: Dmac pummeling the Turtle into submission.

With the beating that made the turtle his “beach” (give it a French accent) to his joyous triple sow cow in celebration of his OT game winning goal, Darren McCarty showed us all again why he is an all-time great. An enforcer who can score the prettiest of crucial game winning goals.

Forever to be revered in the City of Detroit. Darren McCarty a Wing lifer, case closed. No questions asked, the Wings Organization always rewards the sort of grit, loyalty talent and heart Darren McCarty epitomizes. The only person who could harm Darren at this point was himself.

A Rock Crumbles

And gradually he did. First, the toll of his father’s struggle with cancer, followed by succumbing to a lifelong fight against addictions, bankruptcy and whispers of divorce. These things would take their toll on the man whose primary work and life role had so clearly grown to look after everyone else. To guard everyone else, to take care of everyone else.

Who would take care of Dmac when he needed it?

His last year with Detroit was before the 04-05 lockout. The Wings ended up buying out his contract and he found himself, for the first time ever, outside of Detroit. In his time with Calgary, he failed, for the first season ever, to score a even a single point.

Failed to score a single point in a whole season. Calgary let him go. For the first time in 14-15 seasons he was without a job, out of hockey.

A beaten man. It appeared so. Not hard to speculate that such dramatic and difficult personal problems had finally overwhelmed him.

However, to believe that would be to summarily dismiss all I have just written of, and failed to see what I have been trying to communicate, that this man is a fighter, from the bottom of his skates to the top of his helmet. Through and through.

Down and out, saddled with financial problems and addictions he could not cure or control on his own, and in danger of losing a family who had been stretched beyond the limits, Darren McCarty had to find that place inside where he remembered he was a champion, an elite talented, monster of a man.

He found his way back to hockey. He didn’t do it alone.

Reinvention: The Flint Generals

A phone call to a life long friend, who had to suffer the pain of watching his talented and incredible brother fall to pieces. Even if they had drifted apart through Dmac’s trials, there can be no doubt that in a single phone call, probably for one of the first times ever, Dmac asked for help and someone was more than willing to give it to him. A phone conversation that probably went a little like this:

“I want to play again.”

“Ok.”

Kris Draper, part owner of the IHL team, the Flint Generals, gave (along with Ken Holland) Dmac a script to follow. Everyone knew if Darren could execute, then he would be back with the Wings. Perhaps it was never spoken, but if it was I see Ken and D walking across the ice at the Joe like this:

“Darren, we’re proud of your fight. I support you, Stevie supports you, Mike supports you, Kris supports you. Show us you can do it and we will be thrilled to bring you up.”

“Ok.”

And a plan was hatched: First, show us you have anything left in Flint, stay sober, stop gambling, keep your life in order, get into condition, then to Grand Rapids to prove yourself there again, and if it goes to plan, we’ll talk about Detroit.

A 37 year old three time Stanley cup winning right winger from Burnaby BC fighting some of the worst addictions a person can face, laced up skates again in Flint, Michigan on an IHL team and took his first steps back onto the ice. Doing what it took to get him to the next step. 10 games, three goals in that first season.

Reinventing himself and fighting as if he were 25. And he made it back, with a little help from his friends.

In 1997, a young man avenged the senseless and horrific near career ending blow on one of his best friends. Ten years later, that friend was able to return the favor.

Originally posted on Sunday July 13, 2008 @ 01:34 PM EDT at http://fans.nhl.com/members/JuiceinLA/blogs/18305

A Letter of Gratitude to the Great and Powerful Wizard: Chris Osgood

2011-07-20T12:25:00.000-07:00

Dear Ozzie:

Just because we all knew this day would come as we watched Malts hang 'em up and worried while you fought off groin injury after groin injury, doesn’t make the announcement of your retirement any easier for true Detroit Red Wing Fans.

When I heard the news, the first thing I thought of was one of your first Stanley Cup speeches, where you simply and humbly thanked all of us, the 1,000,000 fans crammed into Hart Plaza, the fans across the state, country, all of Metro Detroit.

Thanked us.

As if we had given you even a modicum of what you gave us or the Red Wing Organization. Its absurd really, when we have so much to thank you for, so much we need to tell the greatest goaltender to wear the Winged Wheel and a mask, one of the greatest goaltenders to stop a puck (that’s you, FYI). yea I said it. See, I can concede that Terry Sawchuk was also the greatest goaltender to wear the Winged Wheel- the greatest goaltender to wear the Winged Wheel without a mask. But this isn't about TS, let it go.

Oz, Detroit Red Wings fans everywhere owe you endless and overwhelming thanks for your 14+ years of unwavering loyalty, amazing talent, monstrous heart, never ending hard work, Stanley Cup gifts, clutch wins, reinventing your game, your wicked sense of humor, endless generosity, boundless grace, love and respect for the Detroit Red Wings organization and for us, the people of Metro Detroit, the Wings fans.

We will never forget or stop adoring the “rook” who wanted so badly to help the Detroit Red Wings and her fans bring a Cup back to Detroit after 35+ years, that he took his youthful mistake painfully to heart ; or the calm, steely yet humble record holding veteran who flawlessly executed in Red Wing Goal when so many others labeled “great” could not; or for bringing the Red Wing family its 9^th, 10^th and 11th Stanley Cups; or the sassy, generous, wizened mentor and (now) goaltending coach the Detroit Red Wing Organization knows it has been impossibly lucky to have within the fold, because Chris Osgood gives the Wings, and her fans everything.

The class and poise you have exhibited just by virtue of being the most absurdly and erroneously maligned goaltender in all of hockey makes you a bit of a saint, but having survived, achieved greatness and excellence for 14+ years as a Detroit Red Wing Goaltender makes you a legend and a superstar.

And all that time, you have humbly, continually and heart-fully expressed your overwhelming thanks to and appreciation for Red Wing Fans. Laughable, because the only people who should be bestowing thanks are Red Wing fans. We owe you a lifetime of gratitude and praise.

And so does all of hockey. For the record, there are gads of stellar stats and achievements tucked under your fight strap. Here is a list of some of your NHL goaltending achievements.

3 Stanley Cups (Only 6 goaltenders in history have more: Sawchuk, Plante, Dryden, Smith, Worsley and “Wah”).

401 Wins ranking you the 10^th goalie to ever win that many games in the history of the league.

4^th Best Win Percentage of all-time with a career WP of 53.9%, (Only Brodeur, Dryden, “Wah” and Plante have a better W%).

7^th Best GAA of all-time with a career GAA 2.49 (amongst goalies playing more than 500 games, since statistic was first tracked)

4^th Most playoff shutouts of all time with 15 (Only Brody, Cujo and “Wah” have more).

8^th Winning-est playoff goaltender of all time with 74 playoff victories.

16^st Best SV% of all-time at .905 (Amongst goalies playing more than 500 games, since statistic was tracked).

24th Most Shutouts of all-time with 50.

3 time All-Star.

2 time Jennings Winner.

One of only 8 NHL Goalies to score a goal, 1 of only 5 NHL Goalies to put the puck in the opposing team’s net.

Most Wins of Any Detroit Red Wing Goaltender (401). Only the Great Terry Sawchuk has more wins, played more games or has more shutouts wearing a winged wheel.

32 single season victories in 2000-2001 still ties the NYI franchise record.

15 years playing in net for a franchise that is historically known to be brutal on goaltenders (well, we did run Cujo out…).

Only the 4^th Detroit Red Wing of the Wiley Kenotye Holland GM Era to be given the post UFA deadline opportunity to come back if he wanted. (Stevie Y, Sergei, Shanny being the others.)

Osgood? No. OsGREAT.

The heart of a lion made you impossible to beat in the net when it counted most. A strong left hook meant Patrick Roy would twice be called out as the sissy we knew him to be. The character, class and grace of a champion and the insight of an elder statesman make you one of the all time greats to ever wear a Winged Wheel. Heartbreakingly, a long battle with a recurring groin injury ultimately ends one of the most storied, least appreciated goaltending careers in all of hockey.

No, I take that back. You are appreciated. Your talent, contributions and generosity have been greater than almost any. You embody what it means to be a Detroit Red Wing as surly as Stevie Y., Nic Lids, Pavel, Igor, Hank, B-Raf, Malts, and Draper always will: Greatness, Excellence, Loyalty, Heart, Selflessness, Strength of Character, Leadership, Modesty and Drive.

So thank you, Chris Osgood for all you have given Detroit Red Wing Fans everywhere. We adore and appreciate you more than you can possibly know.

Sincerely,

Juice

Nobody Beats the Wiz

Osgood? HEDHS no- OS-GREAT!!! Chris Osgood racks up 400 wins in an OT stunner.

2010-12-27T21:16:00.000-08:00

Ed. Note: This is a duplicative post, but it bears repeating. The original can be found at www.hockeyrecon.blogspot.com.

400!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After three gut wrenching periods and OT, with 50 damn good shots on goal and a 30-(er PLUS) something Ozzie standing on his head like a 25 year old kid, future HHOF Chris Osgood of the Detroit Red Wings joins 10 of the best goaltenders in history to rack up his 400th win.

Not to mention a career high of 47-48(?) saves…

Congratulations Oz- Nobody Beats the Wiz. Nobody deserves this record more. Nobody deserves the accolades and congratulations that you will be receiving in the coming days.

Thank you Nic Lidstrom for that top shelf slapper which took our boys up 3-2 in regulation (and also jumping up in a couple record stats categories yourself). Thank you Nic for playing you heart out for Oz. You too Z. Holy shizz Z, that steal with 3 seconds??? ZZZZ!!! and MULE, you are a monster. Berts- sniping like he’s 28 again. Don’t think we didn't notice. OH HOMER! coming back after the puck to the face? I am proud of you all. And I thank you for stepping it up despite a damn bench worth of injuries. Dats, Cleary, Modano, B-Raf (who am I missing?).

Do I feel bad for chastising all of you last week after tonight's show stopper? Hmm, uh, well, no. Sorry, we all know it would have been much sweeter for Oz to win at home. But I do forgive you. And how about this- When called to arms, you the amazing Detroit Red Wings, never let us down. Thanks for not letting Oz down tonight.

AND FINALLY, THANK YOU KRONNER FOR THAT OVERTIME WINNER. Sure it was heart-wrenching to deal with overtime. I was only a little sick to my stomach, but I wasn't crying yet. Plus its indisputable that Oz looked to Great in Goal. Maybe his play elevated all of you tonight and you fed off each other's energy. Whatever it was, it was a gorgeous PP, picture perfect power play goal. Tic Tac toe baby. Assists by Nic and Z, all wonderful, a great effort. An Os-Great effort.

Nobody beats the Wiz. Nobody beats the Wiz.

Love ya Ozzie- Detroit Loves ya, Michigan Loves ya. We know you are one of the all-time best to ever guard a net.

Now go get Fuhr…And Stay Big. You are playing so well this month, we love it!

Friday Night Wings Recap not from concentrate, mostly insomnia.

2010-11-06T05:51:00.000-07:00

[NB: Most of my hockey blogs will now appear at Hockey Recon, but not the rambling insomnia driven error ridden juju you're getting here...]

Who gets insomnia on a Friday night? At least I have the Wings-Oilers game on DVR, and what a fun game it was. Sleepless observations follow:

Jimmy Howard's save at the 9:35 mark (ish) -Holy shizzurp. Jimmy MF Howard. BTW Jimmy Howard has 22 regulation wins in a row. 1.82 GAA.. 93.3 Save %. Helluva a start kid.

BTW, anyone still think the Bulin Wall has been felled? Watch this game- Nicolai was phenomenal. The Bulin Wall not only took 30 SOGs, but a bucketful of PP shots and really great scoring chances by all four winged wheel lines all three periods.

The Soupy Shuffle: Helm, Huds, Abs, Eaves, Miller, Modano. Oh the pain of having to roll these guys on 3^rd and 4^th lines…. Love seeing Abs on a streak, but I miss seeing Darren with Draper. More ice time for Helm, Please Mr. Babcock. (I know I know, its selfish. I can’t help it, I love the kid.)

Ericsson- Thought I might be dreaming when I realized that he went 35 minutes without any noticeable mistakes, that he looked fantastic with Nic Lids and then he one ups me, taking the five for fighting for the hit on Dats, and Mick getting pissed at the linesmen for how stupidly they handled the break up. Almost makes me forgive 52 for the goal the oilers scored on the PP.

“Holmstrom Again, 3 for a Dollar!” Ah Kenny- loved it. Why does a Homer in the crease PP set up with D and Z on the wing bring me such joy? Seconded only by Pasha with Helm breakaway on the kill. Loved that No. 13 felt confident enough with 43’s speed to run for a shortie rather than ice it.

Pavel doing what he does. Seven straight games of points. Bingo bango. Three oilers clogging the arteries? Datsyuk’s triple bypass is perfection. No one cuts through like Pavel: Hot knife through butte- hydrogenated oil. Le Sigh.

Wings appear to have finally fixed their starts. All last year Wings most vulnerable point was the first 5 – 10 minutes. I haven’t checked the numbers, but I bet more than 50% of the first goals scored against the Wings came in the first 5-10 minutes of the game. And the league quickly figured it out, especially if Ozzie was in net. Tonight the Oilers came out guns blazing, hoping to capitalize on this weakness, but got no where. Jimmy Howard was in it from the get go and it made a huge difference. The Oilers all but fell apart by the 9 minute point and didn’t even seem to follow the wings into the Red Zone in the last minute of the first period.

Comparisons to 2002. Over the last 2 weeks I have been hearing random statistical comparisons of this year’s start to the 2002 Wings. Tonight we got a Nic Lids comparison: Nic has 12 points this year so far, the most he’s had this early in the season since 2002. Suck it Ageists.

Sad to learn the Sharks cut Andreas, worried about him being in Anaheim. Watch the head Lils.

Oilers may be young, but I see a marked difference between this young team, and say the LA Kings a year or 2 ago. The work ethic is not there. These Oilers don’t finish their shifts, or their periods. Not sure if its inexperience or exhaustion. They would be a helluva lot worse if they didn’t have the Bulin Wall. When they do press, they would be more successful if they would drive to the net and communicate and never give up.

Tonight’s Wings really do seem to be looking more like the 2008 Playoff Wings, and this early in the season …

Final note at 5:30 am: 22 Gun Salute to Dino Ciccarelli for his induction into the HHOF. Nothing but the best for the man who taught Homer everything he knows about the crease. Think he’s a controversial choice? Two points: 608 goals and a career spent deflecting Al Iafrate’s slapshots. Suck it naysayers.

Crossover Post: Why is this Detroit Red Wings Fan searching for a Pink Crosby jersey?

2010-11-03T13:15:00.000-07:00

GGGGGGGaaahhh. I feel like I already need to say 12 "Our Hollands" and at least 2 "Hail Datsyuks" for this. But.

and its a Kardasian sized one....

But.

When your girl Juice isn't obsessing about the Wings, she occasionally does nice things that more often than not do not rhyme. ahem.

On Nov. 14th I am running a half marathon to raise awareness for a relatively unknown disease that affects my family: Alternating Hemiplegia of Childhood. As part of my fund-raising efforts, I have promised that if we reach a certain donation level then I will take my last training run (on 11/11) through the streets of Santa Monica in a costume chosen by the people cheering me on, or as I like to think of them: "My athletic supporters".

There are two costume suggestions made by my Athletic Supporters and they are not pretty. In fact, our Girl, Mackseyev has thrown the Mothra Faulking gauntlet, people. She has dropped the goaltending stick, pushed the mask way back on her head and is sprinting toward Center Ice as if I were Patrick Roy and she were Mike Vernon circa 1997.

Mack's Lethal Suggestion:

A Pink Sid Crosby Jersey with pink hot pants.

The other option, suggested by my Sister:

A deranged clown costume with half bald fro wig, preferably rainbow, big floppy shoes, red nose, smeared deranged clown make up and a honky horn that must be utilized at regular intervals.

And you get to vote here.

Oh I'll do it. I have to! The amount of money my Athletic Supporters have donated in such a short period of time has surpassed my expectations and my goal- in a mere 7 days. I HAVE to do something to show how much it means to me. Only one "problem".

I scoured the interwebs today looking for a Pink Sid Crosby Jersey, and there aren't any to be found. Hilariously enough, you can get a Pink Avalanche jersey for $19.95 on eBay, but no Pens. I shixt you not!

The relief I feel is probably something I should not admit to, except that I have not given up. WTF? Did someone buy them all? Does Mike Milbury have a secret closet full of them? Does Gary Bettman give them out for Boxing Day?

Sure sure I could ask the Kid himself if I could borrow his, but do you think he's really gonna give up his nightgown to a Detroit Red Wings fan who nicknamed him "Bucky Sanchez" and regularly calls him a whiny diver? Even if he knew it would humiliate her?

I think not.

So, drop me a line (comment below) if you find the Pink Sid Crosby Jersey anywhere on the net or for sale at a reasonable price (the cost of a roll of tape, a new mouthguard and a Pink Rangers jersey, plus shipping and handling).

sigh. the things I do.

Hockey Musing on this Week of Hallowed Eves.

2010-10-26T11:12:00.000-07:00

The Juice is Loose…

Zombie Alert: Jamie Langenbrunner Is Mostly Dead To Me.

I am ready to eat Jamie Langenbrunner’s brainzzz and today’s Devils report on NHL on the Fly did nothing to discourage me. The Devils are systematically spiraling down an improbable slump, no better exemplified than by Langenbrunner’s abysmal numbers so far this year: 0 Goals, 6 Assists, -6 Plus/Minus, 6 PIMs, 18 SOGs and 1 PPP.

Why does this matter to a Detroit Red Wings fan? Two words, 5 Syllables: Fantasy Hockey. For the past 3 years, #15 has been a super solid choice for a 5-6 round draft pick, and I have him on two teams this year and he is killing me- KILLING ME. I drafted him at 10, so I thought it was a bit of a steal, but also knew the Kovy factor might affect Langenbrunner’s numbers negatively. However, I was banking on the idea that the Devils would be scoring machines, as the threat of cap induced trades would put guys like No. 15 on the proverbial chopping block. So here we are 3 weeks into the season and he is performing abysmally. Is it a team/coaching problem, or does Langenbrunner know something we don’t, and is resigned to being shipped off to some place like SJ or Atlanta?

Combine his abysmal performance with the fact that I have two other Right Wings listed “DTD” (Kopecky and Pominville) and you can see why I am sweating it.

FAULK! Every fiber of my being tells me to dump him for Andy McDonald or K. Huselius, and yet I cannot pull the plug. What would you do?

Trick or Treat? Benching Kovaluchuk.

Definitely a treat! However, I fear I am alone in this opinion, as rumors swirl like poisonous mist from a witches' ... cauldron and word spreads that Ron McClean has put his job at risk by making The Hundred Million Dollar man sit one out. Now, some might speculate that it could be an opportunistic firing, because of the problems mentioned above, but let’s play devil’s advocate. I’ll wait- you go put the costume on. Don’t forget the horns. Here’s your inspiration:

(It never gets old!)

Ok now. Coach MacLean has defended his decision by saying something I find especially eloquent. THN reports that Coach MacLean said this: “no player is above the team is at the heart of what has made the New Jersey Devils so successful over the years and was their underlying philosophy before they became one of the most dysfunctional organizations in the NHL.” (THN)

Team Maclean on this one my Trick or Treaters. Boy I feel sorry for Devils fans if ownership and management pick the star player over the coach. You might as well strap on a “I Heart Glen Sather” T-shirt and join the Ranger fans at the bottom of the league for the next 10 years, or at least until Kovy’s contract hits the light end and he can be traded or bought out for a rich man's pittance.

Who Is That Masked Man
And
Please Tell Me He’s Not Wearing Tights.

Rene Bourque, fresh off DTD status racks up a hat trick in his first game back and follows up the NEXT DAY with 2 and an assist. Pick him up in your leagues while he’s hot people, unless you are in my leagues because I already have him.

Hanzus for the Win: Kings trump Wild in OT.! Seriously, He’s a player in the NHL-and a veteran too. Rumor has it that it was really Drew Doughty, just dressed in Handzus’ uni. It could happen, you have no idea how seriously these Los Angeleans take Halloween.

The Hockey News GETS IT WRONG- This Is Not A Trick!

THN hits hard but misses the mark in this week’s report on the long haired athlete trend, wondering if NHL players are such huge chumps that they are following the Bieber/ Brady trend of shaggy hair.

Bitches Please. There is only one man to whom any self respecting NHL player would pay hair homage. I give you “The Fro”:

And The Girl In The Back Said, Boy I Ought To Warn You
It’ll Turn Into A Ballroom Blitz.

Anyone buying Tricky Dick Rypien’s apology? I hate to say it but I am not. While I am proud of the fact that excluding guys like Chris Simon, the NHL’s bad, criminal and subhuman behaviors problems don’t rival those of the NFL or the NBA-

And while I also think the guy who got grabbed is a total teabagging Deuce,

I don’t think a scripted apology is good enough, nor do I believe this to be anymore sincere than an Avery’s Sloppy Second Speech. I do think the fines and a 6 game suspension is a reasonable start to punishment that falls in line with the NHL’s history on such matters.

Most importantly, some smart bloggers have been critical of the 6 game suspension comparing it to the lesser suspensions doled out for brutal on-ice headshots, inadvertently making the argument that 6 games was too steep. They argue that that its wrong to more seriously punish players for bad off-ice behavior than for actions that would amount to criminal assault with a deadly weapon if they took place anywhere but on ice, in the scope of regulation. While I am inclined to agree that the disparity is disconcerting, I am not in total agreement with these people.

What Juice? You are queen of the NO HEADSHOT-NO CONCUSSIONS Bandwagon.

Don’t get your fight strap in a bunch people, I have not jumped ship…

Fact is, the NHL hasn’t strayed from its protocol or precedent in the Rypien punishment. History provided a road map for the league and thankfully there are only 3-4 previous incidents that make up that road map. Attacking a fan is really only something that happens if you are a Hanson Brother or once every 10 years.

Following precedent, maintaining a system of cohesive disciplinary rules, with impartial, uniform application is very important to the effectiveness of the NHL’s “legal” system.

Without uniform application of the rules and punishments we give license for a Ballroom Blitz. However…

Holloween Costume Idea For Commissioner Bettman: A Goal, A Stick And Terry Sawchuck’s Old Pads.

We can also argue that the NHL hasn’t majorly strayed from protocol or precedent in suspensions issued this year for on-ice headshots. However, there is a fatal flaw in Mr. Campbell’s system and blind reliance on the crutch that is precedent for the on-ice criminality that isn’t going away until the league sends a clear signal.

Precedent should only be influential, and applied uniformly and consistently when the rules have not changed.

The rules are supposed to have changed. There is ample evidence in the medical and scientific communities that concussions are permanently debilitating to professional athletes in ways that compel all sports leagues with full body contact to treat as seriously as a heart attack, or steroid use. Don’t get me started on the fact that it is the NFL who is leading the charge on this matter, a truth beyond worrisome and disturbing when you think of all the NHL heads regularly hitting ice in thin plastic helmets.

The NHL presents a façade of caring about head shots and dirty play, but in its minimal punishment of these actions, and the excuses it continually relies upon to argue that there is difficulty policing such brutality, the league sends its clearest signal:

If a tree falls in the crease, and Campbell wasn’t on ice and didn’t see it, it didn’t happen.

The way the NHL continues to punish dirty players for on ice brutality is archaic, and does not reflect or support the current system of rules, making a mockery of the purportedly concerned façade that is the face of the NHL.

By continuing to dole out 1-2 game suspensions for dirty hits and headshots, the NHL continues to send a clear message to players, fans, that it will not take headshots, dirty play and the epidemic of concussions seriously.

And that is sofaking wrong, it makes me want to put G. Bettman in goal with Terry Sawchuck’s padding and let guys like Steve Moore, Andreas Lilja, and Adam Deadmarsh take a bazillion shots on him.

NOT A Trick: Juice is Moving her Hockey Blogs to a Very Cool Website.

Its true kids. Look. Sure I write these things as if someone is actually reading them, but I know the truthy-ism. And I can handle it. So I am joining up with 13-20 of my favorite Hockey bloggers, most of whom have an audience about the size of mine and we are forming a consortium in the crease, to bring you all our unique, awesome, hilarious and hopefully compelling perspectives and accounts of the world of Hockey as we know it. We might not gain a bigger audience, but at least we can amuse each other. Before the end of the month, look for this, and other amazing hockey blogs at Hockey Recon. It will be well worth your time and quite possibly the best collective of hockey writers you will come across on the net.

Happy Halloween Puckheads!

Juice's Caption It Contest - October 20th

2010-10-20T16:00:00.000-07:00

I have been meaning to roll out this new feature to the blog for a while now, so here goes. Give me your best caption for this photo, and I will pick and post a winner the following Monday. I have no idea who the sources are for the photos I have found all over these interwebs, so if its yours, let me know and I will give you your propers.

Caption it:

Top Eleven NHL Moments in Entertainment

2010-10-19T12:20:00.000-07:00

My dear friend and fantastic Radio host/hockey blogger, Cassie McClellan posed a very fun query today that sent me straight to the interwebs.

Cassie wanted to know why Cameron wears a Gordie Howe Sweater in the classic film "Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”, especially when the movie is based in Chicago.

After responding: “Because the only real hockey fans in Chicago are Detroit Red Wings Fans”, I had to know which NHL team has received the most love from Hollywierd.

Sure, I assumed it would be the Wings, and make no mistake we do see tons of Detroit Red Wing love in music, television and film, but are the Wings the most beloved by the entertainment industry?

I think it safe to say that based on my random and completely un-statistically proven search of the interwebs, Wings are top 3, but given K. Smith’s love of the Devils; Sandler’s voluminous homages to the Bruins; and some sort of bizarre random bromances for the Blackhawks (I ask you who the faulk really cares what Vince Vaughn thinks?), the Wings have some serious competition for the Mike Myers Lifetime Achievement in Television Award.

If, in fact we were being honest, I’d have to acknowledge the historical significance of the Bruins in television as formidable, to which we can only ask "wtf to infinity?", and look for a palette cleanser…and so I ask you:

What is your all time favorite NHL moment in entertainment?

Here are 11.3 of my all time favorite NHL Moments in Entertainment, counting down.

DISS-HONORABLE MENTION

Uncle Joey- Full House- Detroit Red Wings. I cant find a picture, but allegedly Uncle Joey’s bedroom was decorated in Red Wings paraphernalia. Almost more shame that even Alanis Morrisette has to bear for writing “You ought to know” about this buffoon. Significantly harms all the good done by Dr. Cox… it’s a damn good thing we had Uncle Jessie.

HONORABLE MENTION

Snoop-Thucks. Snoop Dogg sported a Parros ‘stache in 2007 while the Ducks fought for the Cup.

Tupac- Detroit Red Wings. A perfect counteract to Snoop’s misguided moustachery.

Chevy Chase- NL Vacation- Blackhawks. I might not be a ‘hawks fan (then again, who is?), but no one faulks with the Griswolds.

THESE GO TO ELEVEN

11. Goldberg- MMD- Mighty Mighties. It cannot be denied. We can only hope to contain it.

10. Robin Sherbatsky- HIMYM- Vancouver Canucks. I had to add it, its likely the ONLY time in history a Vancouver Sweater makes it onto the telly.

9. Lisa Simpson- Simpsons- Mighty Pigs. Not only is this the first female television character to play the sport (and kick ass doing so), but helpful in counteracting any perceived props for the “Thucks”.

8. Eddie LeBec- Cheers- Bruins. Don’t care what I have say about Boston, its irritating sports fans, or the Bruins, Eddie was the BEST!!!

7. Mike Meyers- Wayne’s World- Blackhawks. This would have gone higher in the count, but was dinged by virtue of the existence of the Love Guru.) Innerstingly, Myer’s wears No. 32 in the movie, and while I personally would like to believe that was in homage to Bruce Boudreau, its hard to believe that he wasn’t wearing the No. 30 for Eddie Belfour. Judge for yourself- you can see in the photo, its No. 32, I can’t make the name out. Of course Garth gets props for the Esposito gear in goal.

6. Hanson Brothers- Slapshot- Chiefs. What???? Like I’d leave Slapshot out.

5. Adam Sandler- Happy Gilmore- Bruins. Its odd to me that Sandler wears so much Bruins gear, but rumor has it he sported Rangers gear for Big Daddy, I just don’t ~~remember~~ care.

4. Randal- Clerks- CCCP. I didn’t want to rank Kevin Smith this high, but when I went looking for pictures and found this, the cereal props cannot be denied. Anyone else find it weird that Smith puts his lead character, Dante, in a Pens jersey? Apparently he does this frequently.

3. (tie) David Puddy- Seinfeld-Devils. Putty in all his Devils glory on Seinfeld. Best Seinfeld moment ever? Puddy showing up at Elaine's for this date.

3. (tie) Detroit Red Wings- South Park- Detroit Red Wings. What more could you want: South Park, the Cup, the Wings, a destroyed Colorado Avalanche team and Stan’s Mighty Mighties. If it hadn’t been for the whole leukemia thing, this might have made it to No. 1.

2. Cameron- Ferris Bueller’s Day Off- Detroit Red Wings. Classic. Timeless. Proof positive of the staying power of a legendary franchise.

1. Dr. Cox-Scrubs-Detroit Red Wings Dr. Cox’s mad continual love for the Wings (and Cheli) on one of the funniest series to ever grace the television cannot be denied. Plus, Cheli and Cox (John C. McGinley as he’s known in the real world) are Malibu neighbors and have been rumored to share a love for sprokets and ice cream.

Detroit Red Wings: True Rivals

2010-10-13T15:12:00.000-07:00

I like to think it takes a lot for me to whip out my condescending “Goalier than thou” Red Wing Fan-itude. Oh make no mistake, it’s always in the holster. But as Lidstrom’s sermon from Mt. JLA, chapter 5:11, in the Book of Holland reminds us: It is better to speak softly and slap in a one-timer from the blueline, than to spear someone in the nads with a Sharp stick.

I really try to make aneffort not to constantly remind everyone that the Detroit Red Wings are the best team to ever grace a rink, ever. At least not without gushing my particular brand of unwavering adoration, energetic enthusiasm and sass that I like to think makes it palatable. I also try very hard to maintain a classy Wing Fan persona, because the team holds itself to an impossibly high standard of class as evidenced by the existence of Steve Yzerman, Nic Lids and Pavel Datsyuk.

Accordingly, I expressly, purposefully and knowingly reserve most of my condescension for those who truly deserve it. In other words, it only pours out onto the Anaheim Thucks, CryBaby Crosby and now, the Chicago Blackhawks, their bandwagon fans and most particularly the manufactured rivalry between the two teams that some marketing fop somewhere in Toronto or the Windy City keeps trying to make stick.

At the drop of a puck I will draw a bored, “knowing” smirk whenever someone tries to perpetuate the myth that there is a rivalry between Detroit and Chicago. It’s a sad, absurd premise as pathetic as the league’s continued attempts to engineer a Pens-Caps rivalry. There simply is no existing or recent rivalry between the Wings and the Hawks. The Hawks have been a terrible team for so long, and their fan base has been non-existent even longer (a fact particularly offensive to me). Any rivalry between the Red and the Black -that may at one time have existed- died 30-40 years ago. One Stanley Cup doesn’t change this fact, no matter how many quarters, dimes and nickels Buck Twenty Kane donates to the Taxi Driver Defense Fund of Buffalo.

The Imaginarium of Dr. Bettman’s Emporium

History is on my side on this one. Sure they are both Original Sixers, but even in the 1920-30’s, when Chicago was “good” they were never really our rivals, nor were we their rival. Since the days of the Original Six, the Wings and Hawks have not matched up against each other during a period were they were both on the rise/at the top.

Fact is, Chicago’s real rivalry is with the St. Louis Blues and it spans decades. Can you say “St. Patty’s Day Massacre”? Jeremy Roenick can. Seems kind of pathetic that the Blackhawks are willing to bury their true rivalry history with St. Louis, and what for? Just so they can get their name mentioned in the same sentence as the Detroit Red Wings? So sad. Anyone want to bet that once the Blues become contenders again, Chicago will try to embrace that rivalry like nothing ever happened? I’ll wager a Buck Twenty and a used mouthguard…

The only facts that lend themselves to the pipedream of a Detroit-Chicago rivalry is a shared division, geographic location and the fact that we stole the prodigal son from under their noses when he finally, painfully had to admit that the only way he’d see his name on a Stanley Cup was to bring his chili and his Hollywood friends about 400 miles east. Even though he once vowed that he’d never play in Detroit.

Sorry Cheli- you know we love ya. And I hear your chili is quite good.

And finally, Detroit fans barely acknowledge a Blackhawk existence, and forget about the bandwagonners they call fans. Respect has to be earned people. That Stanley Cup seems more a fluke and anomaly than reality, and it certainly doesn’t spark jealousy or anger or any sense of injustice.

So if not the Hawks, then who, you ask? Come on.

Really?

Snow me the Money- (A Buck Twenty won’t cut it)
Detroit’s All Time Greatest Rival

For my $1.20, there is and has been only one modern Wings rivalry of any note in Detroit Red Wing History.

Wings- Avs.

Sure, sure Wings fans have developed special degrees of loathing for the fighty fighty Thucks and Sid Crosby, but these things don’t go to eleven.

Nothing more poignantly highlights the farcical basis of the imaginary Wings-Hawks rivalry, than a look at the history of Wings v. Avs.

The Detroit-Colorado rivalry has everything any good historic rivalry should. It’s arguably in the all time top 3 of hockey rivalries, and I’d bet in the all time top twenty of sports rivalries.

Even before the Nordiques were uprooted to Colorado, entered into witness protection and forced to change their name this rivalry was brewing. Patty Wah held a special brand of hatred for the Wings, even before he got to Colorado. Nine goals on 26 shots will do it to you...

These two teams fiercely battled for league and Western Conference dominance from 1995 through 2002, meeting in the confy finals 3 of those 7 years, and meeting in the semis for another 3 of the 7. More often than not the winner of this match up would eventually take the Stanley Cup home during this period. But the fight for athletic supremacy was just the tip of the iceberg fueling this great rivalry.

There were heroic goaltender battles, Statue of liberty smackdowns, and intense dynamic back and forth triumphs and losses over an exciting 7 year period; HHOF team captains both wearing No. 19, bench clearing brawls at any given moment and of course there was Darren McCarty pummeling future “Skating with the Stars” winner, Claude Le Pew, into turtle soup.

There existed such a deep hatred of opposing players and opposing fans that even Yankees/Red Soxs fans give deference. Rumor has it there is a Gordie Howe Sweater cemented under the Home Goal at the Pepsi Center.

The injustice all Detroit Fans continue to feel with respect to Claude Le Pew’s vicious attack on Kris Draper will take generations to dissipate. Maybe even longer now that you can pull Darren McCarty’s retribution up on You Tube and watch it over and over.

Not that I know anyone who does that…

And it all occurred while Detroit and her fans patiently and loyally hoped and fought to end a 41 year Stanley Cup drought. 41 years between championships and yet some will argue that the win over Colorado on March 26, 1997 was as sweet as Game 4 of the 1997 SCF.

Sure Colorado looked absolutely pathetic in the 2008 Semis, so much so that I vividly recall watching that series with my brother with a fair degree of sentimental shock, punctuated only by a quiet uttering the following sentiment: “It’s the end of an era.” while our Wings deftly dominated an underwhelming and clearly demoralized Colorado team. And of course the next year when Joe S. broke his fingers on the snowblower, the rest of the world started to echo that sentiment.

Then the Avs quietly and quickly began to rebuild. I wish I could say I had an in depth analysis, but I don’t. Fact is though, since mid-season last year, Colorado has looked like contenders again. And after last night’s game at the Joe, there is no question in my mind, Detroit's true rival is on the way back, cannot be taken for granted and ain’t going anywhere, anytime soon.

Score 5 goals on Jimmy Howard one time- shame on me. Colorado scoring 5 goals on him again? It will never happen. And if it does, I will dress in goalie gear, assume the statue of liberty stance in net while Patrick Kane takes slap shots from the blues.

Now you know I am not an advocate of fighting, but there is one exception that clearly bolsters my argument that the Wings-Avs rivalry is the greatest in the history of our franchise:

Tip of the Mask, Wag of the Mouthguard….Weekend Wrap up in the NHL

2010-10-10T08:39:00.001-07:00

Wow what an exciting first three days of this 10-11 Season! I could scarcely get to sleep last night and not just because My Wings ruined Buck Twenty Kane’s banner party. It was coconut icing on German chocolate cake. Damn. Now I 'm hungry for cake.

Maybe it would just be best if we just get started, or at least get my homer-ism out of the way, no? I do have a need to gush! Oh come on, cut me a slice. You think you can do better?

Doubt it, no one can move Homer from the Crease...

First: a Tip of the Mask to My Amazing Detroit Red Wings

Anyone else watch this weekend's Wings games and feel like we were back in the spring of '08?

I love feeling the excitement of watching an amazing year unfold, and this one already looks like the 2009-2010 I dreamt of. Babs putting the D-H-Z line back together is bags of fun, of course, but what is so interesting to me is the change in both Pasha and Zets (and arguably Homer too). They all have grown their game so differently since 2008. Zetterburg has become much scrappier and tougher in the crease where he can be so deadly and Pavel Datsyuk’s takeaway skills are the best in the league, nevermind how he cuts through defenders like a hot knife in butter. fughedaboutit.

I have been secretly thinking this for about 3 seasons and for the first time ever, feel a fair degree of confidence in predicting that Pavel Datsyuk may in fact be the best all around player this league has ever seen. Seriously, I am sticking with it and owning this observation. Bring it, if you think someone out there has more.

So I am wondering what this line will evolve into and if by midseason we will see Pasha and Hank flying down the ice with the telekinetic no look passes whizzing through defender skates like we used to in 2008. Can't wait to find out.

Even more exciting is our boy Val- "2Ts, 2Ps"-Filppula, eh? Ever since he channeled Bobby Orr (and arguably did it a bit better that No. 3) in ’08, I have waited for great things from Filps. Sure he still has his gangly "colt out of the starting gate" moments, but come on- the Kid gets excited! So far, putting him on the ice with a healthy Mule and Bertz seems pure genius. So much so that I am struggling not to drop Patrick Sharp and pick Filps up in my Fantasy League.

AND the cherry on top??? The Hudded Helm line is back. I cannot wait for Happy to get his legs again and see Darren and Jiri fly down the ice like they did 2 years ago.

Let’s not forget, Ozzie standing solid in net and Jimmy MF Howard with a damn shutout against the Thucks!!!

Ok, enough Wings Love fest- Holland knows I could go on and on…

A Wag of the Mouthguard:

To the fighty fighty Thucks. Geebuz, even when this gutted team sucks, and they lost their star antagonist they still seem to think hockey has nothing to do with skill. I am so over Anaheim.

I mean, you have to pretty much be the deucebags of the league to compel Pavel Datsyuk to fight. BTW, Corey Perry how pathetic do you have to be to get your arse handed to you by a perpetual Lady Bing winner?

Gordie Howe Hat Tricks all around! Three Orange Whips for Datsyukian Dekes!

Query: which team has been more profoundly gutted, Ducks or Hawks? Discuss! Vote!

Tip of the Mask:

To the Tampa Bay Lightning who dominated an improved Atlanta team last night. Finally we might get to see what all that hodge podge of talent can do. They must be feeling good about the Yzerman “acquisition”…. Oh and if Mike Smith is available in your fantasy league, I am betting that its a shrewd pick up, say if you have a Carey Price to dump…

Wag of the Mouthguard:

To San Jose, and particularly Patrick Marleau. Sigh. Get over yourselves, and get out of your heads. geebuz. From top to bottom, your entire organization spent the summer making knee jerk idiotic decisions, starting with letting Nabby go. Sorry, its true. You will never be anything more than Second Rounders if you can’t stay the course, figure out what your goddamn game plan is and stick with it, inspire some confidence in the organization – especially your key players- and believe in yourselves.

Seriously. The only problem you all have is an organizational parasite called fear and self loathing. You will never win anything significant if you don’t find a way to truly believe in yourselves.

And get Nabby back you fools. If you cannot recall what he did in 2008, your short sightedness will break you.

(you get some props for picking Lilja up though- Andres: be safe, watch your head bro.)

Monday Edit: NHL.com is reporting Andres Lilja has signed with the Ducks. This scares the crap out of me for all the wrong reasons. I think this move will concuss Andreas right out of the league and into a wheelchair with sippy cup holder.... This is a bad move for Lilja's health. Dammit.

Tip of the Mask:

To the LA Kings for coming on strong again this year. When will the Boys in Black start earning your respect people? They are the real deal, and they are coming for your daughters.

Wag of the Mouthguard/Tip of the Mask:

To Hobey! You let a Rook score a hat trick on you? I still love you, and that is all I will say, except: Snap out of it!!!!

Of course we must give the corollary tip of the mask to the kid, Derek Stephan, only the 4^th rookie to open his very first NHL game with a hat trick. Nice interview too, giving all the props to his linesmen. Golf claps all around! How about a Fresca?

Tip of the Mask:

To Ethan Moreau for reminding everyone that he is still alive. Watch Columbus this year kids- they have a damn fire lit under their arses.

Wag of the Mouthguard:

Refs and Officials for so far failing to take Rule 48 seriously. Screw you League. No one wants smashmouth hockey at the expense of athlete careers- so get your shixsa together and stop the career ending injuries.

Tip of the Mask:

To Radim Vrbata for a seriously cool name and for schooling the Bruins in Prague.

Wag of the Mouthguard:

To Concussions. Faulk you concussions, and Puck anyone who intentionally hits a head or behaves recklessly to put a guy's head in danger. Speaking of which:

All our well wishes, strongest hopes for speedy recovery and positive thoughts go out to those already hit with concussions and injuries

Ondrej Pavelec: Kid, get well. You're way too young to be concussed out of the league.

Johnny Tavares: Islanders need you!

Pekka Renne: Bro get well. Your team needs you. See, Dan Ellis took his tiny bags of money and headed south.

Marc Savard: Really? already?

J. Spezza: See Savard comment.

J. Ericsson: See Savard/Spezza.

Patrick Sharp: you suck and you speared Nic Lidstrom in the Balls, so I hope you end up on IR for a long time even though it will screw my fantasy team.

Hockey Season is upon us. You can tell from the scent of shame, my deal with the devil’s dong and my Barbie™ RV.

2010-09-20T15:28:00.000-07:00

Fantasy Hockey Edition of OMOP.

This post is dedicated to Shawny and
the Red Deke Fluffers (fka Juice’s Red Larionovs)

Many purists won’t herald in the most wonderful time of the year until they see their first frozen snot rocket, hear the sweet hum of the zamboni, shave off their playoff beards and spot the first Robyn Regehr at training camp.

But for my money, the first sign that hockey season is upon us is the Fantasy Hockey Draft.

My head to head league- comprised of a legion of some of the best hockey bloggers/sports writers (see links) and smartest fans ever assembled - is a ruthless, badassed group of managers. I assert this confidently because when I join other leagues, I win them. Hell I win them with autopicks.

Not so with my sports writer friends. In this league I consistently finish out of the money. And not just by a little. Over the past two years and out of 14 teams in the ICDL league, I finished ranked 9^th and 12^th.

And not just because T-squared let me down colossally last year and Mikael Sammuelson was my best skater (Damn your ankle, Danny Sedin). Or because I forgot to set goalies twice last year and forfeited 2 weeks.

Although I am still terribly bitter about Tim Thomas.

It’s what I get for playing with smart savvy people who write about the sport.

But I love it, and I love this group- I feel totally honored to even compete with these cool kats.

Ok, ok while that might be totally true, I also hate losing.

And Fokknockers, I hate losing bad.

As a result, this year has shaped up to be the pinnacle of all that is soul selling, character annihilating, shame riddled and self loathing in my life. I have sold my soul to the Devil. And not for the kind of money we are accustomed to seeing Mr. Lamoreillo and Co. throw around. Not for any money really.

This Year’s draft has taken me so far over the blue line, that I can’t even see the line, Nic Lidstrom is a dot to me.

And its all because I got sick of losing, and stuck to my “process”. I let the numbers rather than the heart run the show.

I love draft preparation. I love to pour over and manipulate stats and draw my own conclusions. When I have the time, I spend weeks obsessing over fantasy League drafts. It's not easy. As some of my overseas friends will understand, being in LA means no access to fantasy hockey magazines- at all. Not at CVS, not at Borders, B&N, gas stations or the staggering number of Newsstands we have all over the place.

I refuse to pay for online guides from people who haven’t convinced me they know WTF they are talking about. (I’m talking to you, rotoworld.) Sorry, I don’t trust people whom I don’t know to be smarter than me.

You might argue that a chick who regularly eats it in her favorite fantasy league might not be smarter than those actually getting published for their hockey opinions, but my championship trophies in less talented leagues say otherwise.

Fantasy mag-rags are only good for one thing: comparing my own process to popular opinion.

And my process is, uh. Well. I was trying to succinctly explain it to a friend, but it can’t be done. If you want to skip over the details, ignore the next 7-ish paragraphs, just know it has 7 labor intensive steps that manipulate scoring stats of 200-250 players, a bazillion ways, the crux of which is that after weeks of number crunching analysis, I then cut players I dislike from the draft list. If you need the details, read on…

I first start with the numbers. I can’t help it. I pour over stats like water from a zamboni resurfacing for overtime. Here are my steps:

1. Build Microsoft Excel Spreadsheet, with 8-10 workbooks sorted for the various positions, to track the “Scoring Stats”: the stats the league uses to score the team.

2. Sort the top 200-250 players (according to Total Points) by Position. This may seem like a superfluous start but it’s crucial for late rounds when you have to fill bench holes and need to know whether Steve Downie or Brian Gionta is a better grab.

3. Input last year’s Scoring Stats for each player. If time, do two years worth.

4. Rank players by their Scoring Stats. I color code each player’s good stats. 30+ goals = excellent, 35+ assists = excellent; Plus Minus greater than 9 = excellent, PIM in excess of 75= excellent, SOGs over 250= excellent. Sure I might use red to signify “excellence”, Purple for “Top Notch”, and Pink for “better than average”, But red does = excellence, and the girlie colors make me feel less testoterony.

Ovie, for example, earned red for each category in 2009. Straight across the board – two years straight. Scott Hartnell was red in two 2009 categories: Assists and PIM.

5. Compare each player against the 2-5 players ranked around him and analyze whether the straight numbers tell the whole story.

For example, Danny Sedin’s numbers have to be weighted to account for the fact that he missed 20 games to the ankle last year. There is no accounting for Tim Thomas’ utter failure last year, so he doesn’t get the benefit of the doubt.

[Insert your favorite Great White lyric here.]

This is the most labor intensive part of my draft prep, but the most fun a girl can have without taking off her jersey. Trying to decide if Jerome Iginla and Rick Nash truly deserve equal ranking is like watching Roenick hand Milbury his ass.

I troll the internet for injuries, off-season surgeries, unsigned UFAs and I re-acquaint myself with trades and make the call as to whether they factor. For example, I think the Turco trade will have a temporary effect. Playing for a better team will put a skip in his step through February, provided he can overcome the gutting the ‘hawks took in the off season. I am betting he can’t keep it up long term. Therefore, Turco isn’t worth a pick until late rounds, unless someone in the league starts a run on goalies early in the draft and picks Brodeur in the first round, forcing you to pick a goalie rather than Pavel Datsyuk.

THEN I read what others are saying, pouring over THN’s BIGS , HF boards and website articles. But this is just so I can shake my head in superior pity and gloat. Sometimes though, people give me good info, like when one writer mentioned that Eric Stall gets his points on streaks, I discounted him, because that SUCKS in a head-to-head league.

J’adore THN’s BIGS, J’adore.

STEP SIX (the exclamation point is implied) I assemble a Draft Order worksheet, which disregards position for purposes of ranking. I drop all players into the list then I repeat Step 5. Then,

Wait, Juice- There is more?

Of course there are more steps. It may come as a surprise, but I am detail oriented, to a fault. In fact, as a girl, I would spend hours “setting” up to play Barbies. I would cordon off the entire living room and use legos, encyclopedias, couch cushions and anything else I could find, build elaborate homesteads, houses, stables, acreage. Then I’d spend hours with the interior design of Barbie’s awesome townhouse or her RV. (yes you read that right, I had a Barbie RV- ‘nother story, nother time) But when it came to actually playing “Barbies”- I didn’t really want to. Just wanted to set up.

Are you really discussing a Barbie RV in a really over written, diabolically long Hockey blog Juice? On a Monday? Geebuz, yer killin us – is this a test?

The point of the story is that I am one of those people who lives for the detail work, the prep, planning, the journey... Yea- its the journey I live for, not the destination. Feel free to remind me of this at the end of the post...

STEP 7: FINALLY I remove players from the Draft Order list “For Cause”. Those I detest are deleted from the list entirely. Seriously. I cannot stomach the idea of having to follow Sid or Pronger or Buck Twenty Kane for a whole season. In 2008, Sean Avery was excluded from my draft order for cause. (In later drafts he was excluded because he sucks.) I would never even joke about picking up Corey Perry, Ray Emery or Sergei Gonchar.

Step Seven has been non-negotiable in any and all league. In all previous years, I have maintained strict allegiance to my Hockey Prep plan, my morals, principles and fiber. In other words, I have refused to draft players I despise. When stuck in a draft position where I could have taken Malkin, I chose Danny Sedin. Last year I picked Jeff Carter over Patrick Kane and it cost me.

Until now. Until this year. After two years of pathetic showings, I have forsaken Step Seven and my principles.

The outcome of this year’s draft was such an affront to my personal beliefs, I scarcely know who I am anymore. I had 4^th pick, which is typically not a bad position to have. Here are the results.

First Pick: The Donkey Dong Devil, Bucky Sanchez himself: Sid Crosby.

Second Pick: Sharky Second Rounder, Season Spoiling Patrick Merlot.

Third Pick: Patrick “Deez Nutz” Sharp- who porpoisefully speared Nicolas Lidstrom in the Family Jewels during Game 3 of the 2009 WCF, causing Nico to miss the very first playoff game he has ever missed in 20 years.

Fourth Pick: Jimmy Howard. Sure I might have wanted Brody or Hobie, but they went in the first damn round. Plus I had to do something to save myself from excommunication.

My Draft Ranking System supported these choices. I should have removed Sid, and Sharp from the draft order in Step 7, but I didn’t. Instead I picked Sid when he was still available as the fourth draft pick. I could have picked Pavel Datsyuk or Nic Backstrom, or Stamkos or Henrik Sedin and his 112 points for gawd sake.

But I didn’t. I didn’t just go down like a 2 dollar fleury, I spent the first 3 rounds picking evil doers.

Ok, fine, Patrick Merlot isn’t anymore of an evil doer than Joe Sakic, but he looks whiny.

I should have felt dirty when it was all over. But I didn't, I felt confident and ready to seriously compete. I am a Barbie RV owning, number obsessed hypocrite who apparently just wants to win.

There I said it. Waiting for the “feels better part”….

Modano signing imminent, blind faith "IHWT" waining in Sunny SoCal

2010-08-03T11:12:00.000-07:00

Updated 8/5/10: Reports are furiously flying that the 40 year-old Mike Modano will announce his signing with the Detroit Red Wings on ~~Thursday~~, Friday making the long journey home to his birthplace ostensibly to finish out his career. Flags will waive, the Franklin High School Band will play in the parade down 5 Mile in Livonia, I will pretend to fondly remember the days of growing up at the same time and in the same town as one of the NHL's finest. B-Raf will take him to Eddie Edgar for a spin around the rink, then maybe to Perani's for some reminiscent skate sharpening. Afterward, they will go grab a beer at the Bench Pub or the Post. Michigan will welcome another of her most talented sons back into the fold.

But.

I don't get it. I don't like it, I don't think we need him.

There. I said it out loud and it felt great.

(caveat: If it turns out he's looking to return to Michigan for family or personal reason, I will withdraw my complaints.)

But as it stands, I mean it: I don't get it.

True, true, I am not one to ever question the decision making process of Wyle Kenotye Holland, Mr. Ilitch or the perpetual juggernaut that is the RWO. Even as I stick stubbornly to my guns, I know I am going to have to take a trip to the penalty box at the Joe, confess my sins and say three "Our Pashas", and four "Hail Lidstroms" just for having the audacity to write this blog.

And it absolutely goes without saying that I have not paid enough attention to the UFA machinations this summer, but no matter. I have to get this off my chest. (You can thank our good friend JHRangers for lighting this fire under my tail this morning.)

I don't get or even like the way the Wings have chased Mike Modano. I don't like the signing. I think its a mistake. I think its a waste of money as I don't see the cost-benefit trade off.

Hold on one sec, while I find my little red and white rosary, the one with the Steve Yzerman Bobblehead hanging from its end. I have some penance to carry out, sure. But before I bow my head under the Octo-alter, let me 'splain myself.

Here are my issues:

1. Modano doesn't really fill a crucial need. Wings don't really have a hole at center.
2. Modano doesn't fit the typical Wings "Charity Contract" mold.
3. There are several other cheaper younger centers, scorers and forwards out there with stellar talent if we really think we need offense
4. We have a problem on defense and there were a couple of amazing defensemen who were up for grabs at bargain prices.

The Typical Wings Charity Contract

First, its not fair to label anything a "Charity Contract", because this is actually a strategy that I adore, and furiously maintain is one of the Wings most brilliant tricks in their considerable bag. I used the phrase "Charity Contract" because I am rushed and being lazy. Forgive me Stevie, for I have sinned.

Almost every year, the Wings take a look at the UFA list and find that one exceptionally talented guy hitting the tail end of his prime years, whose never hoisted a Cup, whose so damn hungry you can see little silver trophies in his dilated pupils. Most often its a guy whose on clearance, in the 1 to 1.5MM range. Wings sign them to a one year deal and flash that brilliant Red Wing smirk first perfected by Mr. Scotty Bowman. Pick your favorite, we have some awesome contributors: Dallas Drake, Marion Hossa (not so much a clearance price, but still damn hungry), Slava Fetisov, DINO Cicarelli (who didn't actually win a Cup), Luc, Gilchrist, Cheli. Bringing Ozzie back also classifies.

How fricking smart is it to find that one guy whose considered a great player, but near the end of his career without ever seeing a Cup? The chance to join a team with a perennial shot at Stanley will give that guy the youngest legs of his life. His experience and drive and hunger will motivate and guide the younger guys.

And Bonus: Its a very cool thing to do for the player.

So who was/is available that fits this bill in 2010? Not Modano. He got his Cup. Frankly its bizarre that he's even available, having been a Minnesota-Dallas Star lifer and a Wings nemisis, semi perennially since the late 1990's. Shame on Dallas! Would Colorado send Joe "Snow Blower" Sakic to Detroit? HEDHS-NO! Sure Big Mo' hasn't seen a Cup since 1999, but he's 40- he probably doesn't even realize it.

I'll tell you who better fits the Charity Contract bill: Shane Doan.

Ok fine, so Doaner is not a UFA, or available on the cheap... small details. That is the guy. I want Shane Doan for the Wings. When is his contract up? Stay tuned. Doaner might play in the Winged Wheel once he hits 37-38.

Ok, back to business. What UFAs were available this year under 3MM, late thirties, talented, without a Cup that fit the bill?

Brendan Morrison, that is who. Keith Tkachuk might have been lured out of retirement for a chance at the Cup, he was on fire last year. FIRE! Slava Koslov (Yes I know he's raised the cup, so had Hasek, Cojo, Hull and Ozzie).

Even better- Sean O'Donnell was available. we'll discuss this more later on.

Mike Comrie I like less, but lets face it if the guy is ever gonna live up to his potential, its almost now or never. Guys like Conroy and Derek Armstrong were also available on the cheap.

No. I am not throwing Jody Shelly into this lot. I think Shelley is a dirty player, although with our weakness at Defense, we could probably use a thug or two. I'd take Shelley for Z's line if he can be turned into a Bertuzzi. (Did ya ever think you'd hear that come out of my head?)

We don't need scoring, leadership or a star. We need someone to create holes for Pavel and Z to get through.

Admittedly our second line needs a strong center, but with the return of Happy, and today's announcement that Darren Helm has signed a 2 year contract, the Hudded Helm Line will RIDE again, making our 3rd line indestructible. I was ready to patiently allow Darren Helm to grow into that 2nd line center role with those ultra speedy legs. But now that Jiri is back, the Hudded Helm is going to blow people away this year. You watch: Helm and Hudler on wing, with the only other player in the league that can possibly keep up with them, the one, the only,

ONE DOLLAR MAN: KRIS DRAPER at center,

this line is going to make FOOLS of people. Mark my words. The Wings' third line will be better than 29 other second lines across the league.

So, we don't need scoring at center, we need someone to open it up and let Z and D get through so they can score more, work defense less. I don't see Modano playing the Homer Role, and am perfectly happy with Dan Cleary and his talent. Can Modano mimic Bertz? Maybe, but he better stay on the 2nd line, and he better provide the body we need to give Z a bit of breathing room. No way should he be allowed to take Homer's spot. The Homer-Datsyuk chemistry should be etched onto stone tablets and carried down from Mr. Ilitch's box to center ice. Dats-Homer-Bertz: first line. I am calling it.

Admittedly this is my weakest argument against the Modano acquisition, but here is where I am truly dismayed. Sure it won't hurt us to have him as our second line center, but dammit Janet, we need D-men.

Dismayed about the D in the D

Obviously we did the only smart thing in resigning Nico. No credit is earned here because anything else would mark Redageddon, and the end of the Red Wing Order as we know it. Nic and B-raf still remain the best D-uo in the biz, no questions. Kronner and Stuie are solid and fantastic. but we fall apart thereafter, and Holland Forbid any of them get an injury. We need to build younger strong players to give Nico and B-Raf more rest. Even if they don't want it. Even if an older, tired, injured, ballspeared Nic Lidstrom is still better than 99 and 44/100% of the players in the league.

Frankly, we need our next Brad Stuart. Wings also need to build up a younger D-patrol, but our rooks are not ready. Ericsson is... Well. Johnathan, he's... Young and big. That is all I will say at this point.

So what do we do? We let Lebda go and looks like we are leaving Andreas on the sidelines (no comment). Even though I am not the biggest Lebda fan, signing Modano while letting Lebda go to Toronto and not signing Lilja, without filling the hole we have in defense, is - in my opinion-

A mistake.

So what D-men were available this year, say in the 2-2.5 MM, no age limit, hungry for a Cup:

Well, Derek Morris for starters. Adrian Aucoin at second. Look. I know I am bringing up Coyotes far too often, but here is the thing: I saw them up close and personal in the playoffs. I saw the hunger. I saw a group of guys who had a taste of blood- who thought they could upend the greatest hockey franchise of the past 30 years, in the first round. A group of guys with a fire lit.

But if we shift from the land of Az, the real defensive steal this year was Sean O'Donnell. I watched Sean for 2 royal years, as a King and watched him and his mighty mighties take the 2007 confy from us. He was a huge part of the Kings recent rapid ascent into respectability. He's strong, and smart, and wants to win. When he got to Edmonton, he was quickly turning heads, making a name. I am certain that the only reason his spark was snuffed is that the Oilers plummeted in the second half of the 2010 season with less grace than MA Fleury hitting the ice.

Wings should have picked up O'Donnell. He was cheap too!

On a side note, who the hell is Kim Johnsson and why the Fawk is he worth 5.3MM? Seriously. I thought I knew this league, but I absolutely don't know who this is. I realize admitting this exposes the fact that I did not pay one ounce of attention to the Chicago Blackhawks this year, but honestly, that is not a flaw- its the norm for the entirety of my hockey fan career.

Seriously, who is he?

Incidentally, "Fawks" is my new nickname for the BlackHawks- as in "Faux Hawks" as in "fakes". Meet the Fawkers everyone...

In sum and back on point, the fervor with which Coach Babcock chased Mike Modano publicly is a conundrum and and frustrating oddity since the Wings typically play their trade and UFA cards close to their chest. It honestly baffles me and I don't get it. I don't know why Wings are ignoring defense and piling up offense.

I can only say this- hopefully I will be proven wrong, and the Wings will see a SCF series again this year.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have about 10 more Hail Lidstroms and 3 Our Pashas to complete before the season begins.

"These go to Eleven": Wings-Sharks Semis, 2010.

2010-05-04T12:15:00.001-07:00

I Hate this.

That is all.

Well, its all I’d like to write, and its all I have time to write these days, but frankly, I feel like I ought to explain myself.

First, I apologize for my uncharacteristic silence. I have not abandoned my team or you. I have had to refocus my energy into two things:

My job, which has been hella busy; Why do people have to bug me during Playoff season?? Can’t we reserve crises until after the Cup???
Some work on my book, as requested by the publishing powers that be. (Sorry all you know I have been determined to get it published.)

And its been killing me. Sigh. Its the PLAYOFFS, it should be all hockey, all the time.

Ok second, I apologize that this post will be a bit disjointed, unorganized, but as I mentioned: swamped.

Today we will all watch Game 3 of the 2010 NHL Western Conference Semi-finals between my Beloved Detroit Red Wings and the San Jose Sharks, and I haven’t uttered a word about the series I fear the most.

As you know, Wings are down in this series, after two hard fought games decided by neglectful officiating and uncharacteristic penalties. For the Wings, its looking like we need to find a way to either get the officials some “sexy specs” (thanks Kristie Jo for that awesome blast from the past) or call Dr. Ramani in to perform some emergency lasik surgery on the refs. The last time I saw officiating this awful (and yes I am remembering last year’s WC final series against the Thucks) was in the 2008 WC final against Dallas.

I don’t blame the Sharks for most of our penalties, although I do think for the first time ever I am witnessing a rise in the incidence of shark diving. I have always heard that Nabby was a diver, but I never really believed it. Anyway, no matter, because the bottom line is this: Overcoming adversity, in any form, is what makes the Detroit Red Wings perpetually successful.

The problem this time is that we do have to be careful about sloppy penalties, because like the Wings, the Sharks will make you pay and that is exactly what they are doing.

A Wings-San Jose series is one I have both longed for and feared for three years. You see, I have watched this SJ franchise meticulously model itself after The DRW franchise for the past 4 years with pride and fear. They have built a phenomenal program and throughout the regular season they are truly my second favorite team in the league- because their puck possession style is so successful.

And as you know my perfect hockey world is one where the game is played so furiously fast and skilled that fighting, brutal injurious body checks and head shots are a faded memory of a stereotypical past. In my dream NHL everyone plays like Pavel Datsyuk.

But SJ’s talent and style- because let’s face it, you can’t play successful puck possession hockey without a good degree of talent- are also the very reason to fear them.

Last year, I literally jumped for joy when SJ drew a first round match up against the Thucks. Oh I honestly thought they’d prevail in 7, but as any good Wing fan knows, you don’t get past the Anaheim Thucks in the playoffs without significant casualty. There is a price to pay. I was confident that even if SJ prevailed over the Thucks, they would be so battered, broken and bruised that they would be a shell of their talented selves. I was Ok with that, as long as someone ELSE took the Thucks out.

And of course when they failed to defeat the Thucks, I was mad. Pissed, hugely torked. I held that grudge for a long time, especially embittered when my Wings had to then finish the job. And you see how that cost us.

I still hold a grudge against SJ for failing to make it to the second round in 2009.

But I also knew that the 2009 Sharks was a far better team than such a record shows. And again this year, they are, if anything, tighter, stronger, more cohesive.

And that is why I fear this series so much. Two teams playing the exact same style of game, both arguably the best in the league at their game. It’s a nightmare for a Wings fan.

Noooooooo I don’t think they are better at our game than us. And I fart in the general direction of the silly English “Kah-nigghets” who think the Wings are on the decline, or pull that lazy “Wings are old” jibe out. For the record, the average age of the Detroit Red Wings is 29 years. The average age of the SJ Sharks is 27. So let that one go homers.

Truly, this is the closest matched series the Wings have been in since the late 1990’s. And if you recall correctly, in the late 1990’s, it wasn’t our star players who kept us alive, it was a grinder or two and some amazing goaltending. (which is why we better shut Joe Pavaleski and the gooch down tonight.) I think we still have more talent in Z and D and Filps than their Marleau, Thornton, Heatley line. Also we have Homer. I think Jimmy Howard is matching Nabby in talent, will and determination.

Game to game, I don’t know who will prevail as the final minutes of each game of this series ticks down, and if you think you know- you are mistaken.

The Sharks are hungry, hungrier than they have ever been, and frankly if they cash out again in the second round, I think it might break their spirit. I think they will be digging deep deep down into the depths of their souls, hearts and talent this time. If they find a way to stop doubting themselves (and it looks like they are doing just that) then we will be facing a confidence no one in the league is used to.

The Wings are, well the Mothra Fokking Detroit Red Wings, 11 time Stanley Cup Champs, 19 seasons in the playoffs. The behemoth RWO- Red World Order ( or- if you must: the Red Wing Organization) that everyone should always fear. Living and breathing for the playoff season. We are doing everything we always do, as well as we usually do it. Jimmy Howard is utterly amazing me with his poise, heart, and talent and really his rookie status was the only question. Asked and Answered. Next? Ahh yes. Pasha and Z, Filps, Dan Cleary, B-Raf, Abs, Kronner, and – of course- HOMER, all stepping it up and following the Perfect Captain’s lead. I don’t fault my team, I don’t think they are doing anything wrong, in fact I have been swooning with joy over the drive and skip in their step that I see from buzzer to buzzer, end to end. I haven’t even bitched at Ericsson, in this series. So far. (Don't get me started on the Phoenix series. and yea I am tough on the youngins- cripes this is his third payoff year. snap out of it. Mo Mistakes)

I see the heart, drive, intensity and desire. I see how hard we are working in the corners, and the face offs, shooting. Our Power Plays and Kills are better. The way the Wings have taken their energy, confidence, focus and- for our youngins- talent, and kicked it up at least a couple notches since Phoenix.

These really do go to Eleven.

Everyone’s heart and soul are in it. And I love my Wings for it.

But SJ is better than they were last year, and if you want to argue about their tepid faulty 1^st round performance, If you want to mock Nabby when he gets lazy (as he does) or Big Joe T- who has not lived up to his nickname, then I just want to remind you of a similar first round in 2008, a certain Red Wing team against Nashville, who didn’t get their poop in a group until Ozzie stepped on the Ice and lit the fire.

As long as these two teams continue to play at the level we have so far seen, this series will go to 7, and wont be decided until the final minute ticks down.

Ultimately, this is the best Sharks team that we have had to face- ever, and I am convinced that the series will go to the team that wants it just a little bit more than the other. And while I will never doubt the heart and drive of my Wings, I know SJ wants this just as bad.

And I can’t even hate them for it. Dammit- where is Claude le Pew when you need him? Oh yea, he left SJ in 2009 for a stint on “Skating with the Stars”.

Ahhhhhhhaaaaaahhhhaa. Ahem.

In the end the team that digs deeper, finds drive talent and heart that it didn’t even know it had will win the series.

So. Whoever wins this series - and it better be my Wings- better fokking win the Cup, or I am going to beat someone down.

I hate this, really I do.

Juice's Goaltending Rankings: Stanley Cup Playoff Edition

2010-04-14T15:45:00.001-07:00

Ladies and gentlemen, start your Zambonis- we are headed into the Playoffs where everything you knew about Hockey 2 days ago has been laid out like a two dollar hooker in front of a Datsyukian Deke.

Ahem. I do get carried away, don’t I?

Well then. Because this hockey blogger will consistently tell you that she thinks goaltending makes and breaks a playoff run, as I see it there is only one position worth ranking.

Got a favorite goalie? So did the Steve Mason Fan Club last year. This is Playoff Season and the rules change. So take all those lovely regular season stats, and all the ESPN highlight reels (it’s a joke people everyone knows there are no ESPN Highlight reels of the NHL) and set them aside.

I think you will be surprised, I know you’ll have something to say. So here is my list:

16. Boucher (Flyers). GAAACK. When he’s good, he is very very good, but when he chokes, he falls to pieces. Look I love Boooooch too, I really really do. But his talent is inconsistent and I think we are past the point where we can think its going to mature. He’s in his own head and it’s a mess in there.

15. Elliot (Sens). I confess I know nothing about him. But he can’t be more inconsistent than Boooooch.

14. Halak (Habs). Solid all year and he’s hot right now, but that is about it. A good solid regular season netminder that is unproven and under the radar, for good reason.

13. Theodore (Caps). There is a reason the Avs let him go, and it ain’t because of the rumor that he shares a Valtrex prescription with Paris Hilton. He is not a clutch goalie. Sorry Caps- you aren’t going to see the shiny side of the Prince of Wales this year. It’s gonna be the Pens or Sabres in the east, unless someone else gets their shit together.

12. Tuuka Rask (Bruins). Tuuka is markedly better than TT has been this year, and I know he’s got the hot numbers, but he has a weak glove side and is unproven in the playoffs.

11. Niemi-Huet (Hawks). Either or, doesn’t matter. Neither can get the job done. Probably the Hawk’s weakest link, and I predict they will fall apart in the second round because of goaltending. If Renne gets hot – look for round 1 to go 7 games. If Round 1 goes 4 games, build a shrine to Scotty Bowman because he is a God.

10. Quick (Kings). Johnny has been solid for 2 years and defied all expectations. He could easily be ranked higher than Renne, Luongo and Anderson. This LA team is busting out of the gate, the LA Defense is solid and provides great support. The trust and the cooperation amongst these LA Kings will surprise many in this Playoff Season.

9. Anderson (Avs). Craig Anderson has kept his Avs in it all year. If he shakes out of his recent slump, he should be stellar.

8. Pekka Renne (Preds). Now. Renne can steal a game from anyone, maybe even a series. He’s often flawless. Lucky for Arnott Erat and Weber, who cannot carry this team past round one without perfect play by Renne.

7. ‘Berto “LOOOO” uongo (Nucks). See comments on Nabby. So far unable to lead his team beyond early rounds. Questions in the clutch. Not even giving him credit for the Olympics because he should be better than he is. Inconsistency mars his brilliance. That is all.

6. Bryz (‘Yotes). Yea I gotta say it. He’s been solid all year and I think he has it in him to shift into super human playoff goaltender. Good thing his D sucks.

5. Nabby (Sharks). Sorry Nabs. I love you and will never forget that 2008 Dallas-Sharks series, but until you get the job done, you are a second rounder.

4. “Jimmah” Dynomite Howard (Wings). Because when the time came to step the “eff” up and save the Wings season, he rose with the best of the best. Plus he beat the crap out of Crybaby. He is sofaking ready! He’s hot, seemingly tireless and un-phased and he has Ozzie mentoring the shit out of him and- of course- all that Detroit Mojo. The only reason he’s below Brody is that he’s unproven.

3. Brody (Devils). He gets his ranking based on lifetime achievement. That said, I don’t think he will see the dark side of the second round. I think we are witnessing the decline of a great. Then again he could totally prove me wrong. No one ever really knows with Mart-aaaan.

2. Hobie (Sabres). Because he is a god among men, he’s coming off a stellar Olympics and he’s got something to prove. We are seeing Miller at his best right now- Don’t fuck it up for him Sabres.

1. Marc Andre Fleury (Pens). Yea I hate it too, but he’s coming of two years of stellar performances and a Cup. He’s stronger and more mature this year. I’m even betting he won’t trip over the boards on his way to the net this year.

Best Goalie who isn’t in the playoffs? Jonas Hiller. And every team in the west should be thanking their lucky ducks for that.

Osgood’s Razor.

2010-04-02T06:38:00.000-07:00

Occam’s Razor: pluralitas non est ponenda sine necessitate. Wiley E. Ken-otye, E. Pluribus Unum, Super Genius, Esq.

There are some fans so unwaveringly loyal that they cannot bring themselves to address the elephant on the Zamboni.

There are some fans so hopelessly devoted (oh yea I went there. Grease is the word people.)

So hopelessly devoted that they are incapable of even refusing to see the face off circle for the hash marks.

There are some fans so ultra appreciative of the 16+ incredible years of loyal, devoted, tireless, talented, clutch, ass saving, season saving, playoff hopes saving, Stanley Cup winning goaltending that they won’t ever utter a discouraging word. (Oh yes now I’m pulling on your Americana-loving heartstrings. And yes you will continue to take it.)

But all things being equal, the simplest answer is probably the best one.

Osgood’s Razor. pluralitas non est ponenda sine necessitate.

732 games played in the NHL, 90(ish)% of those as a Detroit Red Wing
16 Seasons as an NHL goaltender, 13 of those as a Detroit Red Wing
396 Wins in the NHL, 10th on the NHL’s goaltending “all time wins” list
Lifetime Goals Against 2.96 (2.06 in the playoffs)
Lifetime Save % 90.6 (91.6 in the playoffs)
3 Stanley Cups
Second Goaltender in history to score a goal
3 time NHL All Star
2 time Winner of the William Jennings
Pugilist extraordinaire
Loyal appreciative devoted fan of the City of Detroit and her people.

If you don't think those stats and acomplishments match up or even compare with the likes of Martin Brodeur, Patrick Wah, Dominic Hasek, think again. Chris Osgood (as I have said before) is a HHOF earning NHL goaltender whose career numbers place him squarely in with some of the very best.
But beginning in January of the 2008-2009 season Wings fans watched Oz begin to struggle. And no one was harder on the Wiz, than Ozzie himself. But then come April, the Wiz snapped back to the form we all know, expect and extol in the playoffs, probably singlehandedly kept our battered, shanked, bludgeoned, concussed and speared Wings in it all the way through 7 games in the Stanley Cup Finals. Doing everything he could to bring an 12th Stanley Cup home to Detroit.

And then it all seemed to fall to hell again in this 2009-2010 season. So much so that by mid-January 2010 some unwaveringly loyal, hopelessly devoted, ultra appreciative fans held their breathe, and tried to find answers.

“He must be injured”.

“The defense plays looser, differently, in front of Oz, they expect him to save their asses.”

“Detroit is notoriously hard on its goaltenders.”

“Ozzie just needs a little break, get his head on straight.”

And my personal favorite:

“This is all Babcock’s fault.”

It was at the point where I started to accuse Coach Babs of “punishment benching” Ozzie; of washing his hands of him at the first sign of struggle, age; of casting Ozzie aside when he no longer performed at the highest level (like it seemed he had done with Cheli) that I (a) got pissed, and (b) realized I wasn’t even slightly objective on the matter.

Look. I am not a huge fan of the Babcockean “I’ll bench you until you get your shit together, just try me.” style of coaching, even when it works, mainly because he seems to hold a grudge for a really long time which can really fuck with a player and it all seems a bit too much alpha dog chest puffing for my sensibilities . You may think I am too much of a girl on this matter, but I doubt any Wings fan would disagree with the observation that once Mike Babcock gets pissed at you, it is insanely difficult to get out of that doghouse.

So when Ozzie was giving up soft goal after soft goal, night after night, and Jimmy Howard was not, there was no way I could blame Babs for putting the hot goalie in. Plus Jimmy earned his chance, all those years of patiently waiting in the minors, buying wholeheartedly into the Red Wing Organization’s system deserves to be rewarded. JMFH is proving himself every bit as trusting, smart, loyal, talented as the Wings told us he would be, and it truly is time to give him his shot and reward him.

But this isn’t about “Jimmy MF Howard”. its about Oz.

Once we entered the backstretch of this year’s season and night after night Babs played Jimmah, and Ozzie sat on the bench, I began to fret. Sure we had to, Ozzie had been too inconsistent early on in this season, and we were perilously close to missing the playoffs for the first time in 19 years. Too much was at stake.

But concerns arose as Jimmy Howard goes unrested week after week. I began to think, "Babs better not burn Jimmy out before Playoffs." "Ozzie is gonna get rusty!" and my personal favorite: “Stop punishing Ozzie at the expense of Jimmy.”

Then I thankfully remembered that I do not know more than any coach, trainer, owner, VP, or even used mouthguard in the Red Wing Organization, and am in fact a maroon (a meringue even) for even acting as though I have ultra special, insight or knowledge about anything.

Chris Osgood playing in only one game since January 27th isn’t about Babs using punishment as a weapon. If it were punishment benching, they would have cut Ozzie or sent him to the Griffins until he got his shit together. And if it were an injury, he’d long ago have been placed on IR.

It left only one heartbreaking question: Have the Red Wings have given up on Ozzie? A thought which fills my eyes with tears and puts a lump in my throat the size of mom’s cream of wheat.

We who call ourselves Detroit Red Wings and Detroit Red Wings fans, have NO RIGHT to give up on Chris Osgood. We have no right to turn our backs. We have no right to ignore the devotion, adoration, and love Chris Osgood gives the City and her hockey fans year upon year. We have no right to forget all he has give us.

And he has given us his all. Heck, he doesn’t even appear to be upset. he smiles, sings Howard's praises, and sheepishly only suggests he hopes to get to that 400 game milestone. He certainly isn’t blaming his bosses. Instead he takes any blame doled out on his own shoulders and instead praises the efforts of his goaltending partner. Chris Osgood is Jimmy Howard’s biggest fan, and the most amazing mentor the “kid” could ask for.

What? A senior goaltender with the lifetime stats and achievement of a HHOF candidate, riding the bench for months isn't bitter and defeated? isn't looking to be traded? Isn't whining to the press?

What's he doing? Mentoring the rookie who took his place, enjoying the kid's success', singing his praises?

That is exactly what is going on. Chris Osgood is front and center, part of a New World Goaltending Order, (a Red World Order, perhaps??) revolutionizing the psychology affecting goaltending teams in the NHL- or at least he is the very best example we have of it out there.No rookie goaltender has a better example of character, experience, talent, compassion and heart than Jimmy Howard does in Ozzie.

Proving once again, even when bench for half the season, even facing an uncertain goaltending future, Chris Osgood gives the Red Wings and her fans everything he can, everything we will accept.

Mr. Ilitch knows it, Wyle-Kenotye knows it, Stevie Y. knows it, the Red Wing Organization knows it. And so should you.

I think you’ll be surprised by what I am about to write. Because my conclusion, my raison d’writing isn’t to conclude that Ozzie is done for, used up, cast aside. my raison d'writing isn't to chastise you into remembering all Oz gave us.

Rather my point is this: Chris Osgood's current circumstance is less about Ozzie's horrible year and more about the Detroit Red Wing Organization's shining example of what makes it the very best organization, top to bottom, in the NHL, and I dare say, even in all of professional sports.

Because I sincerely think that Ozzie is sitting the bench, rather than being traded away, sent to the minors, or placed on IR because Mr. Ilitch and Kenny Holland have made him a Red Wing for life. And if I am being ultra hopeful, i think that he is being groomed for future Red Wing goal tending coach possibilities. Or bullpen catcher for the Tigers.

But I am getting ahead of myself. Right now, here, the epiphany I have had when trying to sort through the mess that is Chris Osgood's 2009-2010 season is that the RWO must have made Ozzie a Wing for life.

Like they did with Stevie Y. Like they must have done for NicLids, like I hope they have done with Kris Draper and Kirk Maltby and Brian Rafalski.

I hope that the RWO has told Chris that as long as he wants to be a Red Wing, he is a Red Wing.

All things being equal, it’s the simplest answer.

Because when you give your heart and soul to the Red Wing Organization and her fans and city, when you devote yourself to the organizational mission, cause and goals and when you achieve the results Chris Osgood has as a Detroit Red Wing, Mr. Ilitch and Mr. Holland reward you. Maybe even Babs too.

If I am right, then Chris Osgood may only be second to Steve Yzerman, as a shining example of the way the RWO takes care of those who take care of us. To clarify- please understand this is not a comparison to Steve Yzerman's contribution and loyalty to the RWO and all of Hockey. At best Osgood's example is a nod to the influence the best captain to ever live has had on his team mates.

Of course, its all speculation. I have never heard anyone in the RWO (either the“Red World Order”, or the Red Wings Org.) suggest, intimate, or even say Ozzie is a Wing for life, and I have never heard any reporter even theorize about it. It’s just the simplest answer when you look at all Ozzie has given and when you factor the way the RWO handles its business, its family.

Speculation aside, I can promise you this. If there comes a time in this year's playoffs where Jimmah trips up, gets hurt, or his youth and inexperience overcome his talent, if there comes a time in this year’s playoffs where the Wings find their advancement chances on the ropes, look to the Red Wing goal, and I guarantee you’ll find the Wings once more relying on the toughest clutch playoff goalie the NHL may have ever seen.

Ozzie, a Wing for Life? Osgood’s razor, its the simplest answer.

Nobody Beats the Wiz.

The “Ocho”: Fighting for the 8 spot in the 19th. Anyone else see the dripping symbolism?

2010-03-15T22:37:00.001-07:00

As I watch tonight’s game against Calgary I hold my breathe awaiting a perilous outcome. I have it in my mind (without regard to mathematics, number of games left or strength of upcoming opponents) that winning this game in regulation means the Detroit Red Wings will secure their 19^th consecutive trip to the playoffs.

And I can’t bear to think about what this irrational belief means if the Wings lose tonight's game in the Saddledome. That nagging feeling that if the Wings can’t find the will drive and desire to push past Calgary tonight, then how can push into the 8^th and final playoff spot in the West, much less into 7^th and securing a first round against Chicago rather than ~~Nabby~~ San Jose?

And it boggles my mind that I am even sitting here on pins and needles awaiting the outcome of a regular season game to learn the post season fate of my Beloved Red Wings. It just floors me that I have to even consider the idea that for the first time in 19 years, there is even a question as to whether the Wings will make the playoffs.

All this despite the fact that the Wings have been stellar (relatively) since the Olympic break. Scores and points aside, the 2010 Wings I watched during the first 2/3 of this season slept through first periods, scratched their asses and punched in during the second and then made a bit of effort in the 3^rd. Game after game. Injury, infernally juggled lines and questions about chemistry and the strength of goaltending held all Wings fans in suspense.

Since the Olympic Break, the Wings play the first second and third periods, like the 2008 Champs they are. Oh to be sure, tonight we fell on our heels as Calgary came out looking like they would cram the Ocho down our throats. After that first goal, the Wings dominated the game, controlled the puck, better neutral zone play, with Jimmy Howard once more playing well beyond his years and experience. From the 10 minute point on, it looked like it was only Kipper keeping Calgary in the game.

And as I hold my breath for the next 40 minutes wondering if we can get another damn goal in regulation, I just keep wondering how in the Chelios did we ever get here, fighting for our playoff lives?

Talent? Injuries? Age? Exhaustion? What happened this year?

Question this Talent? You can’t handle this Talent.

HEDHS No. No, nyet, nein, no, no, no. Look. On paper, these Wings are closer to the 2008 SCCs than last year’s sniper-loaded team. This team is basically the same as 2008, give or take a few players. In some ways we have gotten a bit older (Nico, Ozzie, Malts and B-Raf), a bit younger (Cheli, Helmer and Howie) a bit tougher (cough- Bertz and May-cough). Some guys, wet behind the ears in 2008 (Filps, Mule and Kronner) are stepping up and into their role as the next gen of Red Wings Superstars and our current superstars, D & Z are working as hard as ever.

Talent is not the question. In fact if anything, the talent difference this year is that I think there are more talented, balanced teams in the entire league than in the past 5 years. Chicago, LA, Washington, Vancouver all loaded with new hot young talent. San Jose, Philly, Colorado, Pittsburgh, Buffalo, Nashville- perennial playoff contenders holding strong in their core talents, Buffalo and the Avs stepping it up considerably this year.

You say parity, I call bullshit. This is an incredibly exciting league and the injuries and brutality aside, the game gets faster and more skilled every year. It’s a beautiful thing.

Injuries? We don’t need no stinkin’ Injury excuses.

All “healthy” now, many will say the Wings regular season has been marred by too many key injuries. Frankly, if you strapped a bandana’ed mullet on Chelios who then kidnapped me & Z, in a limo full of Guinness and mint chocolate chip ice cream and headed for Tijuana, you couldn’t convince me right now that Zetterberg isn’t injured and hiding it.

Lilja, Franzen, Z, Homer, Filps, Malts, Kronner, Stuie, Nico, Williams (Did I miss anyone? sheesh) all out for significant periods this season. Until the Olympic break, this team hasn’t played enough as a healthy whole team to gel.

And if this were anyone besides the Detroit Red Wings, who are legendary for depth, I would allow that injuries are the cause of the current circumstance. But I can’t do it.

I will allow this: This Wings team we are seeing now is gelling and playing like they want it. I just worry that we are in mid-season form, rather than Playoff form. One thing seems certain, no matter how far the Wings go this year: heart, will and experience will be far more important to this Wings team than in any other playoff season. Including Game 7 of the 2009 SCF.

Age? You can take that Bucket List and shove it up your Chelios….

The average age of a Red Wing is 30, and for once, everyone is under 40. Next question.

Exhaustion? “Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?”

HEDHS, no! (“forget it he’s on a roll”)

The longest playoff streak in all of professional sports. 18 years: 6 Conference championships, 6 Finals appearances, 4 Stanley Cups. How do you maintain the drive, passion, hunger for a third trip in a row to a Stanley Cup Finals Series? How do you play 9 months of hockey, of which more than 2 of those months are spent playing your very very best, year in and year out for 19 years? Exhaustion might be plausible.

Some would say.

And by “Some” I mean the Juice in LA who sat down and watched the first 10 minutes of this game against Calgary.

~~Luckily,~~ Ecstatically, a sub-2 minute slapper from the Mule at the blue tipped in by Homer, followed by a lovely Jimmy Howard save @ 14 seconds and Zetter channeling Stevie Y with the body block on an Iginla wrister saves the day, the playoff streak, maybe the season.

Eight is enough? Sure, if we are talking legendary Russian centers (and I do not mean “Ovie”). But right now, we have more important things to think about:

Like the Number 19.

The No. 19 hangs from the Rafters at the Joe. Arguably it’s the most important number in Hockeytown.

Czech, Czech, Hossa, Czech.

2010-03-08T10:28:00.000-08:00

I have some very exiting gossip. I'll keep it brief. A good friend and die-hard Red Wings Fan in Chicago passed this onto me last night, said he picked it up outside the Away Team's dressing room after Detroit's manhandling of the Blackhawks yesterday:

Pavel Datsyuk's "TO DO" List
March 7, 2010:

1.Single handedly "Undress" Patrick Kane near the Blueline in the United Center, silencing a pack of bandwagon "fans";

Czech

2. Toss $1.20 casually over his shoulder to the desperately chasing PK, while stealing puck in same undressing while saying: "Сдачи не надо";

Czech

3. Hang Niemi by his jockstrap while bringing 5 goals in 20 minutes;

Czech

4. Handly beat to "Olyczyk pre-dick-ted" West Confy champs on National TV.

Czech

Czech, Czech, Hossa, Czech

(ees like Duck, Duck ,Goose, but with cursed Czech Republic players.)

Suck it NBC, Suck it Chicago. Suck it every bandwagonning poseur at the United Center who chants "Detroit S---"

Yo, PK and the Towes: Get yourself a couple of legitimate playoff goaltenders, dump Hossa and his curse and call me in a year or so. You ain't going anywhere this year.

Prediction: Buck Twenty Kane and his Mohicans lose in the second round to Johnny Quick and the Mighty Doughty.

Ok ok, they will likely lose in the first round to Nabby and the Sharkettes, but I'll take that too! (Then I will have two west confy teams to whom I can chant "SECOND ROUNDERS".....

Yes I am predicting the Wings will end up in 6th or 7th. I haven't done the math, I don't know if its mathematically feasible.

Go Wings!!!!!

Upset of Olympian Proportions: USA 5, Canada 3

2010-02-22T14:47:00.000-08:00

I was not prepared to root against Stevie Yzerman (or Wyle Kenotye), in any capacity, ever.

Ever.

I adore Stevie Y and will eternally feel gratitude for all he has given this hockey fan and the City of Detroit, the people of Michigan. I will always want the very best for him. Always want him to excel and win. He deserves so much more. (This goes for Kenny Holland too.)

I was not prepared to care about a team based on nationality.

HEDHS, I am so anti-xenophobe, I feel bad for the Russians that lost to the US in 1980. I really, really do. Instead of thinking about how amazing that underdog win was for the “Miracle” team, I think about the conditions the Russian players were forced to live in as part of that team, and how badly they were treated. I worry that they got punished excessively for such a loss.

I am part of a new (and apparently miniscule) guard: those hockey fans who adore players and types of teams for their skill and talent and style of play. For sportsmanship, grace, drive, class and talent, not birth place.

I don’t believe that any single country owns this game more than any other. Further, I think only those countrymen willing to evolve with the game will continue to reign supreme in the hockey world.

and of course you all know how I feel about not getting a break for my beloved Red Wings during the Olympics. I fret and worry about injury and exhaustion. Olympic years are not fun in the NHL.

That said, I just loved watching Team USA manhandle the behemoth in the room, last night. Even as Kesler hit the empty netter with less than 2 minutes left, I was sure somehow Canada would pull it together and take over… I was both shocked and awed when USA held their ground and defended as if their lives depended on it through the last 4 minutes. The Canadian fire power was outrageous.

And yet they lost…

But before I talk about Team Canada I want to give credit where it is absolutely due: to Team USA- a team comprised of no less than 6 NHL players from Michigan (and two goal scoring kids from my hometown hood!). Very young and holding considerably less superstar fire power, USA was not expected to even come close to winning his game.

Yet, there I was, watching former MSU Spartan, Ryan Miller make tremendous save after outstanding save- playing like a dervish- just as he has all year. Seeing my own Red Wing, Brian Rafalski, lead and rally an underdog team with grace, focus and amazingly understated talent to the win against the most touted, celebrated and allegedly talent laden Olympic hockey team ever, and I was all Red White and Blue.

Hobey Hobey Hobey! HEDHS, I was even cheering Bobby Ryan on, without a trace of vomit rising in my throat.

I broke out into tears when Ryan Kesler hit that empty netter and they all dog piled on him.

The last time I cried over the outcome of a hockey game was on June 12, 2009.

USA! USA! So proud of this team, these players. I was proud of and impressed with the way Brian Rafalski brought his experience and quiet strength to lead a team of young 2nd and 3rd liners to the win. Trust me. B-Raf has been on a lot of championship teams, and he knows that stats, speculation and odds mean nothing when the puck hits the ice.

Some might argue that Brian Rafalski’s two goals, leading these young kids- a defenseman being the most prolific scorer might be a cause for concern down the line. I see that. Look, no team is gonna win the gold over Alexander Ovechkin or that insanely talented Swedish team, if only its defensemen are scoring. However, B-raf’s grace and experience allowed the rest of this young team to put aside their preconceived notions about going up against the NHL’s heaviest hitters, and sparked a confidence amongst them that has not previously been seen. Helped them settle and focus on the job at hand.

I was proud to see the rest of the team pull themselves up by their fight straps. I was so impressed with the heart displayed in defending their lead. Eric Staal exhibiting the sort of leadership Hurrcaine fans hope to see more of in the future…Chris Drury filling all New York Ranger fans with conflicting joy and despair: dropping like he was Stevie Yzerman to block a slapper by Weber and then scoring? Who is this kid?

All taking their cues from Brian Rafalski’s lead. Yet, even B-Raf wasn’t even the star of the show.

That designation goes to Hobey. Superstar!

RYAN MILLER!!!! Hobey has brought his regular season confidence and talent to this tournament in levels very few expected. Yes people, this isn’t a goalie having a great tourney, or stealing one (as some media outlets **cough-nhl.com-cough** have suggested.)

This is Ryan Miller continuing to have the greatest year of his goaltending career.

HOLY Crap Ryan Miller. You have been driving your Sabres to the top of the East all year long, and so its no surprise that you came into the Olympics so hot. Your talent is shining bro. Simply put, you are living up to the hype, and you are the reason USA won last night.

It wasn’t Canadian implosion, or the scrappiness of the USA team- it was 42 MF saves. Its you, who I am rooting for bro. I want to see Ryan Miller win on this international stage, with all these heavy hitting teams. Hobey deserves it, and damn it TEAM USA- don’t you dare let him down.

(Ryan Miller is sometimes referred to as “Hobey” because he is one of only 2 goalies to ever earn the coveted Hobey Baker Award.)

Still, Team USA, are far far away from being ready to stand atop a medal podium. I have no doubt Miller will provide the backstop you need here, but simply put, the rest of the blueline has got to step up and guard the neutral (this means you Jack Johnson and Dustin Brown.)

And Joe Pavalski- don’t make me start singing “second rounders” – cuz I will.

Kaner, Staal, Lanngenbrunner- we need more.

More More More. Tougher, faster, harder, stronger.

Ryan Kesler- this goes for you too.

Work harder than you think you can, harder than you think you should, and continue to expect more of yourself than you think possible.

Make us “Believe”. Earn it.

Speaking of “Believe”, it should come as no surprise to you that despite being thrilled for the USA, I can still picture the weight and pressure resting on the shoulders of Team Canada. Brody, Big Joe T, Getslaffed(at), Iginla and even Cindy- no one will be tougher on these guys than themselves.

Maybe Babcock. He can be a tough, mean ol’ bird.

So how did this happen? As I see it, there is no obvious excuse for Team Canada’s two failures in these Olympics. Yes 2 failures. I watched Canada-Switzerland, and thought, if these guys don’t get their poop in a group, they are going to get upset. The “win” over the Swiss was uninspired, sparkless and utterly below average.

Team Canada is rolling 4 lines of first liners. This year’s Team Canada is almost as much a dream team as the 1992 USA Basketball team. Mike Babcock has San Jose’s amazing first line as his first line, and his “fourth line” is comprised of first liners from Anaheim, Carolina, and Dallas (and Chicago), three of these 4th line players have Stanley Cup rings in this decade.

By comparison, Team USA, has 3 maybe 4 first liners-total. Seriously. This should have looked like a vets v. rookies training camp scrimmage last night.

Canada isn’t just lousy with the best teams’ first lines. You are looking at some of the best shooters, most talented puck handlers, strongest defenders in the best league in the world.

What’s more, you are looking at a shitload of NHL leadership and experience: Captain of the current Stanley Cup champs, two Stanley Cup winning goalies, the entire first line of the SJ Sharks- who perpetually lead the league in games won and points scored, several other Stanley Cup winning captains and coaches.

So what is wrong with Team Canada? Everyone has their theories. Here is what I am seeing.

Team Canada did not lose to USA because of overconfidence, as some in the mainstream media suggest. With the exception of a couple players, (and for once I am not accusing Crosby of this) I don’t see any of these guys being over confident. I fact, sometimes they look like they are afraid of being overconfident.

That said, I think a lot of it is in their heads.

Lack of chemistry, too many stars, not enough supporting actors? I think it is certainly part of it. I started to think this when the lack of energy and cohesion was apparent against Switzerland. Particularly passing through the neutral and general on ice communication.

And in the same breath I allow for chemistry as an excuse, I think to myself- Get the “fok” over it- you are Superstars. I can’t believe that this caliber of players cannot overcome chemistry.

I will also allow that, as I see it, your defense is really coming up short. I hate to say it, but you look a lot like last year’s Detroit Red Wings: Tons of fire power, no one guarding the blueline, leaving your goaltenders hanging out to dry (too bad you don’t have Ozzie..) Weber and Pronger are still relying too fully on intimidation, and Duncan Keith is just skating circles trying to be everything to everyone…

Some of the chemistry can be chalked up to leadership (then again look at the 2002 Detroit Red Wings- undeniable proof that massive amounts of HOFF Talent and Leadership can succeed).

Some of the chemistry can be chalked up to coaching. Babs is a tough guy to play for, but he will make you a better player if you let him. I am not always fan of Mike Babcock’s incessant line shuffling. I think sometimes it’s excessive and it does backfire, prohibiting a group to settle, find a rhythm and flow. Maybe that is what is going on here. Still in this instance, (with the exception of Marleau, Thornton and Heatley) none of these guys have played with each other before, so there should be no huge benefit to set linemates.

As for Brody? Some are whispering that this tournament may show that his career success owes more to the style of team he played for than his actual talent. Hm. I have no opinion on that one. (In other words, I am not sure I agree, but I see some evidence.)

Here is the thing. Babs is a tough coach to play for if you are a goalie. He likes a lot of offense, but expects his defense to rise of their own accord. He also doesn’t coddle a goaltender’s emotions, and we all know goaltenders while being the toughest bastards in any sport ever, also can be toyed with emotionally. Still, I see Luongo being a more emotional goaltender than Brody. Partially because of experience and partially because of personality.

My question is this: Why aren’t they playing Fleury? He’s having a seriously solid year. Is he hurt?

Regardless, I think Canada is in a very tough position because none of these goaltenders have looked adversity in the face. Not in the way a Ryan Miller or Evengi Nabokov or even Henrik Lundquist have faced adversity. In this respect, the Canadian goaltenders have a distinct disadvantage. I also think Nabby is the best goaltender in the Tourney, with Kipprusoff and Miller at 2nd, Hiller and Brody tied for third, at best. (Sorry ‘Berto, Henrik- you have to earn it.)

Chemistry, Too many cooks not enough blueline tending, Tough coaching staff, goaltending- these are all contributing to the mediocre results from Team Canada.

Losing in these preliminary rounds, while no real indicator of final success, will only be seen as complete failure and implosion in Canada. HEHDS, they closed “The Beer Store” early in Vancouver to avoid riots last night.

But that would be a mistake. The Team Canada you saw against Switzerland and the USA will not be the team you see going forward. I will chug a bottle of maple syrup if the home team continues imploding.

It ain’t over until the Canadian Mountie sings. I just refuse to believe that Canada cannot get its act together. Team Canada may be carrying the weight of their entire country’s highest, most crushing expectations, but that is why it’s impossible to believe they won’t rise to the occasion.

Then again, maybe nationalism isn’t enough anymore….

12 Steps: Thoughts on this year’s Detroit Red Wings, from a former blogging addict.

2010-01-17T13:08:00.001-08:00

It’s Sunday morning in January, 10:00 AM Pacific. I just happened to turn the television on while I get ready to head to the beach for a run, when I see the TV Guide listing: “NHL Hockey” on NBC.

Groan.

It’s the Detroit-Chicago match up. How could I forget? After yesterday’s loss to Dallas, I must have blocked hockey from my consciousness.

Don’t get me wrong, My west coast “never get to see a week night game” ass cherishes any weekend game. Its just that having to watch Hockey on NBC sucks royally. First, Jeremy Roenick. Really? Roenick? Were Cheli or even Shanny too busy? (Insert your own “Drunk Cheli” Joke here, I won’t dignify it.) Sean Avery would be preferable.

And as most hockey fans know, they love Eddie Olczyk at NBC, so the commentary will be puke-arfically biased toward Chicago.

I’d rather watch the Chicago FSN feed. Serially.

I take the running shoes off, send the boyfriend to the gym without me. I grab another cup of coffee and sit down to watch. I have not seen a Detroit-Chicago match up all year, but every fool who has ever heard of hockey in this town-

All 6 of them.

Every fool whose heard of Hockey in this town has the audacity to try to needle me with the question of “standings”- “ooooohhhh Chicago is first”, “oooh Chicago has all the great stats”.

So did San Jose last year. And the year before.

Best stats? Can you say Ovie and Mike Green?

All of whom were all lucky enough to be able to spend quality time admiring those stats from the cheap seats while Detroit made it -for the third year in a row to Confy finals, and the second year in a row to Game 7 of the SCF.

And what about them Thucks? Scrambling for 8^th place in April 2009, suddenly in the Confy Finals. A team that changed my favorite San Jose Shark taunt from “Second Rounders ((clap, clap – clap clap clap))” to “FIIIIRRRRSSSTTT Rounders, ((clap, clap – clap clap clap))”, almost made it to the SCF for the second in three years?

And because I have a long memory and like the continuity of “three”, I vividly recall and shall never forget (ever) a 1995 Detroit Red Wings team that won the President’s but left Jersey without Stanley. And then they did it again the next year against Wah and the Avs.

It took us a while to learn this lesson, but here it is: Only one trophy matters people. At least in Hockeytown, where we know a little bit about these things.

Yes it’s a bit “egotistical”, but this franchise has earned the right to expect nothing but the best. I watch Cup winning teams like the 2007 Ducks, great teams like the Sharks of the late 2000s, the 2009 Bruins, all rise to great heights, only to fall short, year after year. I see the 2008 Stars, and the Capitals, teams so loaded with the very best talent, and yet unable to convert it to anything close to the ultimate prize.

Something about the brightest star burning out the fastest?

You see my point. Yes I could have gone with an Icarian analogy, but there are no waxen Wings in Detroit.

Anyhew. I haven’t done much writing about Hockey or this Red Wing Team this year. Mainly because I’ve all but stopped blogging. I am an addict. For a long time I couldn’t even watch a game without a full blog popping into my head. I was addicted and it was taking my entire life over.

I was successful in staying away from the compooter most of this season. But the first twitches began watching the WC. And then The Wings headed west for a stellar West Coast road trip. First of the year in Cali. Great games in Phoenix and San Jose, combined with the chance to see a very (VERY) discombobulated Wings team humiliate an incredibly hungry and talented Kings team –in person and up close. Well.

You can’t take leave Hasselhoff alone in the kitchen with the key to the liquor cabinet and a bag of cheeseburgers, you don’t tug on Superman’s cape, and I would hasten to spit into the wind.

And so it’s no surprise that I fell off the Zamboni.

Addiction is never cured people, its is merely managed. They say the road back is 12 steps, 12 steps. Never quit quittin? Sure why not. And in honor of my continued recovery, I offer 12 thoughts on this year’s Detroit Red Wings.

Darren Helm. I wanted to start out with one of my Favorites, and in a year when the likes of Howard, Homer, Malts, Draper and Bertuzzi are totally dominating, simply put no other Wing is shining as brightly this year. He is skating circles around everyone- HEDHS he makes Draper look like he has to keep up. Great shots, fantastic on defense, not afraid to hit, smart plays. And the breakaways- oh the breakaways. God I love this kid. When he first broke the lineup, as part of the hudded-helm line in 2008, I was completely enchanted. For good reason, He is the next Detroit Red Wing Franchise Player.

In Russian, “Pavel Datsyuk” means “perfect”. Sigh. I practically live to see Pavel Datsyuk on the puck this year. He can do no wrong. The takeaways, the dekes, the spins, slaloms and turns. The masterful puck handling. Forechecking and defense, oh my! Sigh. Half the time I don’t even care if his efforts don’t get a goal- I just love seeing Pasha with the puck.

And as I speak, Pavel Datsyuk is introducing all of Hockey to a brand new way of scoring a shootout goal. Sheer brilliance. The most amazingly creative puck handler on earth.

The Rooks Takin’ Pawns and Names, Detroit Red-Griffins making an impact. Its started in last year’s playoffs. We had more AHL players called up than any other team. At times we had 5-6 AHL players (all of whom who had just won a Calder Cup) playing in the Confy and League finals. Howard, Helm, Ericsson, Leino, Abs, Meech all getting great ice time this year.

Keep it up boys. And keep going. We are going to need more from you this year.

More than you have ever given, more than you think you can give.

You are a Detroit Red Wing. This means you are the best of the best and you must live up to this expectation. Speaking of which, here is the Detroit Red Wing Rookie setting the bar….

Jimmy “Dyno-Mite” Howard. Holy shit Jimmy Howard. Your patience paid off. You are making us incredibly proud. And your talent is on par with some of the best.

52 Saves in Regulation January 7, 2010 in LA. Jack MF Johnson? HEDHS NO, more like: “52 MF Saves”. (I know the stats call 51 saves, I saw 52. I am that arrogant.)

I am not saying I cried when Jimmy didn’t get the shutout on Jan. 7- but I am not saying I didn’t. (You deserved one JJ, you deserved one.) And you are standing on your head today too. Love!

I can’t find the stat on most saves in regulation, but The Dominator made 70 saves through 4 OT periods for a shut out against the devils in 1994. Jimmy MF Howard made 52 saves in regulation. It has to count for something.

But dayum, I can’t come up with a nickname for you JJ. Although I am partial to Jimmy “Dyno-mite” Howard. I know it’s a stretch. I can’t come up with anything else. What about: “52 MF Saves Howard” as a nickname? Maybe not.

Buns of Steel and (who knew?)A Deft Touch on the Stick. HEHDS Yes, Homer! Homer is one of the best examples we have this year of a player who shows you how stepping up to cover of the injuries for others is done. He may well be having the best year of his career, and thank Holland for it! And when I think of the fact that he has played/battled in the crease for the last 4 seasons well into June (like many of our greats) it makes me all the more proud.

Tomas Holmstrom- the very essence of that legendary Detroit Red Wing depth. And his butt was NOT in the crease.

Division/Confy/League Standings. Repeat after me:

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS YEAR’S DETROIT RED WINGS. Repeat this as necessary. If not burned into your brain by Playoffs, commence with hitting yourself in the head with a 2x4 while chanting this phrase until it sinks in.

No, I will not use “injury” as an excuse. No, I will not use the “rebuilding” excuse. No, I am not going to whisper “perhaps 4 straight years of confy/league finals playing September to June is just too demanding tiring in this insane league.

And I am not letting any of you do it either.

Who gives a chipped tooth about standings? Until March, that is. Wake me up in March. If Detroit isn’t in the top 8 in the West by April Fools, then I will worry.

Yawn.

“D” in The “D” During the pre-season, Bab’s made it clear Detroit would be heading back to its roots, We would spend this year looking more defensively minded. Of course that was when we thought we’d have a full season rolling 4 lines of 8 defensemen, but hey: THIS is Detroit.

We are supposed to be soo deep injuries don’t affect us.

We got off to a slow start, but more and more I am seeing progress. Our neutral zone is getting tighter, our Kill is getting better.

But between you and me. I worry a little about our defense. So far I have not see a full 60 minutes of solid Detroit Defense. I am not used to this. I am not used to seeing anyone but Lebda make mistakes on defense. But the opposition breakaways are killing me this year. WE can’t rely solely on Nico and B-Raf. We just can’t.

Besides, far too often I am seeing goals scored while Nic and B-Raf are on the ice. Frankly, I am just not used to it. Are their numbers showing weakness? A quick Plus minus check reveals that like last year, Nico is still +15, but in ‘07 he was +40. B-Raf was +17 last year and he’s +10 this year.

Of course these two should not have to carry the whole defensive burden, time for the younger kids to step up. Not to say Nico is showing age- BECAUSE HE ISNT….cripe. It feel sacrilegious say anything even remotely negative about Nico. But last year and early this year it frustrated me to NO END that so many scoring opps came from the point and that wicked slapper, only to end up in a rebound and a 3 on 2 scoring chance for the opposition. Then again, If Nic didn’t save their asses so many time from the point, who else would have scored?

And just as I attempt to so diplomatically intimate that perhaps Nic Lidstrom shouldn’t be our most prolific shooter, He puts Detroit on the Board in today’s game.

Sigh.

As for the rest of you Detroit D-men. Well let’s put it this way. Brad Stuart- you are busting your ass and saving ours, play like when you first came to Detroit. I LOVE IT!. And I can’t wait until Kronner gets back- we need you 2 to be the second coming of Nico-Raf. You can do it. You are THAT talented.

Brett Lebda: For the first time ever, I now watch games without yelling at you. HEDHS, most times I even cheer for you! And when you were in LA, I was so impressed with the way you have stepped up. Keep it up. You, Kronner and B-Stu are the future and we need you to develop your talent to the fullest level.

Summer Lovin’, had me a blast. Offensive Losses taking their toll on Detroit? Its just offensive. I will high stick the next person who says Wings are suffering because we “lost” Hossa or any other goal scoring forward.

First: Hossa. We did not “lose Hossa”, People. We met him while at summer camp and we had a lovely charming little fling. We promised to write and maybe even see each other during the school year. We said our goodbyes as the leaves changed colors.

But it was never meant to last. It was a fling. A lovely, fun affair. Wings did not resign him because he had a torn rotator, and he was too expensive. Case Closed.

Yes we lost some big goal scorers, what of it? Detroit has never banked its success on high scoring games ever. EVER. Don’t any you remember the days of 0-0 scores with 3 minutes left in the 3^rd? If not take a look at today’s 1^st period, that is how you play Red Wing hockey. Or last weeks game against San Jose - a neutral zone clinic (by both teams, akshully).

Listen to Babs: “We just have to keep creating good chances.” Sounds like Scotty, Stevie Draper and everyone else in the late 1990’s-early 2000s. This year’s Wings team looks more like the 1998-2002 Wings than any recent Wings team. And its not a bad thing.

2009 was an anomaly people. It was our opportunity to have some fun in the sun. It was swimming holes and craft table, campfires and moonlit walks. Yes 2009 was fun. So is summer camp. Eventually everyone has to pack their bunk and say tearful goodbyes and head home to your roots.

Beefed up Wings: Eaves, May and Bertz. Knowing my stance on thuggery hockey, you probably think that I cringed cried and whimpered when we picked up Bertuzzi and a Thuck this summer.

Unfortunately and perhaps surprisingly, you’d be wrong. Nic Lidstrom’s shish ka-balls and watching a completely battered nearly broken Wings team skating on nothing but heart and will through the 2009 Stanley Cup Finals has brought me over to the darkside.

I never want to see Pavel Datsyuk’s head crushed against the glass. Again. I want assholes like Ryan, Ott and Wisniewski, to all think twice before hammering Hank. I don’t want to see Ozzie or Jimmy bashed around anymore.

And I never (NEVER) want to hear the word “spear” in connection with the Lidstrom Family Jewels again.

So yes, I am wholeheartedly embracing the addition of Todd Bertuzzi and Brad May. Know what? Bertz is killing it. Absolutely looks like he is having the time of his life playing with Pasha. His legs look fresh as a 2 year old colt and he is as offensively potent, as menacing. In short, Bertuzzi has had the opportunity on this team to figure out how to shoot softly, but carry a big stick. He’s doing a bang up job, and I like him as a Wing. Yes I do.

2Ts 2Ps- yes. Valtteri Filppula, I owe you an apology. I did not like your contract, though it was too much money, and your performance last year cemented that opinion. But this year?

You are standing on your head, you are making plays and saving our ass at both ends of the ice and yes I saw you pull another Bobby Orr against San Jose in the second last week. Breathtaking. Earning your keep and looking like a true Red Wing.

FIL-PPUL-ORR!

Nobody Beats the Wiz. I am unashamedly, unabashedly, and ferverently among the faithful that will never doubt Chris Osgood. Never.

I am thrilled that “52 MF Saves Howard” is playing so amazingly. But I don’t like that Jimmy has played 12 games straight. Its not good for either goaltender. I worry that Ozzie is being punished for a bad start. I get mad thinking that Ozzie gets blamed by a good lot of you for not standing on his head in November when our defense broke down game after game.

I don’t know what is going on with Oz, really. I speculate that he may not take the first half of the season as seriously as Babs would like, and so he doesn’t stand on his head to make game saving goals when the D breaks down.

I assume that he knows- all too well- that it is an incredibly long season, a marathon, and not a sprint- and played accordingly early on.

I am still holding on to the assumption that come playoffs, Ozzie will be in Goal and the position will be his to loose. I also assume that there is no way in hell that he would ever lose it. Chris Osgood is a playoff goalie, plain and simple. Very few will ever match him for his ability to back up a team through the playoffs.

12 games straight worries me, makes me wonder if Babs is over Ozzie. But I guarantee this: If Babs starts Jimmy Howard in the playoffs, Ozzie will not only play clean up once Jimmy gets lit up, but he will have to save us, once again reminding us all why is he is one of the best ever.

Injuries and the Olympics. Ugh. I am dreading the Olympics. Too many Wings on too many teams. I’d prefer it if our boys were resting, taking those two weeks to rehab injuries and get ready for the playoffs. I will freak out if anyone gets injured while playing in the Olympics. I don’t even think I can watch.

Wow, it felt good to get all that off my chest. And the game is over now, time to get back to real life. And so should you! Cheers!

Oh Captain, our Hockey Hall of Fame Captain. Steve Yzerman is Second to None.

2009-11-09T11:27:00.000-08:00

Before I even start writing about what Stevie Y has meant to the Detroit Red Wing Organization and her fans, a lump forms in my throat and my heart swells just a little. Its not an exaggeration to reveal that I can barely write about The Captain without tears welling up. Steve Yzerman means that much to so many of us.

There might not be a player in the history of the League that means so much to so many.

So on this day of celebration, every Red Wings fan should take a moment to stop and thank The Captain for all he has given us.

Done yet? no? Good- Stevie Y deserves every last moment of gratitude.

In 1983, the entire Metro Detroit Area found itself thrilled and captivated by the soft spoken boy with the amazing hands and lightning speed who would come to don (some say "tattooed to his chest") the red Winged Wheel for the next 23 years. An incredibly handsome 18 year old from Nepean, Ontario. The boys wanted to be him and the girls wanted to marry him. (Trust me on that one, I replaced my Scott Baio and Outsiders posters with a picture of Stevie Y.) Stay Golden Stevie Y, Stay Golden.

With stats more impressive than most of those beloved in the hockey world, Steve Yzerman did it all with a grace, class and quite strength that is second to none.

With grace, class and quiet strength he accomplished more than even the most revered and beloved sports figures throughout history.

No other player in the history of the league has accomplished as much as Stevie Y all the while keeping his nose and his skates incredibly clean. There has never been a scandal associated with The Captain or his family. No gambling, drunk driving, strip clubs, baby mommas. Not even a cross word to a fan. As Captain, he was second to none, leading by example with the uncanny ability to quiet a locker room containing the likes of Bob Probert, Darren McCarty and a host of other colorful characters, merely by quietly opening his mouth. No one on ice ever called him a dirty player, no one who has played the game has ever said anything negative about his talent or character.

And despite being quiet, well spoken, incredibly shy, injured a good period of his career, surviving yearly trade rumors, and blamed by some for failing to earn a SC in the 1980's, he ended a 41 year drought, leading our Red Wings to 3 Stanley Cup Championships, staying with the franchise that drafted him for his entire career, while earning and holding countless franchise and league records.

Grace, Class and Quiet Strength. And a killer wrist shot. Unfathomable in this day and age. In any day or age.

Wings fans owe Steve Yzerman endless thanks, but we also owe him an apology too. The Captain would likely cringe at what I am about to write, perhaps be a bit embarrassed about the fuss. But when looking back on this storied career, a true fan would be remiss in failing to remind everyone that there was a time when trade rumors swirled around Steve with such intensity and frequency that everyone either came to believe them or resigned themselves to the "fact". And it didn't help that these rumors grew strongest during a time when our beloved hockey team was not so fondly referred to as the "Dead Wings", while he battled debilitating back injuries and pain.

The trade rumors came to a head as Scotty Bowman came into the Red fold. Most people thought the Bowman era would herald in the end of the Detroit Red Wing franchise player and send Steve away.

Maybe you didn't realize it at the time, but I know you know it now.

We got incredibly lucky.

Mr. Yzerman stayed and even the biggest critics would breathe a sigh of relief. Still anxious and begging for that elusive "Win", almost all agreed that we were glad someone so beloved, loyal and talented had not been cast away. In that experience, Wings fans learned a valuable life lesson: that character, grace, class and quiet strength were more important to this franchise than short term gain, that in life and sport, the "win"- at any cost- shouldn't be the goal.

Once more Steve Yzerman gave in ways no one ever expects an athlete to give. He made us better sports fans. His example shown so that we could realize what we should have remembered: that the "win" alone does not make the game important.

He didn't take any of it lightly either. Steve Yzerman has always understood the responsibility of his role, and he has never faltered in giving us his very best. And without harboring any sign of resentment or feelings of betrayal, Stevie Y made it through those rumor and times sticking to his golden example:

Grace, Class and Quiet Strength, always giving his all, without excuse.

Upon surviving into the Bowman Era, Stevie Y would surpass every expectation (except perhaps his own) and give back more than we ever asked. Astounding because we were asking for the moon and the sky and a shiny silver cup from which to drink it all in.

Stevie Y never let us down. He not only survived one of the more difficult eras of League/game evolution, but he gave back to us for every last little bit of trust and reliance we Wings fans placed with him. He came back a stronger, healthier more talented leader than he had ever been before.

He lead the Detroit Red Wings into and through 18 years of championship hockey. Played for and won three Stanley Cups, lead the team to become the most storied team in all of sports, with 18 consecutive playoff appearances.

When we doubted him, he never gave up on us. Or himself.

Immeasurable. Grace, Class and Quiet Strength.

"Red Wing for Life." I can still hear Mr. Ilitch saying it in June 1997. And we all cried our eyes out. I might even be crying now. I can't help it. Its difficult to express just how much The Captain means to Red Wings fans.

I can tell you this. I have had the luxury of attending quite a few away games and can attest that one cannot enter a single NHL venue in this U.S. of A. on a night when the Red Wings visit without seeing an overwhelming number of Yzerman Sweaters. I would have no problem believing that in terms of sheer numbers there are only one or two (maybe 3) players in the history that have sold more hockey sweaters.

I can also assure you of this: neither the amount of joy he has given Detroit Red Wing fans, nor gratitude we owe him can be measured. If you have had the misfortune of reading anything else I write, have read how much the Detroit Red Wings have meant to my family, rest assured you know that its Steve Yzerman who sits at the top of the list of individuals responsible for the joy and care we have experienced.

And so on this day of Steve Yzerman's induction into the HHOF, I say:

" Oh Captain, my Captain, Thank you. Thank you Mr. Yzerman, for everything."

Simply put might be the only fitting way to truly express the adoration and gratitute felt.

Rebuild, Retool or Repeat? Your 2009 Detroit Red Wings.

2009-09-29T14:44:00.001-07:00

Rebuild, Retool, Repeat? All through the offseason I have been tossing this alliterative query around in my head. Ok, ok not all summer- just since we lost the 4 Horsemen to the Apocalypse.

Since Hoss, Huds, Sammy and Conks all flew the Red Bird One Coop, I have been beseeched with concern, trepidation, worry even. Realizing that for the first time in a long while, this year’s Red Wing team will not look virtually identical to the previous season’s incarnation of greatness.

And with the loss of a great back up Goaltender and 4 goal scorers worth 80 points and a bag of used mouth guards-

What???? I am bitter about Sammy and Huds, leave me alone.

With the loss of 4 goal scorers worth 80 points and a bag of used mouth guards, plus the eternal questions in Net, well this 2009-2010 Season is likely to give any good Red Wings fan nervous fits and the occasional facial tick whenever the phrases “Geno Malkin” and “bloody balls” are uttered.

I look stupid with facial ticks, so I am doing the only thing I can: Analysis of where our Wings stand after last year’s heartbreaking season's end. Time to dive in and ask the hard questions.

What will these Red Wings accomplish this 2009-2010 season: rebuilding, retooling or repeating?

Are the Wings in a Rebuilding Year?

There are plenty of “experts out there (cough, cou-THN-gh, cough) who think the Wings are on the decline and in the process of rebuilding. With rookies Helm, Howard, McCollum, Ericsson, Leino, Abdelkader (just learn to spell it now, people. Its much easier if you don’t resist.) and Meech all selling their lake effect property in GR and trading in their Lions wings for Red ones, the Wings have more rookie ass warming the bench and top 3 lines than any Wings team in recent history.

Yes, I am using the term “rookie” loosely. Let it go.

In fact for the first time in about 5 years, the naysayers are out of luck using their standard fare of Red Wing jokes and criticisms. Wings have 13 Twenty somethings in the lineup and 9 Thirty somethings.

And not one player over the age of 39. No one carrying an AARP Card or riding a Rascal to the Rink. Anymore.

Only Lidstrom is over 36 years of age. Save the “Cane” jokes for Chicago and let Chelios go. We did.

(AAWWWWW, low blow Juice- not cool. Why you gotta hate on Cheli? I couldn’t help it, the joke wrote itself. I have nothing but love for Cheli, and mad props for his amazing contributions to the Red Wing Organization, the sport and American hockey. You can tell I mean this sincerely because I did not add “and Chili” to the end of that last sentence.)

Of our 13 youngins cracking Babcock’s line up, 7 of them are seeing their first season starting in the NHL. Anyone would look at those numbers and think “holy crap- Rebuild in Detroit, ask for an autograph.”

But I disagree. Sure we have tons of rookies breaking the line up this year, but these are no average rookies. These are “kids” who can compete and win at the highest levels in the league. Anyone of these players could have cracked the line up of at least half the league last year or the year before. Our rookies do not signify “rebuild”.

Each of these rooks has seen some incredible NHL ice time, most impressively in last year’s playoff run to the Stanley Cup Finals. I want to be the first to point out that although we did not repeat as Champs last year, the fact that the Wings pulled 4 or more AHL players up after they completed their season and relied heavily on them in the SCF, getting all the way to Game 7, speaks volumes about the talent of these players.

Guys like Helm, Ericsson, Abs, Leino were integral in stepping the fawk up and keeping us in it to try to win it. Playing like seasoned pros when they had barely ever seen the inside of the Joe before. These boys played with the grace, heart, class and talent that Red Wing fans like you and I expect, beyond their years or experience.

Its going to be hella exciting to watch them in their first NHL year, and they are all gonna be good, maybe even great.

"Bertuzzi" Does Not (Necessarily) Mean “Tool”.

Repeat after me: “In Holland we Trust, Todd Bertuzzi won’t let us down, In Holland We Trust.” Then go sacrifice a Chris Pronger bobble head to the Hockey Gods, and thank your lucky stars Steve Ott wasn’t on the UFA list.

But what about Bertuzzi, Juice?

If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me that question, I could have bought Kris Draper’s Contract.

In 1992.

Look. Bertuzzi is a thug. I’m sorry. Its gonna be very difficult for me to warm up to the idea of needing a hired gun on an elite Red Wings team. But you know what’s more difficult? Watching guys like Pronger, Ryan, Ott, Carcillo, Ivanais, Cammalleri, Ruutu and Burrows pummel the Datsyuks and Zetterbergs.

Or watching a second rounder punk in the second city spear Nic Lidstrom in the tomatoes and send him into emergency surgery.

I can’t tell you how many times last year I wished for a Darren McCarty presence on the ice. For no reason other than deterrence. Look. As long as the league refuses to address fighting, then its suicide to not have an enforcer (or two) in your line up and I support the decision to go looking for a little muscle/psychosis. For deterrence. (I mean it.)

Unable to will D-Mac onto the roster with the force and power of my mind, I would have preferred to steal Scott Hartnell, but he has a damn NTC. What to do what to do? Ken-otye knew what to do. Even if we fans aren’t visionary enough to appreciate it yet.

Let’s face it with Bertuzzi out there you will get a skater with speed and decent hands who can and will also beat the puck out of anyone who messed with his team mates. Or anyone who doesn’t. Anyone really.

By the way did you know that 7 Anaheim Thucks cracked the top 50 players earning the most penalty minutes last year? Not even Philly- who had 4, The Rangers (4) Vancouver (3) or Ottawa (2) had that many top 50 penalty minute earners….Dirty Thucks.

Bertuzzi is Yiddish for “Retool”

Picking up Todd Bertuzzi is a sign to me that the Wings looked at the number of opponent caused injuries and the woefully beat up state of our Red Wings at the end of 2009 and had no choice but to fill the enforcer role. Then they drained more blood from Lids boy parts and dreamt of the days when Darren McCarty was king.

Then they got the rug pulled out from under them and lost 80 goals.

Where the HEDHS are we gonna get 80 goals??

Williams, Bertuzzi, Eaves, oh my. This isn’t your father’s HuddedHossSam. But only a fool would look at Wiley Ken-otye’s offseason acquisitions and think he hired these guys as replacements. He didn’t even hire them as “The Replacements.”

Hmm- I wonder if Keanu Reeves was available…."That man is facking an animal!”

At :10 seconds and again at :31… But I digress.

Look. Just short of kidnapping Ovie, dressing him up in a Canadian Mountie uniform and brain washing him into believing his name is Travis Erhardt from Saskatchewan, and that he plays for Detroit, the Wings weren’t going to make up 80 lost goals by scrambling for UFAs.

But why are you sweating it??? Wings will get 30-40 of those goals back if Helmer and Leino have good years. If Bertuzzi lives up to Ken-otye’s expectations there are another 20-25 goals. AND if Jason Williams actually manages to play to his potential (ie: avoid those pesky season ending splinters from riding the bench), there is another 25. There are your 65-75 goals.

Its up to the Defense to do the rest- Both Babs and Ken-otye have said as much. “Our defense has got to be better.” Translation? Better goal tending and stronger D.

It only makes sense. Anyone worth their Yzerman sweater see that last year’s scoring circus was really an anomaly. Seeing games where Wings had 5-6, 7 goals? Bizarre to me. Traditionally, the Detroit Red Wings have always been more balanced team- hell the Wings invented (for NHL purposes) and perfected (Pavel Datsyuk) the defensive forward and the Wings were instrumental in successfully overcoming a pure trap defense style in the league. Some would say the first.

Wings will be back focusing on defense this year, which raises the only real unknown in my mind:

Can Jimmy Howard Adequately Replace Ty Conklin?

This is the big question. The Superunknown if you will. Detroit Goaltending- always under fire. Sigh. Will Ozzie have his best regular season ever? Is Howard ready for the Show? If not, is it wrong to hope that Chicago will make a huge error and let the injured Huet go, or can we pick up a guy like Boucher, Bryz, Ersberg or Hiller from a West Coast team for less than $1MM?

Truth is the only unknown with any weight in support of a “rebuilding year” argument is the goaltending. But it doesn’t have the strongest legs. Rookie goalies can do great thing- this isn’t your father’s league. Look at Mason, Quick, Ersberg, Rinne and Varlamov. All had great showings last year. And Jimmy believes he is ready. Babs believes he is ready. Case closed, shut your five hole, er pie hole.

Bottom line: Wings will be fine. We will be more than fine. This is a retooled Red Wing team, with a handful of super talented young guns who have been chomping at the bit to get to the show, and a solid core of vets who are still the fastest, sharpest, most talented mothra fokkers from here to Gardenia. Retool? Yea a bit, but only so that its even more likely than not that we will:

Repeat after me: The Detroit Red Wings are Still the Best.

Yes, I think with this team, retooled and revamped, that the Wings can and will make it back to the Finals. Let’s look at the rest of the confy. Sharks remain basically intact, with a couple of surprising losses and a couple great acquisitions that likely will not be enough.

Let’s face it, if San Jose had half the heart their fans show, they’d have been Stanley Cup champs long before now.

Some argue that the pain of repeatedly letting their fans and themselves down will give them an extra edge. But I have been a heartbroken fan at the end of a season cut too short. If the Sharks didn’t get momentum off that sort of heartbreak in 2008, where will it come from after getting drop kicked in the first round? Claude Lemieux?

Speaking of Anaheim. Did someone step on a Duck? Losing a Neid-a-weiner and Pronger leaves a big hole in their thug-fence. Anaheim appears to have spent the off season trying to gain some finesse, but that is a classic mistake. No way Anaheim can compete with the Wings or Sharks in finesse, puck possession or pure talent. Hell, they can’t compete in those areas with Chicago, even if Hossa’s shoulder never heals. Anaheim has become slightly less concerning- they will be lucky to be ranked 4^th or 5^th in the Confy, depending on how Vancouver and Dallas handle.

Chicago? I got a Buck twenty says they don’t make it past the second (city) round. The Blackhawks will make another valiant effort. Maybe they’ll even shoot for the Presidents Cup. They seem to be following in the traditional path of mistakes so many top tier teams make trying to get to the cup. Yawn. Who cares.

The biggest threat to the Wings’ goal of repeating a trip to the Stanley Cup Finals remains with the Sharks, followed by a lesser concern of having to battle through the Thucks. Luckily the Wings just got a bit tougher, and the Thucks just got a little less tough. Sharks remain essentially the same, and if the Wings and Sharks ever meet up in a Western Confy Final- it will be some of the most exciting hockey you will ever see. Luckily my team has more heart and wants it more. More importantly, Wings know how to win.

Bottom Line: Wings can repeat. And what is more- they want to. 80 games until Playoffs....Bring on Sweden Baby- its time to shoot some puck!

Burning Questions for the 2009-2010 NHL Season

2009-09-16T10:45:00.000-07:00

HEDHS people, Hockey is back!

In honor of this week's pre-season kickoff, I put to you the questions burning a hole in my blocker this season. In other words here are my 30 for 30, (plus two for the KHL and Swedish Elite). Got your own? chime in!

Sean Avery’s first gaff: Will it be goalie or girlfriend related?
Can the Stars survive Crawford, or have they become the new Thucks?
In which game will Ray Emery shank someone?
Pavel Datsyuk. No question, just can’t wait to see him on ice again.
Will the Bruins wake from their hibernation, set the picinic basket aside and pull together a real Finals run?
How magnificent will it be to see Sid have to deal with Pronger all season?
Is Jimmy Howard ready for the show?
Did the Heatley-Cheechoo-Milan trade benefitted Ottawa more than the Sharks?
Did the LA Kings gain any experience and wisdom last season?
Will they allow Niedermeyer and Selanne to use their “Rascals” on the ice this year?
How quickly after a Detroit fan throws $1.20 on the ice at the United Center will Hossa pick it up?
Will Fox or ESPN pick up Phoenix’ “Coyote Ugly: the reality series” for the fall season? No coach, no wins, no money: All the drama, half the fans.
Will Joe Sakic continue to shovel his own drive now that he has all that free time?
Will Montreal make bad fashion statements again, in the name of tradition? Damn Frenchies.
How will Gary Bettman apologize to Nic Lidstrom for the unwarranted All-Star punishment upon learning that Nico had a torn ligament in his elbow at the time? Flowers? Edible arrangements? A Teddy bear with a sling on its arm?
When will Glen Sather make his first colossal mistake of the season?
Will Steve Mason live up to his rookie year?
Is Tukka Rask the coolest name in Hockey right now? Or is it the name most likely to earn the following chant/signage: “Tuuka Rask? Looks more like someone Tukka Dump!”
How fantastic will Darren Helm be at the, uh.... ahem, ahh., Well you can guess.
Will ANYONE care what happens with the Maple Leafs?
Who will be the worst team in Hockey this year: Leafs, Coyotes, Thrashers, Islanders, Avs, Lightning?
Will anyone ever buy me a Scotty Hartnell “Fro” wig?
How soon in the marketing season will it be before the entire NHL Fanbase starts bringing effigies of Crosby to games?
Will Ovie break Gretz’ record for fastest 50, and score more than 50 goals in less than 39 games?
What will the Wild do this year to make a faster offense work with the Trap, and will Backstop still reign as the most underrated goalie in the league?
Will Jiri Hudler forgo sleeping on his requisition “cot” in the Red Army Barracks, and instead sleep on piles of money?
How many assault charges will be levied against Patrick Roy’s kid this year? (I’m guessing 30.)
Can Manny Legace help Atlanta become less mediocre?
Will Luongo prove he’s a playoff goalie or falter?
Will Forsberg play for the Swedes in the Olympics, prompting obsessive, non-stop and rampant speculation that he’s coming back to the NHL?
Will the Canes once more ward off talks that their season is staaled by surprising us all again with a stellar playoff run?
Do we have to listen to another half season of “Will Sundin play or won’t he” speculation, and why does anyone care???

CONFESSION OF AN EXHAUSTED HOCKEY FAN

2009-09-13T12:24:00.000-07:00

Author’s note: If you haven’t followed my past blogs, some of this will not make sense. More than anything, this blog is a cathartic exercise for me. I apologize and I thank you for your indulgence.

Depravity and Deprivation in LA

We didn’t realize it, but at the time of the Detroit Red Wings 2008 Stanley Cup playoff run, my brother and I were feeling an unprecedented level of quiet depravation. Years in LA, the lockout, life had caused us to lose touch with one of the more significant vehicles of entertainment and bonding in our lives: our love and devotion to the Detroit Red Wings. We were oblivious to the fact that we were searching for ways to spend more time to spend together,to re-experience a piece of our past that had meant so much in our family.

Quiet depravation.

Double entendred and purposefully misspelled if you will: A sense of loss and a level of depravity, you can only get immersing yourself as a true Los Angelenos.

And immerse we had. Not much of my mid-western Detroit “self” existed anymore in this spring of 2008. Four years after leaving Day-twa, I fit well into my Los Angeles home. The only thing I missed from my Midwestern roots-besides loved ones- were the Wings.

Maybe its in the blood, maybe part of the lifeblood that strengthens our relationship. Either way, by spring 2008 we were really jonesing for Hockey.

An unrealized sense of loss, combined with the nostalgic need to reconnect with each other through something that had been a strong glue, solidifying and helping form the relationship we had long ago nurtured all came to a head for my Brother and I.

It was sort of a perfect storm.

We started out with random texts in February and March, “McCarty’s back, did you see?” “HEDHS YES” “Love me some Macs.”

Then getting together for a NBC Saturday Feature: Wings versus Avs. A classic rivalry. And we sat there eating Baja Fresh, watching our Red Wings smother the Avs. We were blown away and unbelieving. Were these Wings this good, or those Avs this bad? (As it turns out: Both.) We were hooked back into something we had not closely followed in years.

It couldn’t be helped, really. The 2008 Wings were brilliant and exciting to watch. This looked like the teams of 1997, 1998 and 2002- only more. Already in mid March they were in playoff form: tight, methodical and sofaking talented. Mesmerizingly so.

Pasha and Hank “Wonder-twins activate: form of the perfect wing duo”. Nico, the brilliant silent leader. Homer and Ozzie. The thrill was back.

The 2008 Red Wings overwhelmed and amazed us. “Might be the best Red Wing team ever.” Hushed tones.

We relished every last playoff game and the time we finally found to spend together. Our love for the team and the game was re-ignited. My brother bought some new gear, started picking up extra games at his Burbank rink and joined another league.

For me it took a different turn. Unable to whiff even a wristshot, I could not expend my hockey en-fueled energy with sport. I began writing about that incredible Red Wing playoff run. And then, thanks to the wonderful people who read what I write and their amazing encouragement, I kept writing. A community of amateur Hockey writers- true fans of the game, grew from our interactions and fueled our involvement and interest in the game. We gave each other great energy and friendship.

I immersed myself in this hockey world. I wrote about free agency trades and the draft. I spent the summer covering hockey news as I learned about the league. For the first time in my life, I closely followed the whole league and the sport, not just one team. I made wonderful friends who were hockey fans, I joined a fantasy league. I received praise for my insight and opinions from one of the best in the business. I affirmed the knowledge that my appreciation for the game is firmly rooted in loving the game the Red Wings organization not only perfects and embodies, but which is so successful that it has fundamentally impacted the evolution of the league.

I learned, shared what I learned, and fell in love with the game. I made amazing friends.

A Year of Hockey

I wrote 3-4 times a week. Some weeks I wrote every day. I read copiously, ran a weekly radio show, did surprisingly well in my fantasy league and never missed a Red Wing game. I traveled all over the country to watch the Wings play. To San Jose, Chicago. Almost made it to Montreal. I attended Kings games, watched big games not involving the Wings. I attended WHL playoffs with other fans who lived half across the country (Go Ontario Reign!). I accepted an offer to write for the Examiner about the LA Kings. I organized and spearheaded a charity project involving young hockey writers and the NHL’s Hockey Fights Cancer program, for which I spent hundreds of hours organizing, meeting, and editing a book that now sits, nearly finished, never receiving final approval from the NHL for publication.

My life was completely immersed in all things hockey for nearly 10 months.

By the winter of 2009, this obsession was exhausting me. I was burning out. I no longer wanted to carry the radio show, no longer wanted to lose my Sundays and part of my Saturdays preparing for the show, watching 4-5 games on a Saturday or Thursday. I was disappointed that the NHL had bailed out of the book project. But I didn’t take a break, or give up even when I wanted to. Each week or day even would draw me back with a little spark, some interesting news, or a friend’s perspective. I was tired of Hockey, but too foolish to step back.

In February 2009, personal tragedy hit my family. I quickly turned my attention away from the Wings and my little hockey world.

Just at that time, something unexpected and amazing happened in my personal life. Something that by all counts is bigger and more incredible than any fantasy anyone here in Hollywood could ever dream up. Bigger than the Cup, Bigger than Hockey. (Ironic only because it was Hockey that brought this amazing thing back into my life....) And so I gladly drifted away from writing, the radio show and the hockey world. Sort of.

As the 2009 Playoffs approached, my Wings were chugging along, the Red machine, doing everything perfectly. My Brother and I once more geared up, focused and ready for an epic playoff run. Expecting and sure of eventual success.

Expectations Only Mean You Think You Know

What’s Coming Next, And You Don’t.

Throughout the entire 2008-2009 season I had unwavering belief and certain knowledge that my Red Wings would make it back to the Cup and would get it again. I never had a doubt. In fact, given my new found intimate knowledge of the rest of the league, I felt beyond confident.

My certainty wavered at only two points. First, after the Sharks failed to snuff the Ducks in Round 1, and we headed into Game 7 against Anaheim. As much as I loathe the Anaheim team and their hideous untalented thug style of play, I knew this would be the true test. In my opinion, it was the real 2009 Stanley Cup final series. After Game 3 I had no idea who would ultimately prevail. It was the second most painful playoff series I ever lived through.

This year of Hockey had brought me back to that level of emotional investment I felt in the mid 1990s. I was surprised to realize I had truly forgotten the pain we felt in 1995, 1996 when arch nemeses crushed our Stanley Cup dreams. That Ducks series brought it all back.

Driving home from Anaheim after Game 6 seeing Hossa robbed, I was proud of my team, but worried about them and the beating they were taking, exhausted and scared. So much emotional investment in this year had culminated in the Confy Finals. So much time and energy. But I was in, committing to the cause as any good fan is.

And my Wings didn’t let me down.

We moved on, and eventually snuffed the one team I knew it would cost to beat.

I realized I wasn’t writing much anymore and I cancelled radio show after radio show when my usual co-hosts began to drop out of the broadcast- not surprisingly in conjunction with their teams falling in the Playoffs.

I tried to write, but found myself observing the same things about my Red Wings I had the year before, and using the same adjectives, descriptors and observations. Mere paragraphs in, I trashed blog after blog, feeling like I ought to just post a one liner: “See my analysis of Game 3 – Dallas Series, 2008.” I felt tapped.

If I was tapped, I marveled at how the Wings were able to maintain the physical and emotional strength that it takes survive 3 of 4 consecutive seasons that last from September to June. It made me love my team that much more.

On to the Stanley Cup Finals. Pens again. Most of my hockey loving friends had quietly dropped off my facebook grid. No one even bothered to check in with me. Some had switched their allegiance to the Pens. The same people who had bashed Sid the Kid all year I found were quietly supporting his Cup run. To me it looked less like support for the Pens and more like dislike for the Wings. I took it personally. I wanted to feel hurt, but initially, had little energy to devote to the matter. Instead, I stopped looking for interaction with non-Wings fans and stuck with my own kind.

Re-committed all my energy into supporting my team. (Insert “ die-hard athletic supporter” joke here.)

Plus, after beating the Ducks, I was even more confident in my team’s talent and strength. I even believed that beating the Ducks was the sacrifice the Hockey Gods need to bestow upon you the Cup.

I believed there was no team the Wings could not take down. To this day I still believe as a fan, and analyze as an amateur sports writer that the 2009 Pens were less formidable a team than the 2009 Ducks.

But you can’t make it through Anaheim unscathed. You can’t survive it without being beaten senseless, emotionally and physically drained. There is no modern team more brutal, evil and dirty than the 2007-2009 Anaheim Ducks.

Now with Pronger on the Flyers, I expect Sid and his sheep to suffer what Pasha, Homer, Hank and Nico, along with the entire San Jose Sharks team have suffered. Let’s see a second run materialize with the Mighty Bruins still hungry and the Flyers beefing up to take back the “Thuggiest Team in The League” Title, (but with more young talent than the Ducks have had in a long time). Trust me, if the Flyers could just land a playoff goaltender, they would see a cup. Can you imagine a guy like Nic Backstrom or Henrik Lundquist on the Flyers? 22, there is your dream team. Thank goodness they have no talent to ever pick a decent goalie in Philly. But I digress. Where were we? AH yes, on to the Stanley Cup Finals 2009.

Soul Searching and Sour Grapes

And so it went. My Wings had flashes of brilliance in the 2009 Stanley Cup Finals, but they were held together by stick tape and mouthguards. They often played on nothing but adrenaline and sheer will. Their minds and hearts pressed valiantly forward, but the Ducks run had cost us.

By the end of Game 5 of the SCF, I was tired. I didn’t know how the Players were able to push on. I honestly didn’t know. But they did.

And still my Wings didn’t let me down. Sure, sure. I sat on the floor sobbing my eyes out as Game 7 wound down to its inevitable heartbreaking conclusion.

I cried for the loss. I cried for their disappointment, wanting this team that had given me so much this year to win the prize I felt they had earned.

I cried because of the year of Hockey, of a life immersed ended feeling my team had been robbed. I cried in disappointment, because I never once during that Finals series doubted these Wings would pull it out. I cried because my heart ached for the effort these amazing Red Wings gave and for the heartbreak they surely must have felt.

I never once stopped being proud of this team, or loving them. But I was exhausted. I could not take one more moment of Hockey. We turned the television off as the buzzer sounded, I could not even bear the idea of watching Sid hoist the Cup at the Joe. It still makes me sick to my stomach. I was done.

And then I felt guilty relief. It was over.

I didn’t watch, read, write about or listen to a thing involving Hockey for months. I stopped talking to most hockey friends. I quit the radio show.

I had seen it coming before the Finals series, but I did not know if losing the Cup had been the final straw. I did not want to be a sore loser, so I forced myself to attempt to write, promised one more radio show. Sent notes of congratulations to hockey friends who were Pittsburgh fans. Wrote one last heartfelt blog, but otherwise my heart wasn’t in any of it. Never did the final radio show.

I felt guilty. I felt like a fair-weather fan. (Of the GAME, not my Wings- JUST TO BE ABSOLUTELY CLEAR).

I let myself feel the hurt and took offense that “friends” completely abandoned me at the beginning of the Wings Finals run, and felt affronted that they had no words of support after my team lost (especially hurtful since I had supported them and their team’s runs and sent notes of condolence when they were feeling this same disappointment). I was resentful that I had given so much of my time, life, year to support and be there for people who ultimately not only abandoned me, but revealed their true feelings about my team.

I felt like the poster child for sour grapes and I was embarrassed. I did not expect my character would ever allow such meltdown. I felt guilty, but I could not over come it. I kept hoping it wasn’t so much sour grapes, as burn out.

But honestly, I didn’t know.

And so in that first week of June 2009 I left Hockey.

When UFA Day came along and I could not bring myself to check TSN, I wondered if I was done with Hockey. (Again, Not done with my Wings, just to be clear.)

June and July passed, without feeling the spark or need to tune in.

Then came August 16th. The HHOF. On a lovely weekend trip to Toronto, I dragged my wonderful, patient, incredibly understanding (non-hockey fan) boyfriend to the HHOF.

Yet even as I walked through the HHOF, something was wrong. I felt excitement, but nothing deep in my heart. Nothing like the feeling of standing there on the edge of Wrigley Field watching the Wings warm up. Nothing like that overwhelming sense of gratefulness and awe sitting in the nosebleeds at the Honda Center during Game 6 of the Conference Finals. Nothing like road tripping across the state to watch a game with some of the greatest hockey fans I have ever met.

Hockey felt like a responsibility, an obligation. Nothing at the HHOF stirred in my heart, even when I knew it should. Bobby Orr’s bronzed skates? Nothing. A Belfour mask? Meh.

The only emotions I felt were incredible love and gratitude toward my boyfriend who was wonderful enough to waste his time with me, enthusiastically I might add, wandering through a place I should have been joyfully exploring.

I stood looking at the California Seals sweater when he uttered, “Oh geez. Let me get a picture before you start to cry.”

I turned to look at him, curious as to why I would cry and saw that he had located the Igor Larionov induction display. It would only stand for another 2 months before the 2009 Inductees replaced him. It was something that I was incredibly lucky to be able to see.

Anyone who knows me or had read my stuff knows that the mere unexpected sight of Igor Larionov on ice accepting an award at the Staples Center is enough to reduce me to a sniveling crybaby.

But the tears never came. I still can’t tell you what I felt. Well that is not true. I felt ashamed that the emotions were absent. Tom snapped pictures and I felt rotten.

If a trip to the HHOF with an understanding boyfriend who doesn’t even follow Hockey and seeing Igor’s original CCCP sweater couldn’t pull me back in, what would?

I wasn’t sure. August ended with a recommendation from Cassie to apply for the SB Nation LA Kings writer position that was open. I never pursued it. I didn’t have the energy to commit.

I didn’t know what would happen this year. I knew I wasn’t going to do the radio show again, I hadn’t written about hockey in months. I had heard they revamped the NHL Connect sight and didn’t care. I wasn’t following the trades. Hudler’s defection to Russia barely upset me.

Birthday Hockey

I perused the Wings Schedule, looking to pick up Wings-Kings October tickets for my Brother and I- his annual birthday gift, and when I realized the Wings have no “Cali Hat Trip” until January, I felt something.

Akshully, I was totally distraught.

For 4 years my brother and I had an October Birthday Date. Dress in Red Wing gear, and head to the Staples Center for his birthday. And they had taken that away from us. I was so upset. No Wings in October? I was almost reduced to tears.

But it triggered something in me. As I planned a trip to Detroit for Thanksgiving, I saw that the Wings would be home and playing Calgary. A game at the Joe. I hadn’t been in the Joe since 2002, 2003 maybe? HEDHS, I could not recall. I called in a long standing favor and got two tickets. Not quite Section 109, Row 18, but who am I to complain? Seats in Section 110 will do just fine.

Slowly, the excitement is growing again. Anticipation for a new season. I found myself watching FSN when they ran a Classic about a week ago: Game 4 of the 2000-2001 Wings-Kings Series.

Excitement over the prospect of this year’s Wings. Realizing that we have some unknowns, and questions, and excited for it. Anticipation over what a year without such immense pressure will do for us. Hoping to see the boys play with joy in their eyes, and hoping they take a little the pressure off themselves. Knowing that we can make it back to the Cup again.

Growing excitement in building a championship fantasy team, even taking on a commish role this year, and inviting some of the smartest hockey fans I have known to be in the league. (Cripe this league is gonna be so tough. I have no chance of winning it, but I am stoked to be battling it out with each and every one of you!)

A Sunday morning watching Dallas beat my Wings on NHL Network in Game 5 of the 2008 Confy finals (especially poignant since I have a million other things to do). Watching Pasha manhandle an entire Stars team, catching his own rebounds 3,4,5 times…Sigh.

Beginning to wonder how Scott Hartnell and Jeff Carter will do with Chris Pronger on the team. Wondering if the Sleeping Bear of Boston is gonna come out and correct their mistakes and make a real Stanley Cup Run. Wondering if the Sharks haven’t traded away two core –key players, and are prematurely dismantling their very talented team.

A need to write about my hockey experience again.

Slowly, it’s all coming back. Not just my love for the Wings, but for the game. Creeping in ever so cautiously again.

I woke this morning with an answer to the question that had burdened me all summer. The worst questions a sports fan will ever have to ask of themselves:

Had I merely burnt myself out last year, or have I proven to be a shallow “fan”, a homer stuffed with a mouthful of sour grapes? Was my character so lacking?

I turned on the television, choosing The NHL Network’s “Ten Best Rookies of the 1990s” over E! Entertainment’s “True Hollywood Story: Christina Aguilera” and A&E’s “Sell this House”, and as I sat down to write this, I knew the answer.

The Detroit Red Wings Deserve a 2009 Celebration Parade in the City of Detroit

2009-06-13T08:18:00.000-07:00

My lavender ottoman made of shantung silk is stained with tears. Big tear drop splooches, long dried, will be a permanent reminder of the heartbreak suffered this Friday June 12, 2009. Wadded up Kleenex are still strewn about its base because I was too upset to worry about cleaning up after myself last night. A warm beer, barely touched, sits on a coffee table though my brother and the last of the house guests are long gone.

I felt numb and empty and horrified. At my team and at myself. I can’t talk about how horribly the Wings played or how mad I am that Hossa never scored, or how upset I am that Chris Osgood was denied the Conn Smythe. I can't explain what I saw or why it felt like the Detroit Red Wings failed to show up last night. (I refuse to believe they didn't give their all, hence "felt like"- clearly I don't know what really happened...)

I have never seen a Red Wings team implode like this. And certainly not THIS one. I still can’t even imagine it even though I watched it happen. It was a bad dream. All I could do last night was wonder how badly the Wings themselves must be feeling.

Another thing I can’t fathom.

Permanent tear stains on a silk ottoman.

And yet when I woke this morning, I hadn’t died. I didn’t feel like staying in bed and mourning. I didn't even feel that bad. It felt like a normal day, despite waking to a thick grey marine layer.

June Gloom here in Coastal Southern California. Depressingly appropriate, but not a red door painted black.

I woke to realize that my tears from last night weren’t as much about my disappointment, as for my Wings. For the boys in red and white who have given Red Wings fans one helluva year.

Saddened that they have to wake up today and live with that loss. After the incredible fight through the Thucks and injury and against a league that often failed to provide them a fair fight.

So strong was my belief that these Wings would prevail over any obstacle thrown at them, a skate stomping pen-duck trying to injure Chris Osgood, or the end of a stick jammed up under the Mule's helmet at his temple, rumors that Nic Lids was not 100%, waived suspensions for undeserving MVPs- none of it dissuaded me from the fact that all throughout these playoffs, I was sure the Wings could overcome. And when they didn't, it hit me like a Lidstrom slapper to the gut. I couldn't imagine how horrible it must feel for our boys in red.

And that is what actually makes me tear up again. Because they don’t deserve it. They deserve to be celebrated.

Celebrated for what these Red Wings have given us this year,

The Wings deserve a parade right down Woodward to Hart Plaza with a million fans thanking them and cheering their year.

This year, 2009.

They deserve thanks and praise for this amazing year. And you fans in Detroit deserve to celebrate this amazing year too. And I am 100% certain the Wings want to thank you for your support.

Time to celebrate a year of being the Stanley Cup Champions, The year of our Winter Classic. Of beating the Sharks 6-0 at home, and always handing Chicago their young, punk asses. A year of showing us time and time again grace, class, dignity and incredible talent, heart and drive.

A year of glorious passes and wonderful saves, Datsyukian dekes and Nic Lids slapshots from the point. A year of cheers and even some joyous tears.

So on this day after a crushing Stanley Cup loss, I thank you my Detroit Red Wings.

For all the games and wins I personally attended during your California tour of duty.

For the puck Andreas Lilja tossed to me.

For the Winter Classic and Brian Rafalski’s cap.

For Pasha’s utter brilliance with the puck and Ozzie’s amazing Conn Smythe earning playoff run.

For Hank’s heart and Danny’s drive.

For Jiri Hudler’s great grin and wicked one timer.

For ice cream eaten out of the Cup by our kids.

For parties at Cheli's with the Cup.

For Darren Helm’s break out post- season.

For a year of helping me understand Mikael Samuelsson’s quirky but undeniable talent.

For Homer’s butt.

For the heart and leadership we got to see Kris Draper and Kirk Maltby exhibit in these playoffs.

For growing your AHL players into Stanley Cup contenders like Helm, Abs, John-E and Ville.

For showing Chicago just who sucks.

For keeping D-mac and Cheli in the fold.

For Nic Lids, who fights through it all without a word, or complaint, just like his predecessor.

For Black Cowboy Hats on Coaches at Wrigley.

For Bab’s sense of humor and the looks he gives reporters.

For bringing the Cup to us throughout 2008.

For 18 years of being the most dominant team in the sport.

For Ken Holland’s brilliance with the Cap.

For beating the Ducks over and over again with your gorgeous speedy, skilled puck possession globetrotter-esque style of play. . .

For a management that values family and wisdom and experience and loyalty, setting the standard to which all teams in this league must ascribe to in order to be successful.

For caring about all your fans, the City of Detroit, her suburbs and their citizens, and battling to the end when you had nothing left in the tank, just for all of us.

For taking your fans all the way through the post season to the very end in such a thrilling, beautiful way, playing with class and courage, through injury and insult and thuggery and with more heart than we had a right to ask for.

Thank You my Detroit Red Wings. You may not get a parade this year, but you still deserve one.

Once more you have given us the journey, the ride and you made me proud.

Proud to be a Detroit Red Wing Fan.

And this ride, journey has been amazing, just like all of you.

Thank you. Now please enjoy your summer, we have a Cup to get back next year....

Chris Osgood: One Of The NHL’s All Time Best Goalies, Ever.

2009-06-02T12:53:00.000-07:00

As surely as the Detroit Red Wings will make it to the Stanley Cup Playoffs each year, Chris Osgood will be abused in the media as a controversial figure. It is amazing to me that time and time again the hockey world remains divided on all matters Oz.

I can’t tell you the number of times in these playoffs I have yelled “Pierre McNugget: suck it!!” every time Ozzie makes an amazing save on Geno or Sid or Getslaffedat or ANYONE! I just get so sick of experts and the media (like Pierre who ought to know better) perpetuating the myth that Ozzie is a weak link.

First, find me a weak link on this Red Wings team, I dare ya. Second, it ain’t Ozzie. Ozzie has done nothing but play Conn Smythe worthy hockey throughout last two Playoff seasons (I argued he was as deserving of the Conny as Hank last year). So this is my 2009 Pitch: Chris Osgood for Conn Smythe.

It’s my natural inclination to start with statistics, so let's just take a peak. Chris Osgood sits comfortably within the top ten of the following All Time NHL Goalie statistics:

Wins

Playoff Wins

Playoff Shutouts

Top Ten ALL TIME. Chris Osgood.

Suck it McNugget! And while we are at it, ahem. Mr. Crawshaw, aka LW3H, (statistician extraordinaire and sensational blogger from across the pond, author of the “Springing Malik” hockey Blog here at http://springingmalik.blogspot.com/),

Mr LW3H,

THIS is a gauntlet, it has been thrown….

THE CASE FOR CHRIS OSGOOD

Statement of Full Disclosure: I am personally biased toward Ozzie, I have not only followed his NHL career from the beginning, but I strongly feel he is unjustly maligned and should be revered as a world class, NHL goalie. I firmly believe he is a future Hall of Famer. Most importantly, Chris Osgood is a first class A-1 Steak Saucy human being, a kind person who embodies all of the personality traits and human characteristics we all want our star athletes to possess. He is a great guy, humble, hard working, funny. All around, Ozzie is the sort of athlete and person you hope your kids will grow up to be. Plus, he loves the City of Detroit, her suburbs and Detroit Red Wing fans as much as we love the Wings. Did you know that Ozzie never sold his home in Metro Detroit the entire time he was getting tossed around the league? He knew he was coming back, he worked his azz off to get back. It was all he wanted.

But let’s start with the muck shall we, and end with the feel good???

UNSUBSTANTIATED CRITICISMS

The Press and hockey fans throw a couple of repetitious, but unsubstantiated, criticisms at Ozzie. Let’s break them down and beat them up.

Unsubstantiated Criticism 1: That Ozzie faces less pressure in goal because he takes less SOGs

I have a goalie in my family who argues this is a baseless criticism tossed about by people who have never played the game. Its much more mentally difficult for a goalie to stay focused in a game, to sporadically come up big when needed the way, Ozzie does, than to be constantly peppered with shots and have the play consolidated at one’s own end. Less shots means you still must have the reflexes a cat and the timing of a swiss watch, but it also means you also must have the discipline and control of an android. Great stats like Ozzies on less SOGs are, if anything, an indicator of extreme discipline and incredible talent.

PLUS- less shots often translates to better shots, more desperate shots. Goaltending has to be much more impressive when a desperate team is bearing down on you. And the Wings are famous for giving up a lead in the third, coasting on a 2 goal cushion, only to sleep through an easy one and then find themselves forced to play the last minute 6 on 5. Much harder to fight desperate shots and garbage scrums in your crease, which is a lot of the action Ozzie see.

Unsubstantiated Criticism 2: That Ozzie is only as good as the Wings unstoppable defense.

I love this one. There are a couple of hall of fame goalies (and several other not so greats) who didn’t win big under cloak of this Red Wing Defense.

No disrespect to the Dominator, but he’s the most recent example. Look, its fallacy to suggest that a goalie is not an integral part of a team’s defense. And in the playoffs its lazy and slightly misinformed to suggest the goalie isn’t the most important player. Of the 43 Conn Smythe Awards given, 14 of them have gone to goalies. Only Centers have as many Conn Smythes. And if justice serves this year, the number of goalies will increase to 15, meaning goalies have earned the Conn Smythe more often than any other position in the history of the award.

Further, everyone knows that a team’s confidence in its goalie affects play and each players own confidence level. This Wings team makes it clear that they feel extremely confident with Ozzie in goal and that that makes it easier for them to play their game. They also are inordinately quick to point out how talented and amazing they think Ozzie is. And they would be the best people to know.

Further, any hockey fan worth her skates can see Ozzie’s confidence and strength on the ice. He doesn’t “try to help” like other goalies - you know the ones who try to play the puck behind the net, wind up getting themselves caught up, or chipping the puck somewhere not helpful to the team. Oh to be sure, he has done that a lot in the past, but this year? Ozzie has been executing some very helpful and interesting, timely plays and passes, not just behind the net, but out of the crease, at the faceoff circles- the sort of things that make him valuable as a 6^th man, especially on a PP….Hell he’s one of three goalie in these playoffs to have an assist. He’s smarter than other goalies, staying calm no matter what, knowing when to stop the puck and when to let it stay in play, controlling the puck to control the tempo of the game. Time and time again in these playoffs I have watched him help the Wings just by his puck handling decision making process.

Unsubstantiated Criticism 3: Perception that Ozzie isn’t tough.

A Rumor Gets Halfway Around The World Before The Truth Has A Chance To Put Its Skates On. That is where this criticism comes from, its just more and more people perpetuating innuendo, rumor, and an ill-concieved dated perception from the mid 1990s.

Detractors still make reference to that 1992 loss to the Shark’s where a very young man shed tears, or that ill conceived column after the 1998 Stanley Cup.

My response is threefold:

1. That columnist was dead fricking wrong in 1998, and if I could find the article I’d tear it apart point by point, end of story.

2. The Sharks loss was a bazillion years and 4 Cups ago. Please if you have to criticize and you can’t be logical or supportable, please be relevant.

3. I’ll take a kid who is so broken over his own performance, who blames himself so fully, that he is reduces to tears over the kid who points fingers at everyone else and who whines.

Not tough? Are you kidding me? Here is a guy who played through the most evolutionary changes the league has ever seen and suffered some of the harshest criticism, including from his own. GM, Kenny H. once famously said Ozzie was “an NHL Goalie with High school technical skills”. How did Ozzie respond? He completely reformatted his game and at age 32 took on a new style of play, morphing and coming back bigger faster stronger tougher and winning more Stanley Cups.

Unsubstantiated Criticism 4: Ozzie has let some weak, game/series ending goals in during his career.

See UC 3 above, and think about this: the guy has been playing in the league for almost 16 years (since 1992) and all people ever cite are three soft goals in the late 1990’s- again, timely relevance? That McInnis slap shot from center ice. Nick Lidstrom has done it time and time again these playoffs and you don’t see anyone calling Mason Hiller or Khabibulan the worst goalie to play in the Stanley Cup Playoffs. And by the way: the resiliency with which Osgood comes back from adversity and such weak goals is flawless. Think of how he handled AFTER the McInnis goal against St. Louis. He stood on his head. He doesn’t crack and become a sieve like Patrick Roy has been known to do.

Unsubstantiated Criticism 5: Ozzie was lackluster in the 2009 regular season.

Well, interestingly I was prepared to say that I actually cannot argue the numbers on this one, but as it turns out, His numbers aren’t the worst. Whose to say it’s a terrible regular season when your ranked 17^th in the league for wins and you only played about half of the season? I’m not saying Ozzie played like Steve Mason out there this year in the regular season, but he does not deserve all the criticism he has received when he was being better than average. No one ever accounts for the fact that the Wings faced opponents, who on a nightly basis, all wanted a piece of the Stanley Cup Champs.

Lets face it, the Detroit Red Wings have been the team to beat this year, and every single team that hits the Joe, comes to try and take the Stanley Cup Champs out. Essentially the Wings spent a great deal of the regular season having to elevate their game to playoff levels.

Then again, those of us who appreciate goaltenders may realize that Ozzie knows what matters. Perhaps- just perhaps- its not always such a good idea to let your young defense rely heavily on you as a goaltender. Perhaps it’s a good idea to make sure they can hold up their end of the game.

And then again, there are some of us who believe as long as you can elevate your game in the playoffs, an average regular season is fine, and can be strategic.

THE INDISPUTABLE TRUTH: HEART, CHARACTER AND NUMBERS PROVE CHRIS OSGOOD IS OSGREAT

The Heart and Character

I have talked about Ozzie and his heart and character above, I only add this: if you listen to Chris Osgood speak, whenever he is asked the “tough” (I say “mindless”) questions, he responds simply (and paraphrased), “I don’t care what there rest of the world thinks, I don’t pay attention. I care about Detroit. People there treat me well and love me and know what I can do. Detroit is my home and that is who I play for.”

In both the 2009 playoffs (especially the Thucks series) and the entirety of the 2008 playoffs Ozzie proved that he is probably the Number 1, clutch goalie of all time. He certainly is one of the all time greats at rising to the playoff occasion (see stats below). Time and time again, we hear the media ask “how does Ozzie flip the switch???” Ozzie simply responds: “I’ve been in the league 15 seasons. I play for Detroit, where we will always be in the Playoffs. I know how to do this.”

But as actions speak louder than words, sometime hard numbers hit home hardest….

The Numbers

(Cuz You Knew I Would.)

3 Time Stanley Cup Winning Goalie, on his way to leading his team to his 4^th, and tying the legendary Terry Sawchuck.

2 Time Jennings Winner.

10^th Winningest Goalie of All Time, 389 wins (ahead of Hasek, Richter, Hextall) with a 2.47 GAA. Of the top ten all time goalies, only Martin Brodeur and Jacque Plante have a better Goals Against.

Ozzie’s All Time Goals Against Average is better than Patrick Wah (2.53), Cujo (2.50) and Belfour (2.79).

23^rd in All Time Shutouts with 49. (3rd amongst active goaltenders).

8^th Winningest Goalie in the Stanley Cup Playoffs with 73 playoff wins in his career, so far.

4^th All Time Playoff Shutouts- Ozzie got his 14th career playoff shutout moving him into a tie with Belfour, Hasek and Plante.

One of only 9 goaltenders to ever score a goal, Ozzie ranks 3^rd among active goaltenders with 18 career points (1goal, 17 assists) behind Brodeur and Cujo.

Osgood beat Terry Sawchuck’s record last year for playoff wins: In 2008 he surpassed the Legendary Hall of Famer Terry Sawchuk to move into top spot among Detroit net-minders in both playoff wins and shutouts. This year Osgood is 14-4 with 73 wins and 14 shutouts in his playoff career.

2^nd in 2009 Playoffs for GAA with a 1.94, stalking Tim Thomas’ 1.85. and maintaining a stellar Save Percentage of .930 (currently ranked 3^rdbehind Hiller and Thomas). He’s had one shut out and credited with one assist.

2009 Regular Season stats: Ozzie cannot be beat in overtime, he is ranked No. 1. Ranked 17th in wins with a decent 26–9–8 record, Save Percentage of .887 and GAA 3.09 which are only slightly lower than last year.

In the 01-02 and 03-04 Seasons he played 65+ games each season and had a GAA under 2.50 both seasons.

1995-96 Season: 1995–1996 season, and he led the NHL with a 2.17 GAA and 39 wins. He also finished third in shutouts (5) and was a Vezina Trophy runner-up to Jim Carey who later retired to Florida to run a pet detective agency.

DON’T YOU DARE LAUGH AT THAT, it was a pathetic attempt, I should be forced to listen to “Mocking Bird” over and over again while Snow and Ice from a freshly zamboni’ed rink is dripped on my forehead…”Hockey Boarded” if you will.

The Intangibles

Oh yea there is more, are you really surprised?

He pummeled Patrick Roy in 1997-1998.

According to his presser and several recent interviews, Ozzie would like to become a bullpen catcher for Detroit Tigers when his hockey career is over.

He has the world most thankless job –a Red Wing Goalie. Hockeytown is supremely tough on goalies- we don’t allow any cracks and we persecute the tiniest oldest mistakes. We ran Cujo out…. Just look at the greats who have not lasted here. Ozzie has spent almost the entirety of his NHL career as a Wing and most of that as a back up goalie. Yet he is flawless when asked to step up makes the big plays the big wins, and to carry the team. He has lasted through almost 3 generations of Red Wings Teams: The Red Army Team, The Lidstrom Era, and now the Eurotwins Era.

Even after 16 years in the league (15 seasons) Ozzie continues to grow his game, his skill set and his talent, evolving as the game evolves. And this game has evolved like mad since 1992 when he first step blade onto NHL Ice. He has come back from adversity stronger and better than before and you never hear any complaints. Instead you hear him say “I love Detroit and the people here, its my home.”

Ozzie embodies humility, hard work and all the attractive personality traits you should want in your star athletes. He knows and live his life, plays his game by these rules: SHUT UP AND WORK. Work harder than you think you can, harder than you think you should and harder than you are being given credit or payment for.

So finally, after all my logic and my theory I ask:

What more do you need to prove Chris Osgood deserves the respect of his contemporaries like Brodeur and Roy and Hasek?

Its time to let go of the Ozzie bashing and recognize Chris Osgood for the future HOFF’er that he is, as important to the Wings successes as Stevie Y, Nic Lids, Hank Z. Perhaps most importantly he is an extraordinarily talented NHL goalie who deserves credit where credit is due.

Ozzie for Conn Smythe, Nobody Beats the Wiz.

Don't Stop believin'- no matter how biased it gets!

2009-06-01T16:24:00.000-07:00

Ok before I go into my “I hate the league they are all unfair, let’s boycott those bass tards” rant I must first direct your attention to a very exciting development..

Take a look at the ROSTER today, GUESS who is making his first SCF appearance in Game 3?

D-Mac.

HEDHS, Helm yes people, Darren McCarty is on the roster and I am so dam stoked……Even the crap going down at league headquarters can't ruin this day now..

That is 5, (count ‘em) 5. F.I.V.E. Grand Rapids Griffins cracking the line up for the Wings in these Stanley Cup Playoffs. And nailing it I might add, if I felt the need to state the obvious.

Nailing it…. (ok sue me, I am just as happy as a little girl in springtime these days, and that could all change after Game 3, let me have my moment to be happy and so damn proud.)

In the superfantastic bubble plastic words of my dear friend Jessa- “Damn its good to be a Red Wing fan.”

Now where was I? Oh yes.

“I never should have gone to nhl.com.”

ARGGHHH.

Its all my own fault. I got suckered in because just prior to Game 1, I watched Gary Bettman tell Brian Duff, (Duff, Duffy? I get these announcers and cartoon beers confused....) in interview, on national television that the Detroit Red Wings were a Dynasty.

And I forgave him. I am such a fool. An enabler, really. I disgust myself.

So I decide I will not boycott. But what is the first thing I see there at NHL.com? That Colin Campbell, NHL VP and Director of Dick-tatorial Decisionmaking, has rescinded Malkin’s one game suspension. Just flat out refused to enforce the rule after “review”.

For those of you not aware, Geno “I don’t want to work, I want to bang on the drums with Semin all day” Malkin received an instigator penalty in the waning seconds of Game 2 for trying to – um- get musical with Henrik Zetterberg, who quickly responded with a “Listen sucker, take your skin flute and get out of here.”

Or at least that is what I think he said, hard to tell with all those uppercuts Z was mauling “maulkin” with…

So Malkin take the instigator penalty, which means he should be suspended one game.

Rule 47.22 states: "A player who is deemed to be the instigator of an altercation in the final five minutes or at any time in overtime shall be suspended for one game, pending a review of the incident. The director of hockey operations will review every such incident and may rescind the suspension based on a number of criteria. The criteria for the review shall include, but not be limited to, the score, previous incidents, etc..."

Campbell allegedly, purported and preposterously stated that he“reviewed” the incident and decided Malkin did no wrong. He did not explain his decision he didn’t even indicate that he might have tried to objectively look at the situation…. He just rescinded the one game suspension.

What????

Did he cut Geno a break because everyone knows Malkin coughed up a good $20,000 for bongo lessons from Alex Semin earlier this year? Because as far as I could tell frm that fight, those lessons took- Malkin fights the way Alex Semin play bongos.

Anyone out there think the League really “reviewed” this?

Know why it bugs me so? Four words: All Star Game Suspensions. The league will make up special rules, and enforce unspoken rules to suspend Nic Lids and Pavel Datsyuk- but waive existing rules to protect their patheticpittsburgean penguin progeny.

Oh come on I don’t want to hear it from you people who argue they can’t force Geno out of the game because without Malkin we all know there is no way the Pens could stay in the series. If you argue this then you are arguing that its is ok for the league to “even out the scales”, and then that means you are ok with Gary Bettman playing G.O.D. Wait til its your team on the wrong side of GB-GOD's decisions...just wait.

Bottom line is that if it were Zetterberg taking the Instigator penalty in Game 2, there is no question that Z would be sitting Game 3 out.

How embarrassing it must be for “Sid and Play” to know they don’t have a chance in this series without a little help from friends in low places.

And by “low”, I definitely meant a double entendre. GB being as slimy as Rick Tocchet and as tall as the Travelocity gnome.

Sorry Jessa, I hate that fact that I may have invoked your recurring nightmare again, let’s send you some happy visuals and thoughts…

Dig if you will, a picture of Lids and Z passing off the Cup, Of Ozzie getting the Conn Smythe, Can you my Wings Fans, can you picture this?

Oh I could go on and on and on with that, but I have a better one. To wit, (though technically it needs to be sung after a third win):

Just a Red Wing team

Living in a icy world

Carrying the Cup around, going anywhere

Just a Swedish boy

Born to play in South Detroit

Carrying the Cup around, going anywhere

A Goalie in a snowy crease

The smell of beer and octopi(ece)

Ozzie saves, Geno loses a fight

It goes on and on and on and on

Russians, skating, up and down the neutral zone

With the Eurotwins, flying down the ice

Cleary, Hossa, living just to hit the net

Topshelf, easy to deke Fleury tonight

Working hard to get a goal

Everybody wants to hit the five hole

Paying anything to carry the Cup

Just one more time

Wings will win, Pens will lose

Sid was born to sing the blues

As the Series never ends

It goes on and on and on and on

Hudler, Helm, skating, up and down center ice

Abdelkader hitting the glove side, sooo nice.

D-Mac, Vladdie will really bring the emotion

Hoping Pavel is alright…

Don't stop believing

Hold on to that feeling

Red Wings, Bring the Cup Home Tonight!!!

And yes, because I am a huge loser, I promise to sing this on the season finale of Puck Bunny Radio, (in three weeks). Gratitude, props and send your complaints to Chris Schafer and Mike Krause for leading me down this path….

Blatant Bias Begs Boycott of NHL.com

2009-05-29T12:49:00.000-07:00

I hate conspiracy theories the way Scott Hartnell’s fro abhors a Flobee. Further, I believe that its’ useless to waste energy thinking people are out to get you. Unless they really really (really) are.

I prefer to approach my hockey like I try to approach my life: put your head down, work harder than you think you should have to, ignore the bullshixxha and good things will happen.

But what is a Detroit Red Wing fan to do when she starts her 2009 Stanley Cup Finals weekend by checking www.nhl.com only to find the following nhl.com headlines:

“Watch Gretzky, Messier on Sid, Malkin”

“Gretzky, Messier talk Dynasty”- linked to a headline story- “Generation Now: similarities between Pens and Oilers don’t stop at dynamic duos.”

“Glenn Anderson sees potential dynasty with young stars in Pittsburgh”

“Nightmare on Helm St.”

Anyone besides me see a disparity in the numerous positive, exciting headlines for Pittsburgh versus a single negative headline concerning Detroit? Anyone else besides me read these headlines and draw the conclusion that the NHL and some of its greatest players think Pittsburgh is a dynasty?

After looking at how the NHL chooses to promote its upcoming finals today, can anyone make a legitimate argument that today’s NHL.com headlines don’t unequivocally support the argument that the league has a Pittsburgh preference and bias?

As far as I can see, according to the National Hockey League, its all Pittsburgh, all the time.

And what’s worse? The NHL has chosen to mislead the public, and lie to you all in the biased promotion the Penguins, thinly veiled as “journalism”.

Time and time again my Wings fan friends have lamented about the seething hatred the League exhibits for the Detroit Red Wings and the awful bias. My general feeling is that the only thing that matters is the Cup, and who cares what anyone else says or does.

Unless it a waived goal when Homer’s butt was not in the crease. “But” don’t get me started on that…

Previously I would only agree and admit that the League has, on occasion, displayed curious animosity toward its current Stanley Cup Champions, and long time league leader. But after seeing the nhl.com headlines from today, there is simply no way to characterize the League’s focus and priority as anything but Anti-Wing.

Bettman’s Blatant Bias Begs Boycott

To wit: nhl.com, t-31 hours and counting- one day before the Stanley Cup Finals begin what are the headlines all about? A Pittsburgh Dynasty.

There is no hard hitting analysis, no discussion of both teams in the finals and how they have changed since last year or what the changes will mean for this match up. Just fluff about the Pens being a Dynasty, or rather a Dynasty in the making.

Really – rilly?

Is today’s big story in the NHL really that HOFF’ers and Cup winning former Oilers thinks Pittsburgh has Dynasty in the making? In all fairness I didn’t read the Anderson article, it could be as big a misrepresentation as the tripe NHL attributed to Gretzky and Messier (see below).

But let’s just suppose they haven’t put words into everyone mouth and say "Ok, ok, Glenn Anderson likes Pitt", cool. Why not write about it?

Of course being that you are a website purported to cover the whole the league, shouldn’t you have an equal number of representative opinions? Perhaps there is another Cup Winning HOFF’er out there who could balance out your coverage...

Wouldn’t it be inspiring and thought provoking to have two hall of famers (guys inducted at the same time, perhaps?) to go tete a tete on this one?

Nyet?

Vhhhaaat, vas Igor Larionov unavailable for seister article? You could not find him or come up with something like“Igor Larionov thinks the Wings have a “D” in the making”???

Some how I would bet no one even thought to ask.

The League doesn’t talk about the Detroit Red Wings accomplishments in its headlines at all. They don’t discuss the Detroit Red Wings 18 season playoff legacy. They don’t mention 4 cups in 11 years. Or the fact the Wings should be the favorite for a 5th (other than a glib reference to the “compooter” picking the Wings to win). They don’t write about how impossible it is to get to the Finals two years in a row, or the fact that no one besides the Wings has repeated since 1991(ironically, a topic where they could totally kiss Penguin tail).

Perhaps Mr. Bettman and his ass crack marketing team, (the same marketing geniuses who think Chaka Chan and Alan Thicke’s son are a musical draw for hockey fans in Vegas) are confused, perhaps the League’s refusal to seriously consider safer head gear and implement game rules to minimize the risk of career ending, life altering concussions has left the collective head addled.

That’s my guess and I am sticking with it.

Chaka Chan??? Really?

REALLY?????

If someone proves to me that Sidney Crosby is a Chaka Chan Fan, I will first puke, then send GB a Kirk Cameron T-Shirt.

Perhaps you think I am bringing a lot of Red Wing Bias to this argument. I guess you’ll tell me then, that its not at all biased to talk Pittsburgh Dynasty when the Pens almost didn’t make these 2009 playoffs and haven’t won a Cup in 17 seasons, while the team opposing the Pens in these Finals – The Detroit Red Wings- is the only team in the history of all professional sports to secure a playoff berth for 18 straight seasons; the only post ‘94 lockout team to win 4 championships, the only team since 1991 to win back to back championships and the only team since the ‘04 lockout who is in a position to win a second set of back to back championships.

So that is the standard for a Dynasty then? A team has to scratch and kick and claw its way into the Stanley Cup finals two years in a row (not necessarily winning a cup in either attempt) and in this day’s NHL, that makes a Dynasty?

Well shixxsha, someone pull Lou Lamoreillo off the 9th hole at Pebble and let him know his team need not ever strive to achieve anything again…

A Lie Gets Halfway Around The World Before The Truth
Has A Chance To Put Its Skates On.

Ok ok, let’s say you still aren’t buying my bias argument as anything other than Red Wing Fan Homerism…how do you retort to the fact that the nhl.com headlines are misleading to the point of being untruthful?

“Gretzky and Messier talk Dynasty” linked to a headline story “Generation Now: similarities between Pens and Oilers don’t stop at dynamic duos”

Anyone else think that if you click on this link you will get a story about two of the greatest to play the game, members of the last great Hockey Dynasty to exist, talking about the Penguins being the next dynasty?

I cannot tell a lie, Gretz and Mess sure did “talk” Dynasty. I saw it NHL on the Fly this morning and here is how it went down:

1. Brian Duff asked Gretz and Mess about the Detroit Red Wings, referring to a “Dynasty in the making”.

B. Messier then made a cloaked reference to the Detroit Red Wings being a “dynasty-like” team. He also said that the Detroit Red Wings were exciting because of the 10+ years the Detroit Red Wings organization has dominated the league.

III. Duff asked for a comparison the 1984 Oilers and in response Gretz complimented Datsyuk and Zetterburg.

Perhaps my problem is that I think calling a team a “Dynasty” implies something special, fantastical and magical in the NHL- and perhaps that is the wrong way to look at it. Perhaps rather than a Dynasty, an “Empire” is the way to characterize the Detroit Red Wing Organization. The Detroit Red Wing Empire. And following that logic, perhaps by making the Wings out as the Evil Empire, the League is sending a message that an Empire is more impressive than a Dynasty, and therefore evil or not, the Wings are the best.

Well if that is the case, then by all means Commissioner please extend my apologies to your asscrack writing staff and marketing team.

Ahem… (crickets)

The Evil Empire- Detroit Red Wings

Don’t agree with me that the Detroit Red Wings are being cast as the Evil Empire in these SCFs? Ok then, indulge me, and compare these headlines:

“Nightmare on Helm St.” (with sublink entitled: Helm a nightmare)

versus

“Road to the Final: saavy moves by Shero pave the way return to Cup finals.”

Anyone else see a disparity in the only two headline articles that are exclusively devoted to each Finals team?

Sure sure, like you I tend think Freddie Kruger is a cool, iconic character, and I am sure Helmer has no problem being considered a nightmare to any opposing team, but the only way it could be more obvious that the League is choosing to portray the Wings as “a nightmare” and the Pens as “The Golden Children” would be if Eddie Murphy were to show up at the Igloo sporting a Crosby sweater over leather pants and other moderately racist asian accessories, and do his “I got your Ice cream” bit.

I got your Ice Cream, Indeed. In fact I got your Scoreboard.

Its like Gretz said today on the NHL Network, The Wings are the Champs, and they are back, and according to Mess, absent a few injuries, they are as good as last year, if not better.

FOUR Positive exciting headlines about the Pens, THREE articles discussing the Pittsburgh Dynasty. ONE headline devoted to the Detroit Red Wings, in which they imply an up and coming player is a Nightmare. The League purposefully misleading in its characterization of its interviews of Hockey legends.

This is your NHL…but This isn’t acceptable to me, and therefore it isn’t mine.

If it is acceptable to you, have at it.

In the end I hope and expect that the Wings will likely be able to yell “scoreboard” anyway. Its true that winning is all that should matter. But sometimes a message is necessary. Tell Gary Bettman the bias and homerism will no longer be tolerated. I for one will not be visiting the NHL’s main website again during the course of these SCF, and if you are a Detroit Red Wing fan, I would encourage you to stay away too.