Ok, Friends and Fans take a step back and remember your school days:
Team in most need of a logarithmic calculator: Chicago. Seems like someone there asked Mayor Daly and the Cook County Registrar to help with the math….(yes I know he is deceased, that’s the point.)
Team most likely to get caught smoking in the parking lot: Flyers. Quiet sneaky, up to something, ‘nuff said.
Team most likely to steal your milk money: Vancouver. Srsly- 20MM for 2 years? That is just effing with anyone else that might actually want him, and it sent the prices soaring as if teams were trading oil futures…
Team that gave itself a wedge and a swirly in the third floor men’s room: Washington. Jose Theodore didn’t produce big for the Avs, I doubt a change of scenery will help. Gonna need Ovechkin to produce 70-80 goals to offset this guy when he gets lit up.
Team most likely to steal your Girlfriend: Columbus. I am liking this team more and more… although Jersey gets a runner up on this award for the Ralston move.
Team most likely to get caught canoodling with the Foreign Exchange Student: New York. Wake up! Is JJ worth it? Is he really Dy-no-mite? Don’t you need a few other things?
Team most likely to pull the fire alarm and yell the sky is falling: Tampa Bay. All those purchases, so little Defense! Stop drop and roll people.
Team most likely to implode on itself like a Schwartzchild Black Hole: Pitt. Cripe, do they even have any players left? I think Crosby Malkin and Fleury take up 43MM of the Cap..Re-sign Hossa you fools. Or don’t. I don’t care.
Team most likely to be eliminated from the playoffs by October: Shoot, this one is too mean- I cant do it. Ok I can: LA. LA LA LA LA LA LA. Sorry. I’m still gonna go see their games tho’.
Team most likely to Hit a Bull and Win a Steak (aka the Bull Durham award): Toronto. For bringing Cujo back.
Team most likely to Succeed: Really People, do I even need to write it?
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