Wings Do Everything They Can to Make it a Fair Fight…

Saturday May 23th, 2009. Hockeytown World Headquarters.
Detroit Michigan.
9:00 a.m. eastern.
Offices of Wiley Ken-o-yte Holland.

Wiley Ken-o-yte Holland, E. Plurius Unum Genius, tosses silver puck in air, feet up on desk. Red Wings’ AGM, Jim Nil, is carving his initials into the desk with a skate blade, Coach Mike Babcock plays cats cradle with skate laces, Franchise Owner Mike Ilitch folds a paper puck, flicking it over the head of VP, Stevie Yzerman, who is asleep on couch and wants no part of Ilitch’s game. Wiley Ken-otye. Speaks:

“So I got a call from Scottie this morning.” All the boys perk up. Even Stevie Y pushes baseball cap from his eyes.

“He wants to know why we are trying to ruin all of hockey for the entire world, and why we hate his kids.”

Ilitch chuckles, flicks paper puck over Ken-o-tye’s head. Nil continues to carve in the desk muttering “Scottie, Scottie, Scottie”. Babs grins, grabs three more sticks of gum, pops them all into his mouth, chews a minute while looking contemplative. Finally he speaks:

“I mean no disrespect to one of the greatest coaches that has ever lived, and by golly, he is already helping that organization across the lake, so that someday this organization will have to be wary, but what does he want us to do, bench Nic and Datsyuk? Maybe pull Ozzie? Sheesh!"

Stevie Y sits up from the couch as if jumping out of the box on expiration of a bogus goaltender interference penalty.

“Hey. What if there was a way to help Scottie, the League AND give our Wings more of a challenge? I have such undying respect and loyalty to Scottie. I think we should consider how we, the Detroit Red Wings, can give more back to our league, the fans of the game and other's less fortunate. Maybe we should do what Coach Babcock suggests.”

“Hey now wait a minute, I didn’t suggest anything. Why that Patrick Kane, he’s a darn good player….”

Mike I. cuts Mike B. off...

“Yea Mike, but how sweet would it be to say we won the series without our starting goaltender and two best players???” Then they could never question this Wing’s team dominance again….

Babcock grimaces and groans: “Dang Mike, why don’t you take our fastest player too???? You could bench Draper just for the lower body injury fun of it. ”

“Well, I would never tell you how to coach, Coach. But it sure would be interesting to see how the Hawks do against the Wings if we were to "lose" a couple of key guys….” Mike I. says while quietly grinning.

“Yep, could be interesting….” From Stevie Y.

Mike Babcock looks around the room, sees all their eyes twinkling with the anticipation of learning whether the Wings could pull of a win without their star, key players. He knows he'll cave, finally muttering: “Ok, ok. I just don’t want another overtime game, like last time…”

Mike Ilitch slaps Babs on the back, shakes Yzerman’s hand, and throws his arm around Ken-o-tye’s shoulder and the Four Horsemen (plus Nil) walked out to Red Bird II, where the team waits to puddle jump over to Chitown.

As they board the plane, Mike Babcock turns to Ken-o-tye and says:

“Sheesh, you guys assemble the deepest, most talented team in all of hockey and then want me to work with less, just for personal favor and amusement purposes. Fine. Just don’t expect any 6-2 score out of us today….”