Ladies and gentlemen, start your Zambonis- we are headed into the Playoffs where everything you knew about Hockey 2 days ago has been laid out like a two dollar hooker in front of a Datsyukian Deke.
Ahem. I do get carried away, don’t I?
Well then. Because this hockey blogger will consistently tell you that she thinks goaltending makes and breaks a playoff run, as I see it there is only one position worth ranking.
Got a favorite goalie? So did the Steve Mason Fan Club last year. This is Playoff Season and the rules change. So take all those lovely regular season stats, and all the ESPN highlight reels (it’s a joke people everyone knows there are no ESPN Highlight reels of the NHL) and set them aside.
I think you will be surprised, I know you’ll have something to say. So here is my list:
16. Boucher (Flyers). GAAACK. When he’s good, he is very very good, but when he chokes, he falls to pieces. Look I love Boooooch too, I really really do. But his talent is inconsistent and I think we are past the point where we can think its going to mature. He’s in his own head and it’s a mess in there.
15. Elliot (Sens). I confess I know nothing about him. But he can’t be more inconsistent than Boooooch.
14. Halak (Habs). Solid all year and he’s hot right now, but that is about it. A good solid regular season netminder that is unproven and under the radar, for good reason.
13. Theodore (Caps). There is a reason the Avs let him go, and it ain’t because of the rumor that he shares a Valtrex prescription with Paris Hilton. He is not a clutch goalie. Sorry Caps- you aren’t going to see the shiny side of the Prince of Wales this year. It’s gonna be the Pens or Sabres in the east, unless someone else gets their shit together.
12. Tuuka Rask (Bruins). Tuuka is markedly better than TT has been this year, and I know he’s got the hot numbers, but he has a weak glove side and is unproven in the playoffs.
11. Niemi-Huet (Hawks). Either or, doesn’t matter. Neither can get the job done. Probably the Hawk’s weakest link, and I predict they will fall apart in the second round because of goaltending. If Renne gets hot – look for round 1 to go 7 games. If Round 1 goes 4 games, build a shrine to Scotty Bowman because he is a God.
10. Quick (Kings). Johnny has been solid for 2 years and defied all expectations. He could easily be ranked higher than Renne, Luongo and Anderson. This LA team is busting out of the gate, the LA Defense is solid and provides great support. The trust and the cooperation amongst these LA Kings will surprise many in this Playoff Season.
9. Anderson (Avs). Craig Anderson has kept his Avs in it all year. If he shakes out of his recent slump, he should be stellar.
8. Pekka Renne (Preds). Now. Renne can steal a game from anyone, maybe even a series. He’s often flawless. Lucky for Arnott Erat and Weber, who cannot carry this team past round one without perfect play by Renne.
7. ‘Berto “LOOOO” uongo (Nucks). See comments on Nabby. So far unable to lead his team beyond early rounds. Questions in the clutch. Not even giving him credit for the Olympics because he should be better than he is. Inconsistency mars his brilliance. That is all.
6. Bryz (‘Yotes). Yea I gotta say it. He’s been solid all year and I think he has it in him to shift into super human playoff goaltender. Good thing his D sucks.
5. Nabby (Sharks). Sorry Nabs. I love you and will never forget that 2008 Dallas-Sharks series, but until you get the job done, you are a second rounder.
4. “Jimmah” Dynomite Howard (Wings). Because when the time came to step the “eff” up and save the Wings season, he rose with the best of the best. Plus he beat the crap out of Crybaby. He is sofaking ready! He’s hot, seemingly tireless and un-phased and he has Ozzie mentoring the shit out of him and- of course- all that Detroit Mojo. The only reason he’s below Brody is that he’s unproven.
3. Brody (Devils). He gets his ranking based on lifetime achievement. That said, I don’t think he will see the dark side of the second round. I think we are witnessing the decline of a great. Then again he could totally prove me wrong. No one ever really knows with Mart-aaaan.
2. Hobie (Sabres). Because he is a god among men, he’s coming off a stellar Olympics and he’s got something to prove. We are seeing Miller at his best right now- Don’t fuck it up for him Sabres.
1. Marc Andre Fleury (Pens). Yea I hate it too, but he’s coming of two years of stellar performances and a Cup. He’s stronger and more mature this year. I’m even betting he won’t trip over the boards on his way to the net this year.
Best Goalie who isn’t in the playoffs? Jonas Hiller. And every team in the west should be thanking their lucky ducks for that.
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