Blatant Bias Begs Boycott of NHL.com

I hate conspiracy theories the way Scott Hartnell’s fro abhors a Flobee. Further, I believe that its’ useless to waste energy thinking people are out to get you. Unless they really really (really) are.


I prefer to approach my hockey like I try to approach my life: put your head down, work harder than you think you should have to, ignore the bullshixxha and good things will happen.


But what is a Detroit Red Wing fan to do when she starts her 2009 Stanley Cup Finals weekend by checking www.nhl.com only to find the following nhl.com headlines:

“Watch Gretzky, Messier on Sid, Malkin”

“Gretzky, Messier talk Dynasty”- linked to a headline story- “Generation Now: similarities between Pens and Oilers don’t stop at dynamic duos.”

“Glenn Anderson sees potential dynasty with young stars in Pittsburgh”

“Nightmare on Helm St.”

Anyone besides me see a disparity in the numerous positive, exciting headlines for Pittsburgh versus a single negative headline concerning Detroit? Anyone else besides me read these headlines and draw the conclusion that the NHL and some of its greatest players think Pittsburgh is a dynasty?


After looking at how the NHL chooses to promote its upcoming finals today, can anyone make a legitimate argument that today’s NHL.com headlines don’t unequivocally support the argument that the league has a Pittsburgh preference and bias?


As far as I can see, according to the National Hockey League, its all Pittsburgh, all the time.


And what’s worse? The NHL has chosen to mislead the public, and lie to you all in the biased promotion the Penguins, thinly veiled as “journalism”.


Time and time again my Wings fan friends have lamented about the seething hatred the League exhibits for the Detroit Red Wings and the awful bias. My general feeling is that the only thing that matters is the Cup, and who cares what anyone else says or does.


Unless it a waived goal when Homer’s butt was not in the crease. “But” don’t get me started on that…






Previously I would only agree and admit that the League has, on occasion, displayed curious animosity toward its current Stanley Cup Champions, and long time league leader. But after seeing the nhl.com headlines from today, there is simply no way to characterize the League’s focus and priority as anything but Anti-Wing.

Bettman’s Blatant Bias Begs Boycott

To wit: nhl.com, t-31 hours and counting- one day before the Stanley Cup Finals begin what are the headlines all about? A Pittsburgh Dynasty.


There is no hard hitting analysis, no discussion of both teams in the finals and how they have changed since last year or what the changes will mean for this match up. Just fluff about the Pens being a Dynasty, or rather a Dynasty in the making.


Really – rilly?


Is today’s big story in the NHL really that HOFF’ers and Cup winning former Oilers thinks Pittsburgh has Dynasty in the making? In all fairness I didn’t read the Anderson article, it could be as big a misrepresentation as the tripe NHL attributed to Gretzky and Messier (see below).


But let’s just suppose they haven’t put words into everyone mouth and say "Ok, ok, Glenn Anderson likes Pitt", cool. Why not write about it?


Of course being that you are a website purported to cover the whole the league, shouldn’t you have an equal number of representative opinions? Perhaps there is another Cup Winning HOFF’er out there who could balance out your coverage...


Wouldn’t it be inspiring and thought provoking to have two hall of famers (guys inducted at the same time, perhaps?) to go tete a tete on this one?


Nyet?


Vhhhaaat, vas Igor Larionov unavailable for seister article? You could not find him or come up with something like“Igor Larionov thinks the Wings have a “D” in the making”???


Some how I would bet no one even thought to ask.



The League doesn’t talk about the Detroit Red Wings accomplishments in its headlines at all. They don’t discuss the Detroit Red Wings 18 season playoff legacy. They don’t mention 4 cups in 11 years. Or the fact the Wings should be the favorite for a 5th (other than a glib reference to the “compooter” picking the Wings to win). They don’t write about how impossible it is to get to the Finals two years in a row, or the fact that no one besides the Wings has repeated since 1991(ironically, a topic where they could totally kiss Penguin tail).


Perhaps Mr. Bettman and his ass crack marketing team, (the same marketing geniuses who think Chaka Chan and Alan Thicke’s son are a musical draw for hockey fans in Vegas) are confused, perhaps the League’s refusal to seriously consider safer head gear and implement game rules to minimize the risk of career ending, life altering concussions has left the collective head addled.


That’s my guess and I am sticking with it.


Chaka Chan??? Really?


REALLY?????


If someone proves to me that Sidney Crosby is a Chaka Chan Fan, I will first puke, then send GB a Kirk Cameron T-Shirt.


Perhaps you think I am bringing a lot of Red Wing Bias to this argument. I guess you’ll tell me then, that its not at all biased to talk Pittsburgh Dynasty when the Pens almost didn’t make these 2009 playoffs and haven’t won a Cup in 17 seasons, while the team opposing the Pens in these Finals – The Detroit Red Wings- is the only team in the history of all professional sports to secure a playoff berth for 18 straight seasons; the only post ‘94 lockout team to win 4 championships, the only team since 1991 to win back to back championships and the only team since the ‘04 lockout who is in a position to win a second set of back to back championships.



So that is the standard for a Dynasty then? A team has to scratch and kick and claw its way into the Stanley Cup finals two years in a row (not necessarily winning a cup in either attempt) and in this day’s NHL, that makes a Dynasty?


Well shixxsha, someone pull Lou Lamoreillo off the 9th hole at Pebble and let him know his team need not ever strive to achieve anything again…

A Lie Gets Halfway Around The World Before The Truth
Has A Chance To Put Its Skates On.

Ok ok, let’s say you still aren’t buying my bias argument as anything other than Red Wing Fan Homerism…how do you retort to the fact that the nhl.com headlines are misleading to the point of being untruthful?


“Gretzky and Messier talk Dynasty” linked to a headline story “Generation Now: similarities between Pens and Oilers don’t stop at dynamic duos”


Anyone else think that if you click on this link you will get a story about two of the greatest to play the game, members of the last great Hockey Dynasty to exist, talking about the Penguins being the next dynasty?


I cannot tell a lie, Gretz and Mess sure did “talk” Dynasty. I saw it NHL on the Fly this morning and here is how it went down:


1. Brian Duff asked Gretz and Mess about the Detroit Red Wings, referring to a “Dynasty in the making”.


B. Messier then made a cloaked reference to the Detroit Red Wings being a “dynasty-like” team. He also said that the Detroit Red Wings were exciting because of the 10+ years the Detroit Red Wings organization has dominated the league.


III. Duff asked for a comparison the 1984 Oilers and in response Gretz complimented Datsyuk and Zetterburg.


Perhaps my problem is that I think calling a team a “Dynasty” implies something special, fantastical and magical in the NHL- and perhaps that is the wrong way to look at it. Perhaps rather than a Dynasty, an “Empire” is the way to characterize the Detroit Red Wing Organization. The Detroit Red Wing Empire. And following that logic, perhaps by making the Wings out as the Evil Empire, the League is sending a message that an Empire is more impressive than a Dynasty, and therefore evil or not, the Wings are the best.


Well if that is the case, then by all means Commissioner please extend my apologies to your asscrack writing staff and marketing team.


Ahem… (crickets)

The Evil Empire- Detroit Red Wings

Don’t agree with me that the Detroit Red Wings are being cast as the Evil Empire in these SCFs? Ok then, indulge me, and compare these headlines:

“Nightmare on Helm St.” (with sublink entitled: Helm a nightmare)

versus

“Road to the Final: saavy moves by Shero pave the way return to Cup finals.”

Anyone else see a disparity in the only two headline articles that are exclusively devoted to each Finals team?


Sure sure, like you I tend think Freddie Kruger is a cool, iconic character, and I am sure Helmer has no problem being considered a nightmare to any opposing team, but the only way it could be more obvious that the League is choosing to portray the Wings as “a nightmare” and the Pens as “The Golden Children” would be if Eddie Murphy were to show up at the Igloo sporting a Crosby sweater over leather pants and other moderately racist asian accessories, and do his “I got your Ice cream” bit.

I got your Ice Cream, Indeed. In fact I got your Scoreboard.

Its like Gretz said today on the NHL Network, The Wings are the Champs, and they are back, and according to Mess, absent a few injuries, they are as good as last year, if not better.


FOUR Positive exciting headlines about the Pens, THREE articles discussing the Pittsburgh Dynasty. ONE headline devoted to the Detroit Red Wings, in which they imply an up and coming player is a Nightmare. The League purposefully misleading in its characterization of its interviews of Hockey legends.


This is your NHL…but This isn’t acceptable to me, and therefore it isn’t mine.


If it is acceptable to you, have at it.


In the end I hope and expect that the Wings will likely be able to yell “scoreboard” anyway. Its true that winning is all that should matter. But sometimes a message is necessary. Tell Gary Bettman the bias and homerism will no longer be tolerated. I for one will not be visiting the NHL’s main website again during the course of these SCF, and if you are a Detroit Red Wing fan, I would encourage you to stay away too.

Helm Yes! Its Finally Cleary, the Detroit Red Wings Head back to Ithaca.

The Detroit Red Wings are on their way once more. On the way to fulfilling a singular epic goal, held since October 9. A season of brilliance and patience, lethargy and strength. Of great wins and disappointing loses. Defending the Cup.

Breathe Red Wing fans, Breathe. And smile. Most importantly, remember this:

By and large your Detroit Red Wings have been flawless in the playoffs.

So far.

The Red Machine truly has been nearly flawlessly rolling through some great and some overrated teams, always finding ways to beat the hot goalies, adjust when losing 4-5 key players, adjust to another team's brutal, crushing game. Guys like Ozzie, Helm, Cleary and Hossa stepping up time and time again when needed the most. There are no single superstars on this Red Wing team, I can say something absolutely fantastic about each and every Red Wing who has played in these 2009 playoffs.

Wings have overcome every obstacle in the road- injuries, sickness, hot goalies, young whippersnappers, thugs. Every player switching roles, adjusting their game, playing nearly every position.

As I sat own to write, a myriad of topics ran through my head. Here are the things that struck me in this Game 5 win.

Game 5 “Curse”- crushed

“Game 5 Curse.” Dear Detractors: Suck it ESPN and Mr. LeBrun, and while you’re at it, touch the Prince of Wales Cup too and ask Pierre McGuire to show you the Money. Respectfully yours, Juice in LA.

Seriously, is that the best you could do to generate controversy? Maybe it was an unspoken given in the professional community that the Wings would win this series, and the guy was trying to generate controversy. And while any good Wings fan knows you never take anything for granted. NOT even when your AHL team beats your confy final opponent 6-1 on a Sunday Afternoon, I can't help but feel either nobody had anything insightful or relevant to say, or ESPN has a moron for an editor who said "hey, let's make a big deal of the only flaw we can find."

I actually kind of like that: The idea that the only flaw anyone can find in these Red Wings is that they have occassionally dropped a Game 5.

Appendicitis, LBI and Dehydration, oh my!

What is more amazing than winning a trip to the Stanley Cup finals two years running? How about doing it without your three best players, or without your 4 best players? Wings won this Chicago series without some of our best: NicLids, Pasha, Drapes, Kopy, Lilja, B-Raf, Ericsson and even Ozzie all took time away from the ice in this series.

Not even appendicitis can stop the Winged Wheel Rolling.

Grand Rapid Griffins Beat Chicago Blackhawks on the

Road to Second Straight Stanley Cup Finals.

Our Winged future played magnificently this week. Called up from Grand Rapids, players like Helm, Abdelkader, Leino, Ericsson, Meech and Jakob Kindl (I don’t even know who Kindl is!!!!) all these young kids contributed with guys like D-Helm, John-E and Abbie getting significant ice time and making a significant impact.

Jonathan Ericsson and Darren Helm have been important not only to this confy finals series, but have also been solid contributors throughout the playoffs. I am thrilled and amazed. I continually find myself looking toward next fall –beyond stoked to see these kids make their NHL “opening day debuts” in the regular season. Wow. The talent coming up through the Detroit system is as exciting as any line we have on ice.

No Star Shines Brighter than Another on this Impossibly Talented Team

What is actually amazing me this playoff season is that there isn’t a single Wing that isn’t working hard and smart and giving it their all, leaving it all out on the ice every damn game. I honestly cannot say a bad thing about a single Wing. In fact, if I praised everyone, I’d be saying the same damn things over and over. I can’t pick a single player who deserves more praise than anyone else. That said, there are a couple supernovas who deserve some extra attention:

Helm Yes!

Oh Darren, it was during last year’s playoffs that the Hudded Helm line first caught my eye, your chemistry with Huds is phenomenal and I found myself making “mini-me eurotwin” comparisions. I was crushed when we held you back in GR for the regular season- I am DYING to see you and No. 26 on a line together for 80 games. But Wow what a playoff season you are having. Nobody played like Helmer tonight. He was as fast as Drapes, puck handled like Pasha and scored like the Mule….Darren was everywhere, making plays happen, working harder than anyone, and getting some sweet, sweet goals. Speaking of which…

I can see Cleary now, the ice chips are gone.

Danny. Sham-Wow! Earlier this year when you stepped up for Homer while he was injured and seamlessly morphed your game into my favorite “Homer’s Butt Was Not in the Crease” stylee, I was completely impressed. And the clutch plays and goals in the WC and other key games???? Well they don’t go unnoticed either. But here you are a year after your first Cup back in the thick of the playoffs being asked to do it all, and you are delivering the goods. Your game has come so far, your play has evolved so that you are an incredibly complete player. You do it all, I have been saying this all season, “The hardest working man in Ice-Biz”.

Who can make a sunrise? Force a quick turnover?The Candyman can.

Earlier in the Year I wrote a blog about Z’s contract and what it meant for the Wings Salary Cap and re-signing Hossa. I received some praise for that blog, and someone in Red told me my analysis was dead on accurate. They also asked me what I’d do about Sammy, Mikael Samuelsson. I panicked upon seeing the question. I simply said “For as many fits as he gives me, he produces in the clutch.”

Sammy is always producing clutch goals and game winners, making very (very) important plays at key moments. He also turns the damn puck over and sends a pass across Ozzie’s crease when opposition players swarm. In short, Sammie gives me fits and makes me love him madly. Or he did before these finals.

Now I see a player that has matured incredibly, and whose unusual style of play has settled so that the mistakes are almost non-existent, but the passing and quirky style of shot and play is becoming flawless and turns opposing teams on their heads.

In Short, Sammy I love you, love your game, I want you on this team after July 1, you are incredible and I adore you. You are nailing it for us, and it has not gone unnoticed.

Eurotwins- Making the Plays that Make the Plays better.

Aw Z, you are everywhere on the ice, working and leading and setting the bar. Finding ways to get around smothering defense and if you aren’t putting it on net, your drawing all the defenders so someone else can.

And Pasha, you haven’t been on the ice in a week, but trust me, we all know you are out there too like BASF: making the plays that make the plays better. Pasha, your play has not gone unnoticed, especially against the Ducks- We know you are in there sacrificing your own stats and goal scoring opportunities for the good of the team. Your puck handling and the little things you do with the stick are mind boggling, and just when I sit mesmerized by how you keep the puck away from everyone, you finish and forecheck and knock a getzlaf or a nash off their feet.

Babs has- by and large- kept Z and D on separate lines this Playoff season, and its working. But still, there is nothing like seeing the two of you fly down the ice in tandem…Long live the Eurotwins!

Stuie and Kronner- We call it a triple threat in Hockeywood

Stuie, a little over a year ago you came in like gangbusters and made everyone in Detroit so excited by your talent and commitment to the common goal. But the way you and Nicklas have grown in just a year, capable not just of the stifling defense, but clutch scoring, power killing and leading…You boys are the future and I am in awe of how you’ve grown as players and leaders.

And while I am feeling the "D", how sweet would a Cheliosian game winner have been last night? Oh I was all over that shixxa as Cheli bore down on Cristo.

Huds- How could you think I’d forget you?

If there is any player I wanted (besides Sammy) to have an amazing playoff, it was you, and Damn Jiri, even after a critical and brutal Ducks series, there you are out there in it to win it. Your fear is non-existent, your work ethic unchallenged, your clutch plays and goal scoring are on fire- In short, you are having not just an amazing playoff run, but doing it on a team where every single player is contributing in ways I never imagined. You are a superstar and we are damn lucky to have you.

Nobody Beats the Wiz.

Oh Ozzie. You are a legend. You have been amazing, you have saved so many games. You are the reason we beat a thucks team when other brilliant talented teams could not. You have lead this team, focused this team, and been an amazing example. And you have done it with grace, class, strength and sofa king many amazing catlike saves. Screw anyone who ever doubts you, and remember this the next time Pierre mcnugget asks a stupid “effing” question: “Nobody Beats the Wiz.”

Nobody. Chris Osgood is one of the best goalies this League has ever seen, without argument. Go ahead, I dare you to challenge me on this. You won't win.

The Road to Ithaca

Breath Red Wing fans Breathe. And smile. Most importantly, remember this:

By and large your Detroit Red Wings have been flawless in the playoffs.

A playoffs in which, so far fans and detractors wondered horrible and impossible things and even the strongest believers, the most faithful, choked back tears and doubt through 7 games.

I know many of you have voiced your fears throughout these playoffs, and there have been occasions when I have had to remind some that “These are your Detroit Red Wings, reigning Stanley Cup Champions, you must not doubt the depth, talent and drive.”

And even when I said it to myself, there were times when I wondered if even that was enough.

Damn Dirty Ducks

But The Wings made it back. And are 4 wins away from defending their title and once more winning the Greatest Prize in all of sports. The very thing this team has had their eyes, hearts and souls focused on since October 9.

These next 4 wins won’t be easy. We are hurt, but we are more deep than injured. Mentally stronger than physically vulnerable. So all you Red Wings fans who openly or secretly worry or doubt this team or its players, its time to reach deep inside yourself and rely on your faith.

It makes me think of one of my favorite poems, The Road to Ithaca, by Constantine P. Cavafy. An excerpt is below- modified for hockey loving purposes. The point? That we all remember it’s the journey that makes this all so valuable.

The Road to Stanley.

When you set on your journey to the Finals

pray that the road is long,

full of adventure, full of knowledge.

The Blue Jackets and the Hawks,

the angry Thucks-- do not fear them:

You will never fall to these on your path,

if your legs remain fast, if a fine

slapshot hits the net and you keep your stick to the ice.

To the Blue Jackets and the Hawks,

the fierce Thucks you will never succumb,

if you do not carry them within your soul,

if your defense does not turnover before your goalie.

Always keep the Cup in your mind.
To arrive there is your ultimate goal.
But do not fear the voyage at all.
It is better to let it last for many games;
and to find your self playing in June
rich with all you have gained on the way,
not expecting that the Cup will offer you riches.


Your team and fans have given you the beautiful voyage.
Without them you would have never set out on the road.
They have nothing more to give you.


And if you find this journey poor, these playoffs have not deceived you.
Wise as you have become, with so much experience,
you must already have understood what it all means.

Wings Do Everything They Can to Make it a Fair Fight…

Saturday May 23th, 2009. Hockeytown World Headquarters.
Detroit Michigan.
9:00 a.m. eastern.
Offices of Wiley Ken-o-yte Holland.

Wiley Ken-o-yte Holland, E. Plurius Unum Genius, tosses silver puck in air, feet up on desk. Red Wings’ AGM, Jim Nil, is carving his initials into the desk with a skate blade, Coach Mike Babcock plays cats cradle with skate laces, Franchise Owner Mike Ilitch folds a paper puck, flicking it over the head of VP, Stevie Yzerman, who is asleep on couch and wants no part of Ilitch’s game. Wiley Ken-otye. Speaks:

“So I got a call from Scottie this morning.” All the boys perk up. Even Stevie Y pushes baseball cap from his eyes.

“He wants to know why we are trying to ruin all of hockey for the entire world, and why we hate his kids.”

Ilitch chuckles, flicks paper puck over Ken-o-tye’s head. Nil continues to carve in the desk muttering “Scottie, Scottie, Scottie”. Babs grins, grabs three more sticks of gum, pops them all into his mouth, chews a minute while looking contemplative. Finally he speaks:

“I mean no disrespect to one of the greatest coaches that has ever lived, and by golly, he is already helping that organization across the lake, so that someday this organization will have to be wary, but what does he want us to do, bench Nic and Datsyuk? Maybe pull Ozzie? Sheesh!"

Stevie Y sits up from the couch as if jumping out of the box on expiration of a bogus goaltender interference penalty.

“Hey. What if there was a way to help Scottie, the League AND give our Wings more of a challenge? I have such undying respect and loyalty to Scottie. I think we should consider how we, the Detroit Red Wings, can give more back to our league, the fans of the game and other's less fortunate. Maybe we should do what Coach Babcock suggests.”

“Hey now wait a minute, I didn’t suggest anything. Why that Patrick Kane, he’s a darn good player….”

Mike I. cuts Mike B. off...

“Yea Mike, but how sweet would it be to say we won the series without our starting goaltender and two best players???” Then they could never question this Wing’s team dominance again….

Babcock grimaces and groans: “Dang Mike, why don’t you take our fastest player too???? You could bench Draper just for the lower body injury fun of it. ”

“Well, I would never tell you how to coach, Coach. But it sure would be interesting to see how the Hawks do against the Wings if we were to "lose" a couple of key guys….” Mike I. says while quietly grinning.

“Yep, could be interesting….” From Stevie Y.

Mike Babcock looks around the room, sees all their eyes twinkling with the anticipation of learning whether the Wings could pull of a win without their star, key players. He knows he'll cave, finally muttering: “Ok, ok. I just don’t want another overtime game, like last time…”

Mike Ilitch slaps Babs on the back, shakes Yzerman’s hand, and throws his arm around Ken-o-tye’s shoulder and the Four Horsemen (plus Nil) walked out to Red Bird II, where the team waits to puddle jump over to Chitown.

As they board the plane, Mike Babcock turns to Ken-o-tye and says:

“Sheesh, you guys assemble the deepest, most talented team in all of hockey and then want me to work with less, just for personal favor and amusement purposes. Fine. Just don’t expect any 6-2 score out of us today….”

Juice and Ted’s Excellent Spring Classic Adventure: Wings - Hawks

Western Confy Finals- Detroit Red Wings, 5 Chicago Blackhawks, 2... Game one in the record books

Whew.

What a difference 2 days and a thrown chair makes! Honestly fair readers, until last night, I was still having the Howard the Duck nightmares and suffering aftershocks from that Anaheim series. (Oh they said it was a 5.0 quake with an Inglewood Jack epicenter, but I think it was my Post Duckmatic Syndrome reliving some of Cory Perry's hits on Zetterberg.)

I will say it again- the Ducks series will prove to be the most difficult series the Wings face in these 2009 Stanley Cup playoffs.

Even as I sat down Sunday morning (yes, morning. Ok, noon…) to settle in for what I expect to be a very entertaining series with the whippersnappers from Chitown, I wasn’t sure I was emotionally rested enough to handle more hockey so soon. Thank goodness our boys in the winged wheel are tougher than me.

And as if to make my point, the Detroit Red Wings manhandled the Chicago Blackhawks Sunday, 5-2. It was the most entertaining game I have seen all playoff season. Wings were loose (some a bit too loose- Oz), they were relaxed, they played the first two periods as if they enjoyed themselves, and in the Third they pulled their Detroit Globe Trotter Routine and spun the kids from Chitown around a bit.

It was gorgeous. It was light and fun and Sweet Georgia Brown, there wasn’t an ounce of tension in my body at all.

After the win, I may have gloated too much, because a great blogger and friend of mine- former Detroit Red Wing/Washington Capitals fan, Ted Parke (known to those at NHL Connect as “ECParke”) called me out.

Frankly I was relieved just to hear from him. So relieved, in fact.

Many of you may not know this but, after they ran ol’ Ted out of San Diego, ala Ken Kesey, I thought we’d heard the last of him. I’d think fondly back on his brilliant hallucinogen addled blogs from last year’s playoffs (I told him licking toads was dangerous) and wonder how life away from the shore pound was treating him. I missed the buggar and his wicked timing …

I was thrilled to hear from him, except that something was not right. Ted, in his missives, appeared to have gone over to the Darkside. The Blackhawk side.

Fearing the worst, expecting -at least- some sort of Toewesianese Liberation Army brainwashing, I decided to go in search. I hopped the first flight to Chitown, just hoping to find and rescue with Ol’ Ted…

Wayne’s World Dream Sequence Waves blur from sandy sunny beaches in Malibu to the cab stand outside O’Hare …

“Where to begin, where to begin???” I though as I climbed into the cab and headed for the north side. I could only think of one place where I had seen Blackhawk “fans” congregate….

Wrigleyville.

When I finally found Ol’ Ted, it was Sunday, May 17, 2009. Game 1. Western Confy Finals. Detroit’s routing of the Blackhawks had just gone down, I knew I’d have to work fast. Ted had traded his surfboard for a bar stool and was saddled up to the bar at Harey Caray’s clutching a Winter Classic pennant and muttering “Damn you, Cleary. Damn you.”

It was worse than I thought. How had he fallen so quickly, so fast???? I quickly cased the joint looking for anyone who might try to stop me. They all appeared to be your run of the mill Chicago bandwagon types.

Good, there’s still a chance Ted can be saved. I thought. Then I saw it.

Ted, hadn’t fully embraced the “hometown” team. Oh to the casual observer it would appear he had, but I knew it was a cry for help. He wore the Number 24, “Chelios” on the back of his Blackhawks sweater.

Realizing I was not too late, I slid onto the bar stool three seats down and could not believe my ears. This was not gonna be easy.

Ted, lauding the attributes of the Young Chicago Blackhawks team. I vurped. He even gave props to Khabibulin. Suddenly there was ringing in my ears, and I saw red- I choked back the bile and abruptly stood up.

“Traitor.” I called him out, the initial shock still coursing through my veins. I tilted Brian Rafalski’s Winter Classic beanie back, and pushed up the sleeves on my Igor Larionov Sweater and stood square to his back. Then I said it louder:

“Traitor. Bandwagoner.” Ted calmly turned to look at me, stood (geezus this Fokker is tall) walked over and said:

“Problem Miss?” He didn’t even recognize me!!!!! I knew I was in trouble...

“OH you heard me Mister. I KNOW who you are…. You can’t fool me. What are you doing here, some undercover sting operation? No way you should be wearing that Sweater, how did they get to you? Was it the youthful hope in Kane’s baby face? Or was it the stoic Blackhawk work ethic? Did their crushing of Mats Sundin and legendary Captain Roberto Luongo melt your frozen heart like a little girl’s fancy in spring time????” I spat with a vindictiveness I usually reserve for Anaheim Thucks “fans”.

In typical Ted fashion, he was nonplussed and unfazed by my venom. Ted has ice in his veins and a vulcanized rubber heart, but I knew if he didn’t take the bait, he hadn’t been fully assimilated…There was hope.

“You’re that sassy, mouthy Red Wings fan from LA, aren’t you? Yea, yea I remember you. Your name is “Loose?” “Caboose?” He shook his head, really trying to remember….

“The name is “Juice”,” I said. “That’s “Miss Juice to you good sir. Now kindly step away from that bar and take this like a man.”

Ted was slick like freshly zamboni’ed ice…

“Little Miss Juice, you don’t scare me…. "Every defensemen knows the scariest thing in hockey is a big guy with hands: if he doesn't dangle around you he'll run you over.”

“Then run away Ted-o, because I didn’t come here to dangle, I came to save your scrawny toad sucking, surfboard riding, hockey playing ass and bring you back into the Red Wing fold….” And I started to circle, thinking the first step would be to get that damn Cheli Hawk’s jersey over his head…

As soon as I reached for the Chelios jersey, Harry Caray’s began to spin, and as if sucked into icy vortex Ted and I found ourselves dumped unceremoniously onto the ice rink still sitting in the infield of Wrigley. Curiously (or not) we were dressed in full on hockey gear- Me in Detroit Winter Classic gear, Ted in Blackhawk WC attire.

I put my mouthguard in, pushed my helmet back and set my stick into the center of the face off circle.

“First to three goals wins.”

Teddy stepped up to the circle. Suddenly Alexander Ovechkin appeared wearing a white sequined Elvis jumpsuit, pompadour and lots of gold jewelry. Ovie yelled “Vegas baby”, and dropped the puck. Caught in utter shock, Ted made quick work of me. In no time flat he scored three goals. Ovie ascended back to the rafters, winking, and grinning. As I laid sprawled across the crease watching Angel Ovie-Elvis fade, Ted sprayed me with ice. As Ovie’s visage shimmered into golf oblivion, a green flash of light sprang from the goal light and Ted and I found ourselves in adjacent penalty boxes…Ted looked at me:

“What do I win?” He asked. “I’ll take that 9KO, if you’re not gonna use it…”

“Never.” I cried. “Pasha gave me this!”

“Fine, one more challenge Miss Juice, for my Hockey Loving Soul. A Mental Duel. Debate the Western Conference Finals. We will have a civil discourse, debating and discussing the attributes and follies of our respective teams, and at the end of the series, if the Wings win, I will give up my bandwagon ways…

“Oh its on.” I grinned gleefully. Instantly I knew I could save Ted. I began “Here are your first questions:

Juice: Tell me Ted what infuriated you more today: the fact that the hawks thought out skating the Wings was the way to win, or the fact that Ozzie stoned them and the Wings defense smothered them?

Ted: Well Juice, despite the rather insulting and condescending nature of your query, I will say that both of these things infuriated me, but I will tell you this: Chicago has the ability to morph its game to the opponent. They did it with Calgary and they did it with Vancouver. In each round so far they have had to play very different teams, and they find a way to elevate their game to their opponent’s game. Which brings me to the answer for your second question…

Juice: Suck up the insults Ted- this is the Stanley Cup Playoffs, I call it as I see it. (whistles “Sweet Georgia Brown”). That said, I do expect a different Chicago team to show up on Tuesday, and like other good young teams (CBJ and the Kings) I see this “morphing” that you are talking about. Wing-Hawks regular season games were often high scoring affairs on both sides, so I expect your boys to find a way to get a shot on net. They must have been shell shocked by the Wings D.

Juice: Question 2, What adjustments do you think your boys [Blackhawks] will make for Game 2?

Ted: The Hawks need to do what the Ducks did, and refuse to accord the Wings any respect. They seem to have been caught up in believing the hype. They have to force the turnover.

Juice: Oh the Hype is real Teddy, and you know it. Chicago probably does need to forget who they are playing this series, but honestly I don’t see they have a match for the Wings defense. Therefore they will have to be on guard to capitalize on Wing error (and there aren’t many) – which they did on their first goal in the Series (Ozzie’s playing the puck and leaving the net was too cavalier and it cost him.) I think you can expect one more shock to the system, though. The first time Patrick Kane or JT get a break away, Ozzie is gonna stone them, and that may rattle a cage for a shift or two.

Post Duckmatic Stress Syndrome

A hardcore Detroit Red Wing Fan lay face down on the floor of her Santa Monica condo, amongst the remnants of sparsely eaten take out dinner and its wrappings, coated in a thin layer of … um…

the sweet smell of a nail biting Game 7 playoff victory?

Numb and gasping for the breath she’d held for 57 minutes of elimination hockey, she lay unmoved as the television chirped with interviews of the dejected Dirty Dirties. Echoes of “coulda shoulda woulda” strained, blocked only by the elated shouts of a loco Californian goalie who had run out onto the front “lawn” circling like a big ol’ Labrador retriever, arms raised above his head, dropping to his knees, ala Brandi Chastain circa 1999, ripping from his puck-welted chest a shirt that read: “F(Red Wing logo)(Red Wing logo)K the Ducks”, swinging it wildly above his head while loudly echoing said shirt’s sentiment.

The hardcore Detroit Red Wings Fan, who’d spent the last 60 minutes of play sitting on the floor inches from the television, Igor Larionov sweater pulled over her knees catatonically rocking back and forth as she nervously flipped an autographed Detroit Red Wings game issued puck in the air, grimacing every time it landed orange side up- this girl lay on the floor like a slug, it was her only defense.

A montage passed slowly beneath closed eye lids:

• A game winning Lidstrom Special from the point;
• A brutal hit on Jiri;
• Clutch goals by our own Blue Eyed Newfoundlander, the “Baby Euros- Our Hudded Helm line” and the Mule;
• Zetterberg taking on the 9’7” 845lb Pronger;
• An emasculated whining, dirty Gets-laffed-at;
• A game tying “No-goal” Goal by the man who should want a Cup more than anyone else on the ice;
• The puck possession stylings of one Pavel Datsyuk: the best hockey player in the world and the hardest working man in Cup-biz;
• A heart breaking opposition goal in triple overtime;
• Sloppy SOGs, crappy passing, bumbling line changes, followed up by amazing domination followed by inexplicable losses;
• And save after spectacular game saving save from the Wizard of Oz.

It was over. Really over.

Dazed and confoosed, she tried to convince herself it was really over and that the good guys won. But it would not stick. Nothing was sticking, nothing but a wrinkled Baja Fresh receipt she had accidentally laid her forehead on as she crumpled to the floor after Daniel Cleary- Danny Boy, oh Danny Boy, The Blue Eyed Wonder from Newfoundland, No 11. swatted the game winning goal through Hiller’s five hole.

Wings win 4-3. Game 7, 57 or so minutes into an epic series. Wings Win. Fighting all the way, every single minute of every single game. Playing harder in the losses than the wins. Fighting through overtimes and against the odds no one in Vegas was calling.

Wings Win.

No one could tell her this series wasn’t the “true” Stanley Cup final, luckily no one had yet dared. Wouldn’t matter anyway, because she knew it all along. It was the match up she feared more than anything. More than San Jose, more than the Bruins. She had said as much to anyone who would listen.

A match up pitting the 2007 Cup Winners against the 2008 Cup Winners. A match up pitting the dirtiest, hardest hitting, meanest, thuggi-est team in all of hockey against the best puck possession, most skilled, deepest, most talent laden team in all of hockey. The Red Wings in a second round series with an 8^th seeded team that had made (what appeared to be) chum of the very best team in the regular season, a team with a style very much like the Red Wings. The Dirty Dirties unraveled the fiercest predators from the coast of NoCal. A team that was supposed to go all the way, hooked, reeled and sunk before they even began by Disney’s finest.

She began the series having flashbacks to '07. Oh the horrible Night Terrors…Have you ever “dreamed” of a larger than life sized version of Howard the Duck in a Black Anaheim uniform, bearing the Number 25? Its almost as bad as the dreams some of you have where you play goalie against a team of gnomes lead by Gary Bettman…

Oh, you dreamers, know who you are….

Night Terrors and Flashbacks people, sweat soaked nights wondering what you would do with your spring if hockey abruptly ended for you, vurping in your throat at the very idea...That is what this series put most Wings fans through….

At best, the hardcore Detroit Red Wings fan thought her Wings would survive with minimal injuries. At worst? Well she dare not think of that, as it was too probable and fearsome an outcome to envision. Instead, she prayed to the Hockey Gods for a quick and relatively clean series. Prayed the Wings’ depth speed and skill would nullify the thuggism. For a brief while it looked like she would get just that.

Oh but the Hockey Gods seek more than the most talented champion this time of year. They demanded a warrior champion with the Heart of the Tin Man and the Courage of a Lion. The Will of a Wizard. The Hockey Gods “Cleary” wanted the Wings to earn, pay and work for every last inch of ice in this series.

And in the end, through a furious, hard fought series full of bad plays, bad calls, bouncing puck goals, waived goals, brutal dirty hits and flared fisticuffs, the Wings did what Anaheim could not.

The Wings beat the second best team on ice this time of year, in the second round of playoffs where many a reigning Stanley Cup Champions slip and slide into oblivion, as the Ducks had done in 2008.

In her book, it is the clearest indication of what everyone else probably already knew: that there may be no answer to the depth and level of talent this Red Wings team possesses. Beating the Ducks, a recent Cup championship team who manhandled an amazing San Jose Team, and who still had 12 of their Stanley Cup winning players in the line up.

This was match up that forced the hardcore Red Wings fan to rely the depths of her faith in her team, yet even as she clung to that faith and поверено, she still knew that sometimes all the talent and skill and depth in the world does not win.

This series shook this Red Wing fan to the core. How many times had she screamed at the television “Damn it Hoss, I thought you wanted a Cup!!!! Go get it!” or “Come on Pasha, just one goal”, or “Danny, be a hero” “Come ON Filps, be a hero!!!” or “Please Mule, just one more goal????” Even when she knew- could see- they were working their hearts and souls out.

It was a rare moment when she could celebrate, and enjoy a win or a goal, mostly all she could do was sit and watch and pray. Tension never for a moment relieved. Fear with every Duck possession, every kill. Absolute swallowing of all pride, silently relieved with a win, worried sick with each loss. Night terrors and flashbacks, people. Restless fits of ill gotten sleep.

The only belief she could cling to was the belief that these 2009 Detroit Red Wings, this Stanley Cup winning champion team, had the will to win the series. Had more drive, heart and will to win than the 2007 SCCs.

Only when the ice spray had melted in the crease, revealing that it was the current Stanley Cup Champions who prevailed could she breath.

A hardcore Red Wings Fan watched the last of the Dirty Dirties line up to congratulate a jubilant throng of men in Red. Still shell shocked in disbelief that it was really over, she picked herself up off the floor of her Santa Monica condo, pulled the store receipt from her forehead, rubbed the register ink from her brow, and walked over to her brother, the Loco Californian goalie, hugged him as hard as she could. They both knew this series meant more than anyone else was saying.

Wings win. Wings win. Bravo my team. You gave the lovers, the dreamers, (the faithful) and me a helluva a gift last night. You showed us your will to win, your heart and your drive. I can’t ask for anything more.

Except maybe 8 more wins before June 4th…

And a cure for the Mighty Mighty flashbacks.

And a pony.

But that’s it. I swears.

GO WINGS- Onto the Spring Classic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Will to Win, The Wings and Avoiding a Lame Duck Championship

Game 7. Wings-Thucks.

Vintage 1997 Igor Larionov Playoff Issued Sweater? Check

“F(Red Wing logo) (Red Wing logo)K the Ducks" Tshirt? Check

Assorted other Red Wing and red clothing on for superstition purposes? Check

Television tuned to Versus? Check

Brother sitting right next to me? Check

Red afro wig, floppy shoes, clown face paint, red nose? OH H-E, to the Double Hockey Stick, noes…

Despite the chaos and buffoonery (of the sort usually reserved for big top tents, Shriners and tiny, tiny cars), displayed in Tuesday night’s Game 6, I am not worried, I am not scared.

Not one bit.

I am torked. I am mad and irritated and disgusted and disappointed.

It shouldn’t have come to this.

Game 6 was a travesty- for both teams really. But since the Wings lost, they will take the brunt of the blame. There was no reason for that loss. No reason for the way the Wings played on Tuesday, excluding Ozzie- who, on account of his first period gaffe that cost us that first goal, only gets 50% of his usually overdone and embarrassing riches of kudos and accolades in this Series (ie: Nobody Beats the Wiz, but himself).

No reason for the way the Wings played on Tuesday, especially after the stellar Game 5.

Oh how delighted I was during that glorious Game 5 as I watched every last correction being made to the Wings game, just as I had begged for in my last blog. I was thrilled that the boys in red came through and showed me that they can easily defeat the Dirty Dirties.

Yes easily. I wrote it. I meant it. Game 5 was comparatively easily win. In fact, I dare say it was more easily won than Games 3,4 and 6 have been lost.

Of course if you disagree with me, well the proof was there in the stunning Red Wing domination. They executed, and fixed the flaws I identified in my May 7^th blog, and in doing so they manhandled the Thucks.

Look, I’m not suggesting I have some amazing hockey insight or analysis prowess, or even that I came up with anything unusual or mind boggling. Every good Red Wing fan knows this team, and knows how these “drills” go. In this case, I just happen to be the idiot who puts in writing for you readers to review and nod along in agreement. Or disagreement. Or amusement.

I kinda hope a little of each…

Game 5 was a symphony performed at Carnegie Hall.

Game 6: The Shrine Circus at the Orange County Fair Grounds….

Step Right Up People, The Circus Has Taken Over the Honda Center

An entirely different Wings team came out. Play so sloppy, disjointed and discombobulated (forgive the redundancy, I just always wanted to work that word into a blog, and never before thought I’d have occasion to do so with this Red Wing team) I swear I saw Paul Boyer packing away fez hats, floppy shoes into equipment bags and I KNOW I saw a clown car (from which they all must have piled out) parked behind the Zamboni.

Lucky for the Wings, Anaheim was playing equally as badly, or that could have been much, much uglier. What irks me is that, in Game 6 it wasn’t Anaheim taking the Wings off their game. Hell, Anaheim was as slap happy and stupid looking out there as the Wings. It was the Wings taking themselves off their own game.

Oh I have my theories about bad ice and I reserve the right to change all my opinions once the actual injuries suffered on the team are revealed. But for now I am sticking with this:

A True Champion Finds A Way To Persevere, Keeps Fighting And Wins In The Face Of All Injustice, Bad Luck, Injury, Adversity and Somali Piracy.

Which brings me to tonight’s game. A Must Win. Just like Game 5.

Only different.

Because now it’s also a “Must Win” for an Anaheim team that has had a taste, and won’t go down easily. A team that recently won a cup too. A team that is probably the biggest strongest challenger to the Cup in these Playoffs.

But the Wings are the better team. On paper, on ice, on the flying trapeze. And it won’t matter if they don’t have the stronger will to win, and they don’t correct the flaws from Game 6.

So Boys in Red, you better bring something more spectacular that we saw in Game 5, and you better dig deep and find the Will to Win, because something tells me in the team who has the stronger will to win is the one who survives this series.

Am I worried that my Wings can't win? Do I think the Thucks can beat them? No. I think My Red Wings can beat themselves, and I need them to want it more than the Dirty Dirties from the OC.

I have Faith, but Detroit Red Wings, don't let me down. Don't let your fans down, don't let yourselves down.

GO WINGS

NO EASY ANSWERS

Ed note: Thucks= Thug + Ducks. I’m thinking of organizing a petition drive to get the team’s name officially changed…right after I finish my campaign/petition drive to force Manny Ramirez to stop wearing the No. 99….

Wings-Ducks: Western Semis. Game 4 on deck.

I wrote two different blogs after Tuesday night’s loss to the Thucks and trashed them both. I ranted about Hossa’s “no goal” goal, and the ridiculous officiating and the brutality of the Thucks constant barrage of dirty hits, crushing boards and blatant elbows, high sticks and whining lies about Homer.

I saw it all from the cheap seats in the Honda Center: Section 414, Row G, Last Tuesday. Saw more than I wanted to. Didn’t see Hossa’s goal though. There were 8-10 security guards blocking my view as they forced escorted three Thuck fans from the stadium for throwing cups and other garbage at Wings fans and fighting.

Oh I had it all laid out in perfect narrative Elizabethan prose: the injustice, the robbery, the Somalian piracy.

But in the end, even I was more annoyed than swayed by my whining…and still left wondering how to combat the issues Wings have dealt with in these last two games.

Simply put, there is no end to the injustices suffered by the Wings and Red Wings fans in Anaheim on Tuesday night, and in the end there is only one thing that matters:

Finding a way to overcome all the obstacles. Because that is what a true champion does.

A True Champion Finds A Way To Persevere, Keeps Fighting And Wins In The Face Of All Injustice, Bad Luck, Adversity and Somali Piracy.

That is what the Wings have to do tonight. That is what they can do. That is what I believe they will do. The question is "how?".

Here are the things I think the Wings have to accomplish tonight in order to win:

Quality Shots, Not Quantity

Everyone is making a stink about the number of shots Jonas Hiller is facing, but I was there, I saw it for myself, 87% of the Wings shots on net were ABSOLUTE GARBAGE.

Sorry. It had to be said. My brother and I watched Hiller almost scoff at some of the “saves” he had to "make". I believe we saw him laugh as he kicked one away... laugh at the Red Wings? Someone better make him pay.

A few garbage shots a period are fine, btu we need quality chances. To be fair, part of it is a function of the Wings' style of play. Wings are not a "dump and run" team, they prefer to “dump” on net rather than the boards, because you never know when one might just sneak in. So some of their dumps are counted in the excessive SOGs Hiller seems to be facing. But actual scoring chances versus SOGs? Entirely different numbers indeed.

What was disconcerting to me in Game 2, Triple OT and Game 3 is that the Wings had breakaways and scoring chances and they should have lit Hiller up. He’s just NOT that good. I’m sorry, its true. Some of their best chances looked half hearted surprises. We did not take good shots. Plain and simple.

We have to expect to put the biscuit in the basket and try harder for better scoring opportunities. And we must:

Get A Frickin’ Rebound

Please please please, someone find a way to get a frickin’ rebound. I don’t know if this is a function of the Thucks defense or not. It’s been a repetitive lament of mine over the course of the season. Wings have not fought for the rebound this year except on a rare occasions.

But I am telling you this- When the Wings get their own rebounds, they win games. And Hiller is not prepared to fight a one-two punch. Which leads me to my next concern:

Babs: Won’t You Please Just Try A Eurotwin Line, Just Once Or Twice?

Oh pretty please with don cherry on top? I mean, what can it hurt? You have tried every other line combo possible in these last two games, why not give us Z and D when we need a go ahead goal? You know as well as I, that when Z and D are on a line together they produce. That's just. The way. It is.

And while I am on it:

Does Anyone Besides Me Worry That Continual Line Change Ups Disrupts The Team And They Never Get A Good Flow Going?

With the Wings I see that they settle and take control of their games when they can settle into their own style of play. I see the ability to do this disrupted when the lines are constantly being juggled. I understand I am NOT a NHL coach, nor am I Mike Babcock’s alter ego, and its highly presumptuous of me to second guess him, but here is the thing. In the beginning of the season Babs played with the lines, and we never got a hustle or a flow going. We lost a lot of the games where Babs played with lines.

And finally, the one observation for which I have no solution is:

The Wings Must Find A Way To Avoid The Ducks Strategy Of Crushing Our Boys Off The Puck And Must Avoid The Box

What kind of thucking loser team is so lacking in talent that when it can’t keep up with speed or skill it decides to resort to nothing other than brutal hits to take their opponent off the puck? Only one team that I can think of: the Mighty Mighties.

Games 2 and 3 both started out with the Thucks playing the only style they have available to them: chase the faster Wing with the puck down the ice and then crush him, brutally and often illegally OFF the puck. It must just be brutal to suffer this.

“Randy lay there like a slug, it was his only defense.”

While it might be tempting to take a “Christmas Story” route in dealing with the brutality of the Thucks, it won’t win games. Neither will stooping to their thuckery or taking stoopid penalties.

But I understand the urge. To fight, not lay like a slug. Of course, I am feisty.

I have sat for two games wondering: How the hell do you overcome that style of play???? The Wings tried a few things: they avoided the check/boarding in order to keep the puck behind the boards. If they were lucky there wasn’t a second Thuck coming from the other side of the net to finish the job Thuck No. 1 failed at. Is there any other team in the League that double teams checks with such immunity? Its sickening.

Wings also tried completely revamped their game driving only past the blue line into Duck territory and working in the center of the zone, and to some degree that worked in game 3, but damn, it never got us in a position to take a good shot.

Other than these things, I don’t know what works against this Thuck team. Neither did SJ….Oh wait…one more thing:

Ozzie was brilliant for keeping the puck moving behind his own net so that we could get something generated down ice. Keep it up Oz, Nobody Beast the Wiz! Heck, most of the time I feel like you are the only thing keeping us in this series. (THIS IS NOT A CRITICISM OF ANY WING- TO REPEAT THIS IS NOT A CRITICISM. I think the entire Wings team is working as hard as they can and trying to find a way to play an entirely different game than their own and I see each player working his heart out on the ice.)

Do or Die Game 4?

Some would indeed say. I do think this is a crucial game. And I think my Wings will come out with a game plan and win. I know it. I believe in it. I believe in them. How do I think they can do it? Better shots, grab the rebounds, settle into productive lines, the reunion of the Eurotwins, find a way not to get pummeled off the puck and stay out of the box.

Piece of cake. Right? I think Homer said it best:

"It's the playoffs, it's supposed to be tough, It's supposed to hurt."

Post mortem:

Speaking of Homer… Greg Whine-inski and Coach Crylyle have been making the media rounds with allegations that they “know” Tomas Holmstrom intentionally elbowed Whiney as he fell after being struck with the puck. Curious though, since this is Whine-inski’s actual quote:

"I was kind of out of it the whole time I was skating around. I looked back and I see it was a blatant elbow when I was hunched over coughing up blood, not even battling,'' Wisniewski said. "So it shows a little bit of a gutless play by one of their players.''

So what he has said is that although the young lying scumbag was “out of it the whole time” the one thing he vividly, clearly recalls is “looking back” and seeing a “blatant elbow”…

Of course you did you pansy-assed lily-livered mealy-mouthed deucebag.

Amazing that you could gather your wits about you while “out of it the whole time” to “look back” at a guy who was in front of you and see a “blatant elbow”.

Let’s try the whiner’s credibility in a court of law shall we? If it looks like a thuck and smells like a thuck its exaggerating and lying like a Thuck.