F**k the Dirty Ducks. I’m callin it: Wings in 6, But At What Cost?

Wings v Ducks. The 2009 Western Conference Semifinals will feature a match up pitting the reigning Stanley Cup Champions, a team that has only gotten better since they last hoisted the Lord Stanley’s Chalice in June 2008, against a team that scraped to get into the Playoffs and then, in the first round unseated a home state rival which some favored to win it all.

The Detroit Red Wings versus the Dirty Anaheim Ducks.

The Mighty Mighties barely paddled their way into the playoffs this year and their season record against the Wings is 1 win in overtime, 3 resounding regulation losses. True, their poor regular season record does not reflect the team that just took out the San Jose Sharks last week, and even I think this Ducks team is better than anyone expected, but….

The Detroit Red Wings are the defending Stanley Cup Champs. They have resoundingly beat the Ducks 3 times this year and only lost once, in overtime. They are faster and more skilled than this Ducks team could ever be (even if Emilio Estevez were coaching and Julie The Cat Gaffney was in goal). Further, the Red Wings elimination of the Blue Jackets was more efficient and deadly than the Colony Collapse Disorder that is taking out honey bees across this hemisphere. Wings are rested, on it and ready to win.

For most, the predictions favor the Wings in 6 or 7 games. Vegas so heavily favors the Wings to take the series that the Puck Line Odds are Ducks +1.5/ +260, Wings-1.5/ -320 (in other words you wager $100 on the Ducks to win by 2 and you get $260, and you wager $320 on the Wings to win by 2 and you get $100).

Those are some “serial” odds. I’ve seen my Red Wing team shift into playoff hockey mode and I am as impressed with these Wings as I was last year. I do believe they are the best team in hockey and I do believe they can go all the way again this year.

So why is this Red Wings Fan wringing her hands in worry over this series?

Truthfully, I am not worried about the outcome of this series. Red Wings will not make the same mistakes that the Sharks made. Wings won’t stoop to the stupidly physical penalty inviting play that cost the Sharks their identity and their playoff run. Wings will draw penalties from stupid Duck mistakes and we will capitalize on them. Wings are far a more skilled, deeper, faster, better puck possession scoring machine than the Ducks could ever hope to be. AND we have Homer.

Ahh Homes! My adored Tomas Holmstrom was recently quoted about the upcoming series:

"It's the playoffs, it's supposed to be tough," "It's supposed to hurt."

How prophetic my fine bearded Swedish Sage, but at what cost? How much is too much?

Getting through this series alive does not worry me, but getting through this series uninjured does.

In the spirit of full disclosure, there is no love lost for the Mighty Mighty’s from this Hockey Fan. And yes I said Hockey fan, as opposed to Red Wings fan. I am first and foremost a Red Wings fan, through and through, but when it comes to the Anaheim Ducks, well I think this team is dirtier and more violent and malicious than any team in the NHL.

Further, I think that the only reason the Ducks make it through playoff rounds is because their team strategy and entire game plan revolves around illegal hits, stomping, hacking, cross-checking, slashing, jabbing, elbowing, knee on knee, interference and running the goaltender.

Illegal hits, stomping, hacking, cross-checking, slashing, jabbing, elbowing, knee on knee, interference and running the goaltender: That's one hell of a skill set. Indubitably. (Insert lame Daffy Duck imitation here)

Oh wait. Add the “Avery Rule” to this list of "skills and strategies". No, no they aren’t waving their sequined Prada handbags in Marty Brodeur’s face. Rather they have added a skill set: “getting into their opponents heads” to their thug repertoire. We saw it work flawlessly with San Jose in the first round. The Sharks came out playing as though they had to match the Ducks in physicality. The Ducks got into the Sharks heads, causing a team who should have been playing finesse and puck possession hockey to find themselves spending way too much time in scrums and killing penalties….

Illegal hits, stomping, hacking, cross-checking, slashing, jabbing, elbowing, knee on knee, interference and running the goaltender and the Avery Rule. The Worst Offenders? I am sure you can easily guess: Chris Pronger, Scott Niedermayer, Corey Perry, Boby Ryan, Francios Beauchemin and “Ol’ Porn ‘stache” himself: George Parros.

Pronger is never above intentional knee on knee action. And Parros, Perry along with the newest head of the Cerberus: Bobby Ryan- well. Whatever “skill” these players might be touted to possess is completely overshadowed by their intentional willful malicious thuggery.

And they hate puppies and kittens. Its true.

I know you want to accuse me of being a homer Wings fan who grossly exaggerates at this point, but come one my good readers, you all know me. I back my shiz up. Would I really light this bag of dog poo and set it on my neighbor's porch if I couldn't to stomp it out with my boots?

(insert “Don’t put it out with your boots Stanley” Billy Madison quote here)

Of course, I can back my wildly inflammatory claims up. Heck, I can even show you. Youtube is lousy with video clips showing these Ducks player setting out to intentionally harm opposing players. Take a “gander” if you will:

Chris Pronger and the “Stomp felt ‘round the League” should be enough to convince you all, but don’t let’s forget how Pronger and Niedermayer like to team up with their dirty hits. To Wit:

How about this one on Pavel Datsyuk by Pronger and Beauchemin?

And the elders train their progeny. Passing the dirty duck legacy to the next generation, here is Corey Perry on Johnathan CheeChoo this last month:

You can’t convince me that those clips (all of which took me about 11 seconds to find on Youtube with a “Ducks Dirty Hit” search) don’t show these players all acting with intent to harm. Every one of these hits, clips, stomps are clearly intentional. And there are scads more examples if you are so inclined.

And that is the problem with the Ducks. They intend to harm. This isn’t “Old Tyme Hockey”. This isn’t 1970 Bobby Clarke Broadstreet Bullies Hockey- this isn’t even Smashmouth Hockey. The Ducks make the Flyers look like alter boys who care for abandoned kittens and puppies.

Plain and simple, the Anaheim Ducks play “If I can’t beat you with skill, I will maim you” Hockey.

Visuals aren’t enough? How about the opinion of someone who spent some time on the ice with these Ducks.

“It just sickens me," said former NHL referee Bruce Hood, speaking to Ottawa Globe and Mail journalist Roy MacGregor about how the Ducks play the game. Bruce Hood was a revered and respected linesman for the NHL reffing over 121 Stanley Cup games. In 1999 he wrote a book about the state of fighting and the “code” in the NHL. Here is a guy who has seen it all.

So ask me again what am I afraid of in this series? It isn’t special teams or a hot goalie. It isn’t a speedy or skilled offense or depth of the bench. Its pure unadulterated and often unchecked malicious thuggery. It’s the threat of intentionally inflicted injuries to Pasha and other skilled players, another head blow to the Mule, Homer getting abused, Dan Cleary getting boarded. The Ducks did it to the Sharks, and left unchecked, they will do it to the Wings.

I will hate this series through the whole thing, sitting on my hands, praying the refs will for once keep the Ducks in line and call them on every cheap shot. HEDHS if Homer’s butt can be called in Marty Turco’s crease, then the same sort of anticipatory officiating should be used in this series, before someone gets seriously hurt.

F**K I hate the Ducks.