Osgood? HEDHS no- OS-GREAT!!! Chris Osgood racks up 400 wins in an OT stunner.

 Ed. Note: This is a duplicative post, but it bears repeating. The original can be found at www.hockeyrecon.blogspot.com. 



400!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 After three gut wrenching periods and OT, with 50 damn good shots on goal and a 30-(er PLUS) something Ozzie standing on his head like a 25 year old kid, future HHOF Chris Osgood of the Detroit Red Wings joins 10 of the best goaltenders in history to rack up his 400th win.

Not to mention a career high of 47-48(?) saves…

Congratulations Oz- Nobody Beats the Wiz. Nobody deserves this record more. Nobody deserves the accolades and congratulations that you will be receiving in the coming days.

Thank you Nic Lidstrom for that top shelf slapper which took our boys up 3-2 in regulation (and also jumping up in a couple record stats categories yourself). Thank you Nic for playing you heart out for Oz. You too Z. Holy shizz Z, that steal with 3 seconds???  ZZZZ!!! and MULE, you are a monster.  Berts- sniping like he’s 28 again. Don’t think we didn't notice. OH HOMER! coming back after the puck to the face? I am proud of you all. And I thank you for stepping it up despite a damn bench worth of injuries. Dats, Cleary, Modano, B-Raf (who am I missing?).

Do I feel bad for chastising all of you last week after tonight's show stopper? Hmm, uh, well, no. Sorry, we all know it would have been much sweeter for Oz to win at home. But I do forgive you.  And how about this- When called to arms, you the amazing Detroit Red Wings, never let us down. Thanks for not letting Oz down tonight.

AND FINALLY, THANK YOU KRONNER FOR THAT OVERTIME WINNER. Sure it was heart-wrenching to deal with overtime. I was only a little sick to my stomach, but I wasn't crying yet. Plus its indisputable that Oz looked to Great in Goal. Maybe his play elevated all of you tonight and you fed off each other's energy. Whatever it was, it was a gorgeous PP, picture perfect power play goal. Tic Tac toe baby. Assists by Nic and Z, all wonderful, a great effort. An Os-Great effort.

Nobody beats the Wiz. Nobody beats the Wiz.

Love ya Ozzie- Detroit Loves ya, Michigan Loves ya. We know you are one of the all-time best to ever guard a net.

Now go get Fuhr…And Stay Big. You are playing so well this month, we love it!

Friday Night Wings Recap not from concentrate, mostly insomnia.

[NB: Most of my hockey blogs will now appear at Hockey Recon, but not the rambling insomnia driven error ridden juju you're getting here...]

Who gets insomnia on a Friday night? At least I have the Wings-Oilers game on DVR, and what a fun game it was. Sleepless observations follow:

Jimmy Howard's save at the 9:35 mark (ish) -Holy shizzurp. Jimmy MF Howard. BTW Jimmy Howard has 22 regulation wins in a row. 1.82 GAA.. 93.3 Save %.  Helluva a start kid.

BTW, anyone still think the Bulin Wall has been felled? Watch this game-  Nicolai was phenomenal. The Bulin Wall not only took 30 SOGs, but a bucketful of PP shots and really great scoring chances by all four winged wheel lines all three periods.

The Soupy Shuffle: Helm, Huds, Abs, Eaves, Miller, Modano. Oh the pain of having to roll these guys on 3^rd and 4^th lines…. Love seeing Abs on a streak, but I miss seeing Darren with Draper. More ice time for Helm, Please Mr. Babcock. (I know I know, its selfish. I can’t help it, I love the kid.)

Ericsson- Thought I might be dreaming when I realized that he went 35 minutes without any noticeable mistakes, that he looked fantastic with Nic Lids and then he one ups me, taking the five for fighting for the hit on Dats, and Mick getting pissed at the linesmen for how stupidly they handled the break up. Almost makes me forgive 52 for the goal the oilers scored on the PP.

“Holmstrom Again, 3 for a Dollar!” Ah Kenny- loved it. Why does a Homer in the crease PP set up with D and Z on the wing bring me such joy? Seconded only by Pasha with Helm breakaway on the kill. Loved that No. 13 felt confident enough with 43’s speed to run for a shortie rather than ice it.

Pavel doing what he does. Seven straight games of points. Bingo bango.  Three oilers clogging the arteries? Datsyuk’s triple bypass is perfection. No one cuts through like Pavel:  Hot knife through butte- hydrogenated oil. Le Sigh. 

Wings appear to have finally fixed their starts. All last year Wings most vulnerable point was the first 5 – 10 minutes. I haven’t checked the numbers, but I bet more than 50% of the first goals scored against the Wings came in the first 5-10 minutes of the game. And the league quickly figured it out, especially if Ozzie was in net. Tonight the Oilers came out guns blazing, hoping to capitalize on this weakness, but got no where. Jimmy Howard was in it from the get go and it made a huge difference. The Oilers all but fell apart by the 9 minute point and didn’t even seem to follow the wings into the Red Zone in the last minute of the first period.

Comparisons to 2002. Over the last 2 weeks I have been hearing random statistical comparisons of this year’s start to the 2002 Wings. Tonight we got a Nic Lids comparison: Nic has 12 points this year so far, the most he’s had this early in the season since 2002. Suck it Ageists.

Sad to learn the Sharks cut Andreas, worried about him being in Anaheim. Watch the head Lils.

Oilers may be young, but I see a marked difference between this young team, and say the LA Kings a year or 2 ago. The work ethic is not there. These Oilers don’t finish their shifts, or their periods. Not sure if its inexperience or exhaustion. They would be a helluva lot worse if they didn’t have the Bulin Wall. When they do press, they would be more successful if they would drive to the net and communicate and never give up.

Tonight’s Wings really do seem to be looking more like the 2008 Playoff Wings, and this early in the season …

Final note at 5:30 am: 22 Gun Salute to Dino Ciccarelli for his induction into the HHOF. Nothing but the best for the man who taught Homer everything he knows about the crease.  Think he’s a controversial choice? Two points: 608 goals and a career spent deflecting Al Iafrate’s slapshots. Suck it naysayers.

Crossover Post: Why is this Detroit Red Wings Fan searching for a Pink Crosby jersey?

GGGGGGGaaahhh. I feel like I already need to say 12 "Our Hollands" and at least 2 "Hail Datsyuks" for this. But.

and its a Kardasian sized one....

But.

When your girl Juice isn't obsessing about the Wings, she occasionally does nice things that more often than not do not rhyme.  ahem.

  On Nov. 14th I am running a half marathon to raise awareness for a relatively unknown disease that affects my family: Alternating Hemiplegia of Childhood. As part of my fund-raising efforts, I have promised that if we reach a certain donation level then I will take my last training run (on 11/11) through the streets of Santa Monica in a costume chosen by the people cheering me on, or as I like to think of them: "My athletic supporters".

There are two costume suggestions made by my Athletic Supporters and they are not pretty. In fact, our Girl, Mackseyev has thrown the Mothra Faulking gauntlet, people. She has dropped the goaltending stick, pushed the mask way back on her head and is sprinting toward Center Ice as if I were Patrick Roy and she were Mike Vernon circa 1997.

Mack's Lethal Suggestion:

A Pink Sid Crosby Jersey with pink hot pants.  

The other option, suggested by my Sister: 

A deranged clown costume with half bald fro wig, preferably rainbow, big floppy shoes, red nose,  smeared deranged clown make up and a honky horn that must be utilized at regular intervals. 

And you get to vote here.

Oh I'll do it.  I have to!  The amount of money my Athletic Supporters have donated in such a short period of time has surpassed my expectations and my goal-  in a mere 7 days. I HAVE to do something to show how much it means to me.   Only one "problem".

I scoured the interwebs today looking for a Pink Sid Crosby Jersey, and there aren't any to be found. Hilariously enough, you can get a Pink Avalanche jersey for $19.95 on eBay, but no Pens. I shixt you not!

The relief I feel is probably something I should not admit to, except that I have not given up. WTF? Did someone buy them all? Does Mike Milbury have a secret closet full of them? Does Gary Bettman give them out for Boxing Day?

Sure sure I could ask the Kid himself if I could borrow his, but do you think he's really gonna give up his nightgown to a Detroit Red Wings fan who nicknamed him "Bucky Sanchez" and regularly calls him a whiny diver? Even if he knew it would humiliate her?

I think not.

So, drop me a line (comment below) if you find the Pink Sid Crosby Jersey anywhere on the net or for sale at a reasonable price (the cost of a roll of tape, a new mouthguard and a Pink Rangers jersey, plus shipping and handling).

sigh. the things I do.

Hockey Musing on this Week of Hallowed Eves.

The Juice is Loose…

Zombie Alert: Jamie Langenbrunner Is Mostly Dead To Me.

I am ready to eat Jamie Langenbrunner’s brainzzz and today’s Devils report on NHL on the Fly did nothing to discourage me. The Devils are systematically spiraling down an improbable slump, no better exemplified than by Langenbrunner’s abysmal numbers so far this year: 0 Goals, 6 Assists, -6 Plus/Minus, 6 PIMs, 18 SOGs and 1 PPP. 

Why does this matter to a Detroit Red Wings fan? Two words, 5 Syllables: Fantasy Hockey. For the past 3 years, #15 has been a super solid choice for a 5-6 round draft pick, and I have him on two teams this year and he is killing me- KILLING ME. I drafted him at 10, so I thought it was a bit of a steal, but also knew the Kovy factor might affect Langenbrunner’s numbers negatively. However, I was banking on the idea that the Devils would be scoring machines, as the threat of cap induced trades would put guys like No. 15 on the proverbial chopping block.  So here we are 3 weeks into the season and he is performing abysmally. Is it a team/coaching problem, or does Langenbrunner know something we don’t, and is resigned to being shipped off to some place like SJ or Atlanta?

Combine his abysmal performance with the fact that I have two other Right Wings listed “DTD” (Kopecky and Pominville) and you can see why I am sweating it.

FAULK! Every fiber of my being tells me to dump him for Andy McDonald or K. Huselius, and yet I cannot pull the plug. What would you do?

Trick or Treat? Benching Kovaluchuk.

Definitely a treat! However, I fear I am alone in this opinion, as rumors swirl like poisonous mist from a witches' ... cauldron and word spreads that Ron McClean has put his job at risk by making The Hundred Million Dollar man sit one out. Now, some might speculate that it could be an opportunistic firing, because of the problems mentioned above, but let’s play devil’s advocate. I’ll wait- you go put the costume on. Don’t forget the horns. Here’s your inspiration:

(It never gets old!)

Ok now. Coach MacLean has defended his decision by saying something I find especially eloquent. THN reports that Coach MacLean said this: “no player is above the team is at the heart of what has made the New Jersey Devils so successful over the years and was their underlying philosophy before they became one of the most dysfunctional organizations in the NHL.” (THN)

Team Maclean on this one my Trick or Treaters. Boy I feel sorry for Devils fans if ownership and management pick the star player over the coach. You might as well strap on a “I Heart Glen Sather” T-shirt and join the Ranger fans at the bottom of the league for the next 10 years, or at least until Kovy’s contract hits the light end and he can be traded or bought out for a rich man's pittance.

 Who Is That Masked Man 
And 
Please Tell Me He’s Not Wearing Tights.

Rene Bourque, fresh off DTD status racks up a hat trick in his first game back and follows up the NEXT DAY with 2 and an assist.  Pick him up in your leagues while he’s hot people, unless you are in my leagues because I already have him.

Hanzus for the Win: Kings trump Wild in OT.! Seriously, He’s a player in the NHL-and a veteran too. Rumor has it that it was really Drew Doughty, just dressed in Handzus’ uni. It could happen, you have no idea how seriously these Los Angeleans take Halloween. 

           The Hockey News GETS IT WRONG- This Is Not A Trick!

THN hits hard but misses the mark in this week’s report on the long haired athlete trend, wondering if NHL players are such huge chumps that they are following the Bieber/ Brady trend of shaggy hair.

 Bitches Please. There is only one man to whom any self respecting NHL player would pay hair homage. I give you “The Fro”:

And The Girl In The Back Said, Boy I Ought To Warn You 
It’ll Turn Into A Ballroom Blitz.

Anyone buying Tricky Dick Rypien’s apology? I hate to say it but I am not. While I am proud of the fact that excluding guys like Chris Simon, the NHL’s bad, criminal and subhuman behaviors problems don’t rival those of the NFL or the NBA-

And while I also think the guy who got grabbed is a total teabagging Deuce,

I don’t think a scripted apology is good enough, nor do I believe this to be anymore sincere than an Avery’s Sloppy Second Speech. I do think the fines and a 6 game suspension is a reasonable start to punishment that falls in line with the NHL’s history on such matters.

Most importantly, some smart bloggers have been critical of the 6 game suspension comparing it to the lesser suspensions doled out for brutal on-ice headshots, inadvertently making the argument that 6 games was too steep.  They argue that that its wrong to more seriously punish players for bad off-ice behavior than for actions that would amount to criminal assault with a deadly weapon if they took place anywhere but on ice, in the scope of regulation. While I am inclined to agree that the disparity is disconcerting, I am not in total agreement with these people. 

What Juice? You are queen of the NO HEADSHOT-NO CONCUSSIONS Bandwagon.

Don’t get your fight strap in a bunch people, I have not jumped ship…

Fact is, the NHL hasn’t strayed from its protocol or precedent in the Rypien punishment. History provided a road map for the league and thankfully there are only 3-4 previous incidents that make up that road map. Attacking a fan is really only something that happens if you are a Hanson Brother or once every 10 years.

Following precedent, maintaining a system of cohesive disciplinary rules, with impartial, uniform application is very important to the effectiveness of the NHL’s “legal” system.

Without uniform application of the rules and punishments we give license for a Ballroom Blitz. However…

Holloween Costume Idea For Commissioner Bettman: A Goal, A Stick And Terry Sawchuck’s Old Pads.

We can also argue that the NHL hasn’t majorly strayed from protocol or precedent in suspensions issued this year for on-ice headshots.  However, there is a fatal flaw in Mr. Campbell’s system and blind reliance on the crutch that is precedent for the on-ice criminality that isn’t going away until the league sends a clear signal.

Precedent should only be influential, and applied uniformly and consistently when the rules have not changed.

The rules are supposed to have changed. There is ample evidence in the medical and scientific communities that concussions are permanently debilitating to professional athletes in ways that compel all sports leagues with full body contact to treat as seriously as a heart attack, or steroid use. Don’t get me started on the fact that it is the NFL who is leading the charge on this matter, a truth beyond worrisome and disturbing when you think of all the NHL heads regularly hitting ice in thin plastic helmets.

The NHL presents a façade of caring about head shots and dirty play, but in its minimal punishment of these actions, and the excuses it continually relies upon to argue that there is difficulty policing such brutality, the league sends its clearest signal:

If a tree falls in the crease, and Campbell wasn’t on ice and didn’t see it, it didn’t happen.

The way the NHL continues to punish dirty players for on ice brutality is archaic, and does not reflect or support the current system of rules, making a mockery of the purportedly concerned façade that is the face of the NHL.

By continuing to dole out 1-2 game suspensions for dirty hits and headshots, the NHL continues to send a clear message to players, fans, that it will not take headshots, dirty play and the epidemic of concussions seriously.

And that is sofaking wrong, it makes me want to put G. Bettman in goal with Terry Sawchuck’s padding and let guys like Steve Moore, Andreas Lilja, and Adam Deadmarsh take a bazillion shots on him.

NOT A Trick: Juice is Moving her Hockey Blogs to a Very Cool Website.

Its true kids. Look. Sure I write these things as if someone is actually reading them, but I know the truthy-ism. And I can handle it. So I am joining up with 13-20 of my favorite Hockey bloggers, most of whom have an audience about the size of mine and we are forming a consortium in the crease, to bring you all our unique, awesome, hilarious and hopefully compelling perspectives and accounts of the world of Hockey as we know it. We might not gain a bigger audience, but at least we can amuse each other. Before the end of the month, look for this, and other amazing hockey blogs at Hockey Recon. It will be well worth your time and quite possibly the best collective of hockey writers you will come across on the net.

Happy Halloween Puckheads!

Juice's Caption It Contest - October 20th

I have been meaning to roll out this new feature to the blog for a while now, so here goes. Give me your best caption for this photo, and I will pick and post a winner the following Monday.  I have no idea who the sources are for the photos I have found all over these interwebs, so if its yours, let me know and I will give you your propers.

Caption it:

Top Eleven NHL Moments in Entertainment

My dear friend and fantastic Radio host/hockey blogger, Cassie McClellan posed a very fun query today that sent me straight to the interwebs.

Cassie wanted to know why Cameron wears a Gordie Howe Sweater in the classic film "Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”, especially when the movie is based in Chicago.

After responding: “Because the only real hockey fans in Chicago are Detroit Red Wings Fans”, I had to know which NHL team has received the most love from Hollywierd. 

Sure, I assumed it would be the Wings, and make no mistake we do see tons of Detroit Red Wing love in music, television and film, but are the Wings the most beloved by the entertainment industry? 

I think it safe to say that based on my random and completely un-statistically proven search of the interwebs, Wings are top 3, but given K. Smith’s love of the Devils;  Sandler’s voluminous homages to the Bruins; and some sort of bizarre random bromances for the Blackhawks (I ask you who the faulk really cares what Vince Vaughn thinks?),  the Wings have some serious competition for the Mike Myers Lifetime Achievement in Television Award.  

If, in fact we were being honest,  I’d have to acknowledge the historical significance of the Bruins in television as formidable, to which we can only ask "wtf to infinity?", and look for a palette cleanser…and so I ask you:

What is your all time favorite NHL moment in entertainment?

Here are 11.3 of my all time favorite NHL Moments in Entertainment, counting down.

DISS-HONORABLE MENTION

 Uncle Joey- Full House- Detroit Red Wings.  I cant find a picture, but allegedly Uncle Joey’s bedroom was decorated in Red Wings paraphernalia. Almost more shame that even Alanis Morrisette has to bear for writing “You ought to know” about this buffoon. Significantly harms all the good done by Dr. Cox… it’s a damn good thing we had Uncle Jessie. 

HONORABLE MENTION

Snoop-Thucks.  Snoop Dogg sported a Parros ‘stache in 2007 while the Ducks fought for the Cup.  

Tupac- Detroit Red Wings.  A perfect counteract to Snoop’s misguided moustachery. 

Chevy Chase- NL Vacation- Blackhawks.  I might not be a ‘hawks fan (then again, who is?), but no one faulks with the Griswolds. 

THESE GO TO ELEVEN

11. Goldberg- MMD- Mighty Mighties. It cannot be denied. We can only hope to contain it. 

10. Robin Sherbatsky- HIMYM- Vancouver Canucks. I had to add it, its likely the ONLY time in history a Vancouver Sweater makes it onto the telly. 

9. Lisa Simpson- Simpsons- Mighty Pigs.  Not only is this the first female television character to play the sport (and kick ass doing so), but helpful in counteracting any perceived props for the “Thucks”. 

8. Eddie LeBec- Cheers- Bruins. Don’t care what I have say about Boston, its irritating sports fans, or the Bruins, Eddie was the BEST!!!

7. Mike Meyers- Wayne’s World- Blackhawks.  This would have gone higher in the count, but was dinged by virtue of the existence of the Love Guru.) Innerstingly, Myer’s wears No. 32 in the movie, and while I personally would like to believe that was in homage to Bruce Boudreau, its hard to believe that he wasn’t wearing the No. 30 for Eddie Belfour. Judge for yourself- you can see in the photo, its No. 32, I can’t make the name out. Of course Garth gets props for the Esposito gear in goal.  

6. Hanson Brothers- Slapshot- Chiefs.   What???? Like I’d leave Slapshot out. 

5. Adam Sandler- Happy Gilmore- Bruins. Its odd to me that Sandler wears so much Bruins gear, but rumor has it he sported Rangers gear for Big Daddy, I just don’t remember  care.

4. Randal- Clerks- CCCP.  I didn’t want to rank Kevin Smith this high, but when I went looking for pictures and found this, the cereal props cannot be denied. Anyone else find it weird that Smith puts his lead character, Dante, in a Pens jersey? Apparently he does this frequently. 

3. (tie) David Puddy- Seinfeld-Devils. Putty in all his Devils glory on Seinfeld.  Best Seinfeld moment ever? Puddy showing up at Elaine's for this date. 

3. (tie) Detroit Red Wings- South Park- Detroit Red Wings. What more could you want: South Park, the Cup, the Wings, a destroyed Colorado Avalanche team and Stan’s Mighty Mighties. If it hadn’t been for the whole leukemia thing, this might have made it to No. 1. 

2. Cameron- Ferris Bueller’s Day Off- Detroit Red Wings. Classic. Timeless. Proof positive of the staying power of a legendary franchise.  

1. Dr. Cox-Scrubs-Detroit Red Wings   Dr. Cox’s mad continual love for the Wings (and Cheli) on one of the funniest series to ever grace the television cannot be denied. Plus, Cheli and Cox (John C. McGinley as he’s known in the real world) are Malibu neighbors and have been rumored to share a love for sprokets and ice cream.

Detroit Red Wings: True Rivals

I like to think it takes a lot for me to whip out my condescending “Goalier than thou” Red Wing Fan-itude. Oh make no mistake, it’s always in the holster. But as Lidstrom’s sermon from Mt. JLA, chapter 5:11, in the Book of Holland reminds us: It is better to speak softly and slap in a one-timer from the blueline, than to spear someone in the nads with a Sharp stick.

I really try to make aneffort not to constantly remind everyone that the Detroit Red Wings are the best team to ever grace a rink, ever. At least not without gushing my particular brand of unwavering adoration, energetic enthusiasm and sass that I like to think makes it palatable. I also try very hard to maintain a classy Wing Fan persona, because the team holds itself to an impossibly high standard of class as evidenced by the existence of Steve Yzerman, Nic Lids and Pavel Datsyuk.

Accordingly, I expressly, purposefully and knowingly reserve most of my condescension for those who truly deserve it. In other words, it only pours out onto the Anaheim Thucks, CryBaby Crosby and now, the Chicago Blackhawks, their bandwagon fans and most particularly the manufactured rivalry between the two teams that some marketing fop somewhere in Toronto or the Windy City keeps trying to make stick.

At the drop of a puck I will draw a bored, “knowing” smirk whenever someone tries to perpetuate the myth that there is a rivalry between Detroit and Chicago. It’s a sad, absurd premise as pathetic as the league’s continued attempts to engineer a Pens-Caps rivalry. There simply is no existing or recent rivalry between the Wings and the Hawks. The Hawks have been a terrible team for so long, and their fan base has been non-existent even longer (a fact particularly offensive to me). Any rivalry between the Red and the Black -that may at one time have existed- died 30-40 years ago. One Stanley Cup doesn’t change this fact, no matter how many quarters, dimes and nickels Buck Twenty Kane donates to the Taxi Driver Defense Fund of Buffalo.

The Imaginarium of Dr. Bettman’s Emporium

History is on my side on this one. Sure they are both Original Sixers, but even in the 1920-30’s, when Chicago was “good” they were never really our rivals, nor were we their rival. Since the days of the Original Six, the Wings and Hawks have not matched up against each other during a period were they were both on the rise/at the top. 

Fact is, Chicago’s real rivalry is with the St. Louis Blues and it spans decades. Can you say “St. Patty’s Day Massacre”? Jeremy Roenick can. Seems kind of pathetic that the Blackhawks are willing to bury their true rivalry history with St. Louis, and what for? Just so they can get their name mentioned in the same sentence as the Detroit Red Wings? So sad. Anyone want to bet that once the Blues become contenders again, Chicago will try to embrace that rivalry like nothing ever happened? I’ll wager a Buck Twenty and a used mouthguard…

The only facts that lend themselves to the pipedream of a Detroit-Chicago rivalry is a shared division, geographic location and the fact that we stole the prodigal son from under their noses when he finally, painfully had to admit that the only way he’d see his name on a Stanley Cup was to bring his chili and his Hollywood friends about 400 miles east. Even though he once vowed that he’d never play in Detroit.

Sorry Cheli- you know we love ya. And I hear your chili is quite good.

And finally, Detroit fans barely acknowledge a Blackhawk existence, and forget about the bandwagonners they call fans. Respect has to be earned people. That Stanley Cup seems more a fluke and anomaly than reality, and it certainly doesn’t spark jealousy or anger or any sense of injustice.

So if not the Hawks, then who, you ask? Come on.

Really?

Snow me the Money- (A Buck Twenty won’t cut it)
Detroit’s All Time Greatest Rival

For my $1.20, there is and has been only one modern Wings rivalry of any note in Detroit Red Wing History.

Wings- Avs.

Sure, sure Wings fans have developed special degrees of loathing for the fighty fighty Thucks and Sid Crosby, but these things don’t go to eleven.

Nothing more poignantly highlights the farcical basis of the imaginary Wings-Hawks rivalry, than a look at the history of Wings v. Avs.

The Detroit-Colorado rivalry has everything any good historic rivalry should. It’s arguably in the all time top 3 of hockey rivalries, and I’d bet in the all time top twenty of sports rivalries.

Even before the Nordiques were uprooted to Colorado, entered into witness protection and forced to change their name this rivalry was brewing. Patty Wah held a special brand of hatred for the Wings, even before he got to Colorado. Nine goals on 26 shots will do it to you...

These two teams fiercely battled for league and Western Conference dominance from 1995 through 2002, meeting in the confy finals 3 of those 7 years, and meeting in the semis for another 3 of the 7. More often than not the winner of this match up would eventually take the Stanley Cup home during this period. But the fight for athletic supremacy was just the tip of the iceberg fueling this great rivalry.

There were heroic goaltender battles, Statue of liberty smackdowns, and intense dynamic back and forth triumphs and losses over an exciting 7 year period; HHOF team captains both wearing No. 19, bench clearing brawls at any given moment and of course there was Darren McCarty pummeling future “Skating with the Stars” winner, Claude Le Pew, into turtle soup.

There existed such a deep hatred of opposing players and opposing fans that even Yankees/Red Soxs fans give deference. Rumor has it there is a Gordie Howe Sweater cemented under the Home Goal at the Pepsi Center.

The injustice all Detroit Fans continue to feel with respect to Claude Le Pew’s vicious attack on Kris Draper will take generations to dissipate. Maybe even longer now that you can pull Darren McCarty’s retribution up on You Tube and watch it over and over.

Not that I know anyone who does that…

And it all occurred while Detroit and her fans patiently and loyally hoped and fought to end a 41 year Stanley Cup drought. 41 years between championships and yet some will argue that the win over Colorado on March 26, 1997 was as sweet as Game 4 of the 1997 SCF.

Sure Colorado looked absolutely pathetic in the 2008 Semis, so much so that I vividly recall watching that series with my brother with a fair degree of sentimental shock, punctuated only by a quiet uttering the following sentiment: “It’s the end of an era.” while our Wings deftly dominated an underwhelming and clearly demoralized Colorado team. And of course the next year when Joe S. broke his fingers on the snowblower, the rest of the world started to echo that sentiment.

Then the Avs quietly and quickly began to rebuild. I wish I could say I had an in depth analysis, but I don’t. Fact is though, since mid-season last year, Colorado has looked like contenders again. And after last night’s game at the Joe, there is no question in my mind, Detroit's true rival is on the way back, cannot be taken for granted and  ain’t going anywhere, anytime soon.

Score 5 goals on Jimmy Howard one time- shame on me. Colorado scoring 5 goals on him again? It will never happen. And if it does, I will dress in goalie gear, assume the statue of liberty stance in net while Patrick Kane takes slap shots from the blues.

Now you know I am not an advocate of fighting, but there is one exception that clearly bolsters my argument that the Wings-Avs rivalry is the greatest in the history of our franchise:

Tip of the Mask, Wag of the Mouthguard….Weekend Wrap up in the NHL

Wow what an exciting first three days of this 10-11 Season! I could scarcely get to sleep last night and not just because My Wings ruined Buck Twenty Kane’s banner party. It was coconut icing on German chocolate cake. Damn. Now I 'm hungry for cake.

Maybe it would just be best if we just get started, or at least get my homer-ism out of the way, no?  I do have a need to gush! Oh come on, cut me a slice. You think you can do better? 

Doubt it, no one can move Homer from the Crease...

First: a Tip of the Mask to My Amazing Detroit Red Wings

Anyone else watch this weekend's Wings games and feel like we were back in the spring of '08?

I love feeling the excitement of watching an amazing year unfold, and this one already looks like the 2009-2010 I dreamt of.  Babs putting the D-H-Z line back together is bags of fun, of course,  but what is so interesting to me is the change in both Pasha and Zets (and arguably Homer too). They all have grown their game so differently since 2008. Zetterburg has become much scrappier and tougher in the crease where he can be so deadly and Pavel Datsyuk’s takeaway skills are the best in the league, nevermind how he cuts through defenders like a hot knife in butter.  fughedaboutit.

I have been secretly thinking this for about 3 seasons and for the first time ever, feel a fair degree of confidence in predicting that Pavel Datsyuk may in fact be the best all around player this league has ever seen. Seriously, I am sticking with it and owning this observation. Bring it, if you think someone out there has more.

So I am wondering what this line will evolve into and if by midseason we will see Pasha and Hank flying down the ice with the telekinetic no look passes whizzing through defender skates like we used to in 2008.  Can't wait to find out.

Even more exciting is our boy Val- "2Ts, 2Ps"-Filppula, eh? Ever since he channeled Bobby Orr (and arguably did it a bit better that No. 3) in ’08, I have waited for great things from Filps.  Sure he still has his gangly "colt out of the starting gate" moments, but come on- the Kid gets excited! So far, putting him on the ice with a healthy Mule and Bertz seems pure genius. So much so that I am struggling not to drop Patrick Sharp and pick Filps up in my Fantasy League.

AND the cherry on top??? The Hudded Helm line is back. I cannot wait for Happy to get his legs again and see Darren and Jiri fly down the ice like they did 2 years ago.

Let’s not forget, Ozzie standing solid in net and Jimmy MF Howard with a damn shutout against the Thucks!!!  

Ok, enough Wings Love fest- Holland knows I could go on and on…

A Wag of the Mouthguard:

To the fighty fighty Thucks. Geebuz, even when this gutted team sucks, and they lost their star antagonist they still seem to think hockey has nothing to do with skill. I am so over Anaheim. 

I mean, you have to pretty much be the deucebags of the league to compel Pavel Datsyuk to fight. BTW, Corey Perry how pathetic do you have to be to get your arse handed to you by a perpetual Lady Bing winner?

Gordie Howe Hat Tricks all around! Three Orange Whips for Datsyukian Dekes!

Query: which team has been more profoundly gutted, Ducks or Hawks? Discuss! Vote!

Tip of the Mask:

To the Tampa Bay Lightning who dominated an improved Atlanta team last night. Finally we might get to see what all that hodge podge of talent can do. They must be feeling good about the Yzerman “acquisition”…. Oh and if Mike Smith is available in your fantasy league, I am betting that its a shrewd pick up, say if you have a Carey Price to dump…

Wag of the Mouthguard:

To San Jose, and particularly Patrick Marleau. Sigh. Get over yourselves, and get out of your heads. geebuz. From top to bottom, your entire organization spent the summer making knee jerk idiotic decisions, starting with letting Nabby go. Sorry, its true. You will never be anything more than Second Rounders if you can’t stay the course, figure out what your goddamn game plan is and stick with it, inspire some confidence in the organization – especially your key players- and believe in yourselves.

Seriously. The only problem you all have is an organizational parasite called fear and self loathing. You will never win anything significant if you don’t find a way to truly believe in yourselves.

And get Nabby back you fools. If you cannot recall what he did in 2008, your short sightedness will break you.

(you get some props for picking Lilja up though- Andres: be safe, watch your head bro.)

Monday Edit: NHL.com is reporting Andres Lilja has signed with the Ducks. This scares the crap out of me for all the wrong reasons. I think this move will concuss Andreas right out of the league and into a wheelchair with sippy cup holder.... This is a bad move for Lilja's health. Dammit.

Tip of the Mask:

To the LA Kings for coming on strong again this year. When will the Boys in Black start earning your respect people? They are the real deal, and they are coming for your daughters.

Wag of the Mouthguard/Tip of the Mask:

To Hobey! You let a Rook score a hat trick on you? I still love you, and that is all I will say, except: Snap out of it!!!! 

Of course we must give the corollary tip of the mask to the kid, Derek Stephan, only the 4^th rookie to open his very first NHL game with a hat trick. Nice interview too, giving all the props to his linesmen. Golf claps all around! How about a Fresca?

Tip of the Mask:

To Ethan Moreau for reminding everyone that he is still alive. Watch Columbus this year kids- they have a damn fire lit under their arses.

Wag of the Mouthguard:

Refs and Officials for so far failing to take Rule 48 seriously. Screw you League. No one wants smashmouth hockey at the expense of athlete careers- so get your shixsa together and stop the career ending injuries.

Tip of the Mask:

To Radim Vrbata for a seriously cool name and for schooling the Bruins in Prague.

Wag of the Mouthguard:

To Concussions. Faulk you concussions, and Puck anyone who intentionally hits a head or behaves recklessly to put a guy's head in danger. Speaking of which:

All our well wishes, strongest hopes for speedy recovery and  positive thoughts go out to those already hit with concussions and injuries

Ondrej Pavelec: Kid, get well. You're way too young to be concussed out of the league.  

Johnny Tavares: Islanders need you!

Pekka Renne: Bro get well. Your team needs you. See, Dan Ellis took his tiny bags of money and headed south.

Marc Savard: Really? already?

J. Spezza: See Savard comment.

J. Ericsson: See Savard/Spezza.

Patrick Sharp: you suck and you speared Nic Lidstrom in the Balls, so I hope you end up on IR for a long time even though it will screw my fantasy team.

Hockey Season is upon us. You can tell from the scent of shame, my deal with the devil’s dong and my Barbie™ RV.

Fantasy Hockey Edition of OMOP.

This post is dedicated to Shawny and 
the Red Deke Fluffers (fka Juice’s Red Larionovs)

Many purists won’t herald in the most wonderful time of the year until they see their first frozen snot rocket, hear the sweet hum of the zamboni, shave off their playoff beards and spot the first Robyn Regehr at training camp.

But for my money, the first sign that hockey season is upon us is the Fantasy Hockey Draft.

My head to head league- comprised of a legion of some of the best hockey bloggers/sports writers (see links) and smartest fans ever assembled - is a ruthless, badassed group of managers. I assert this confidently because when I join other leagues, I win them.  Hell I win them with autopicks. 

Not so with my sports writer friends. In this league I consistently finish out of the money. And not just by a little. Over the past two years and out of 14 teams in the ICDL league, I finished ranked 9^th and 12^th.

And not just because T-squared let me down colossally last year and Mikael Sammuelson was my best skater (Damn your ankle, Danny Sedin). Or because I forgot to set goalies twice last year and forfeited 2 weeks.  

Although I am still terribly bitter about Tim Thomas.

It’s what I get for playing with smart savvy people who write about the sport.

But I love it, and I love this group- I feel totally honored to even compete with these cool kats.

Ok, ok while that might be totally true, I also hate losing.

And Fokknockers, I hate losing bad.

As a result, this year has shaped up to be the pinnacle of all that is soul selling, character annihilating, shame riddled and self loathing in my life.  I have sold my soul to the Devil.   And not for the kind of money we are accustomed to seeing Mr. Lamoreillo and Co. throw around. Not for any money really.   

This Year’s draft has taken me so far over the blue line, that I can’t even see the line, Nic Lidstrom is a dot to me.

And its all because I got sick of losing, and stuck to my “process”. I let the numbers rather than the heart run the show.

I love draft preparation. I love to pour over and manipulate stats and draw my own conclusions. When I have the time, I spend weeks obsessing over fantasy League drafts. It's not easy. As some of my overseas friends will understand, being in LA means no access to fantasy hockey magazines- at all. Not at CVS, not at Borders, B&N, gas stations or the staggering number of Newsstands we have all over the place.

I refuse to pay for online guides from people who haven’t convinced me they know WTF they are talking about. (I’m talking to you, rotoworld.) Sorry, I don’t trust people whom I don’t know to be smarter than me.

You might argue that a chick who regularly eats it in her favorite fantasy league might not be smarter than those actually getting published for their hockey opinions, but my championship trophies in less talented leagues say otherwise.

Fantasy mag-rags are only good for one thing: comparing my own process to popular opinion.

And my process is, uh. Well. I was trying to succinctly explain it to a friend, but it can’t be done. If you want to skip over the details, ignore the next 7-ish paragraphs, just know it has 7 labor intensive steps that manipulate scoring stats of 200-250 players, a bazillion ways, the crux of which is that after weeks of number crunching analysis,  I then cut players I dislike from the draft list. If you need the details, read on…

I first start with the numbers. I can’t help it. I pour over stats like water from a zamboni resurfacing for overtime.    Here are my steps:

1. Build Microsoft Excel Spreadsheet, with 8-10 workbooks sorted for the various positions, to track the “Scoring Stats”: the stats the league uses to score the team.

2.  Sort the top 200-250 players (according to Total Points) by Position. This may seem like a superfluous start but it’s crucial for late rounds when you have to fill bench holes and need to know whether Steve Downie or Brian Gionta is a better grab.

3. Input last year’s Scoring Stats for each player. If time, do two years worth.

4. Rank players by their Scoring Stats.  I color code each player’s good stats.  30+ goals = excellent, 35+ assists = excellent; Plus Minus greater than 9 = excellent, PIM in excess of 75= excellent, SOGs over 250= excellent.  Sure I might use red to signify “excellence”, Purple for “Top Notch”, and Pink for “better than average”, But red does = excellence, and the girlie colors make me feel less testoterony.

Ovie, for example, earned red for each category in 2009. Straight across the board – two years straight. Scott Hartnell was red in two 2009 categories: Assists and PIM.

5. Compare each player against the 2-5 players ranked around him and analyze whether the straight numbers tell the whole story.

For example, Danny Sedin’s numbers have to be weighted to account for the fact that he missed 20 games to the ankle last year. There is no accounting for Tim Thomas’ utter failure last year, so he doesn’t get the benefit of the doubt.

[Insert your favorite Great White lyric here.]

This is the most labor intensive part of my draft prep, but the most fun a girl can have without taking off her jersey. Trying to decide if Jerome Iginla and Rick Nash truly deserve equal ranking is like watching Roenick hand Milbury his ass.

I troll the internet for injuries, off-season surgeries, unsigned UFAs and I re-acquaint myself with trades and make the call as to whether they factor. For example, I think the Turco trade will have a temporary effect. Playing for a better team will put a skip in his step through February, provided he can overcome the gutting the ‘hawks took in the off season. I am betting he can’t keep it up long term. Therefore, Turco isn’t worth a pick until late rounds, unless someone in the league starts a run on goalies early in the draft and picks Brodeur in the first round, forcing you to pick a goalie rather than Pavel Datsyuk.   

THEN I read what others are saying, pouring over THN’s BIGS  , HF boards and website articles. But this is just so I can shake my head in superior pity and gloat. Sometimes though, people give me good info, like when one writer mentioned that Eric Stall gets his points on streaks, I discounted him, because that SUCKS in a head-to-head league. 

J’adore THN’s BIGS, J’adore.

STEP SIX (the exclamation point is implied) I assemble a Draft Order worksheet, which disregards position for purposes of ranking. I drop all players into the list then I repeat Step 5. Then,

Wait, Juice- There is more? 

Of course there are more steps. It may come as a surprise, but I am detail oriented, to a fault. In fact, as a girl, I would spend hours “setting” up to play Barbies. I would cordon off the entire living room and use legos, encyclopedias, couch cushions and anything else I could find, build elaborate homesteads, houses, stables, acreage. Then I’d spend hours with the interior design of Barbie’s awesome townhouse or her RV. (yes you read that right, I had a Barbie RV- ‘nother story, nother time) But when it came to actually playing “Barbies”- I didn’t really want to. Just wanted to set up.

Are you really discussing a Barbie RV in a really over written, diabolically long Hockey blog Juice? On a Monday? Geebuz, yer killin us – is this a test? 

The point of the story is that I am one of those people who lives for the detail work, the prep, planning, the journey... Yea- its the journey I live for, not the destination.  Feel free to remind me of this at the end of the post...

STEP 7:  FINALLY I remove players from the Draft Order list “For Cause”. Those I detest are deleted from the list entirely. Seriously.  I cannot stomach the idea of having to follow Sid or Pronger or Buck Twenty Kane for a whole season. In 2008, Sean Avery was excluded from my draft order for cause. (In later drafts he was excluded because he sucks.) I would never even joke about picking up Corey Perry, Ray Emery or Sergei Gonchar.

Step Seven has been non-negotiable in any and all league. In all previous years, I have maintained strict allegiance to my Hockey Prep plan, my morals, principles and fiber. In other words, I have refused to draft players I despise.  When stuck in a draft position where I could have taken Malkin, I chose Danny Sedin. Last year I picked Jeff Carter over Patrick Kane and it cost me. 

Until now. Until this year. After two years of pathetic showings, I have forsaken Step Seven and my principles.

The outcome of this year’s draft was such an affront to my personal beliefs, I scarcely know who I am anymore.  I had 4^th pick, which is typically not a bad position to have. Here are the results.

First Pick: The Donkey Dong Devil, Bucky Sanchez himself: Sid Crosby.

Second Pick: Sharky Second Rounder, Season Spoiling Patrick Merlot.

Third Pick: Patrick “Deez Nutz” Sharp- who porpoisefully speared Nicolas Lidstrom in the Family Jewels during Game 3 of the 2009 WCF, causing Nico to miss the very first playoff game he has ever missed in 20 years. 

Fourth Pick: Jimmy Howard. Sure I might have wanted Brody or Hobie, but they went in the first damn round. Plus I had to do something to save myself from excommunication.

My Draft Ranking System supported these choices. I should have removed Sid, and Sharp from the draft order in Step 7, but I didn’t. Instead I picked Sid when he was still available as the fourth draft pick. I could have picked Pavel Datsyuk or Nic Backstrom, or Stamkos or Henrik Sedin and his 112 points for gawd sake.

But I didn’t.  I didn’t just go down like a 2 dollar fleury, I spent the first 3 rounds picking evil doers.

Ok, fine, Patrick Merlot isn’t anymore of an evil doer than Joe Sakic, but he looks whiny.

I should have felt dirty when it was all over. But I didn't, I felt confident and ready to seriously compete. I am a Barbie RV owning, number obsessed hypocrite who apparently just wants to win.

There I said it. Waiting for the “feels better part”….